i think it was cause it was kinda gray out.
i was busy in my back yard among the trees,
and lost to what i was doin’.
and the lighting –
for a moment, the lighting kinda tricked
something in my brain.
the lighting made me feel like it was evening.
and it all reminded me of being a kid.
i guess back then i was outside more in the evenings.
and you know that feeling?
like you never ever want to go inside again?
like you can live outside forever and you’d
be perfectly okay with that?
i had that feeling.
just like a kid would have.
later i got to wondering about that.
how come i’m feeling that kinda thing more and more?
more and more i can just get lost in what i’m doin’.
i can feel so good.
and i think maybe it’s cause i don’t have to take care
of anyone anymore!
i was outside a lot as a mother of three kids.
but then i was always watching everyone, watching the clock,
watching all of the things you watch as a mom.
then, i guess, maybe i was swept up in creating my business.
and getting thru hard times.
and on and on, right?
but now……it’s quiet. and i can go get lost in myself.
and that’s happening more and more easier and easier.
all this wrestling i’ve done about mid-life,
all the struggling with not being a mom anymore,
all the uncertainty of this new era –
i think…maybe…just maybe….i’m not wrestling much anymore.
i’m not struggling much anymore.
like, maybe i’ve done enough of that.
and now….without all that…..
well, gosh, it’s kinda darn nice.
it’s kinda darn nice.
“it had been a lifetime for others –
and now she wanted to know herself.
sitting under the trees,
she asked herself how she was feeling
and she began to really listen.”