it had been tinged with the holy. and she knew it. the gratitude and awe filled her. bowing, she thanked the universe. doing her best to honor the gift she had been given, she turned and walked deeper into the trust.
thank you for traveling by my side through it all. it has been an honor.
i thought i would at least keep the blog. but as i drove to the post office this morning, i could just feel it inside of me – no. let it go.
wow.
so, okay. i am going to plan on finishing up here on friday. go figure. but i’m going to leave the blog itself up, and i’m pretty sure the guys will want to post their ‘we’ve got the ship now!’ announcement here. so keep your eyes out for that.
and i imagine there will be blog posts here and there. once in awhile? i would guess? so i don’t know, if you want to keep up with that, maybe do a subscribe thing where it lets you know that there’s a post? i don’t even know exactly how you do that, but if you see that option, and you feel like it, you can try that.
the nudge i’m getting is to really step away and step into some quiet.
my understanding is that the guys will still be sending out the quote of the day. if you don’t get that and want to, you can sign up here –
as far as keeping in touch – i’m out here. will keep the same email. don’t want to type it here because of spam stuff, oh…. i can. i just have to be cryptic about it. 🙂
soooo put it together –
terri at bone sigh arts dot com
ha! there ya go. i’m there if you want me. i’m also over on mewe. here’s the link to that. https://mewe.com/i/terristcloud
(i feel incredibly positive about mewe and am so grateful it exists. if you have any reservations, i gotta tell ya, facebook is really the place to be nervous about. not mewe.)
this is just so odd. i’ll be rambling for the next couple of days, but i want to take a moment to thank you for traveling with me here. sometimes i wondered why i even bothered with this. and then, every now and then, one of you would encourage me without even realizing i needed it!
your presence has made a difference in my life. i can’t even begin to express my gratitude.
what a journey we are gifted with. raising my glass to you and our journeys!
up until then, and a bit afterwards, i was feeling all kindsa things. terror was on top of the list! sadness definitely mixed in. hope for good things was a big part.
but not joy.
UNTIL! until this morning. it started comin’ on in, baby! and i could feel this weight slipping off as the joy slipped in.
WOW!
wow.
i am so excited about this.
i have NO idea where i’m goin’, what i’m doin’, and how to make sense out of any of it.
but to have a weight slip off while joy slips in –
well, that just makes me cry with gratitude.
i just never know what’s gonna happen inside me, ya know? and following because you’re sposed to follow, well, yeah, it sounds great, but it sure is scary.
and gosh. i am just so darn grateful to feel good this morning.
and something that really hit me today? i started all this to feed my kids. to raise my kids.
i did it. my gosh, i did it.
i am truly falling to my knees in gratitude today.
if i don’t know how something is going to work out, let me find at least one path that could work. if i can figure out ONE thing that works, even if it’s not what i’ll end up doing, it offers me enough peace of mind that i can open to possibilities easier. and it opens me back up to hope.
i could explain to you what i’m talking about in my life, but i feel like that would muddy the point.
i’m thinking this point might work in a lotta different scenarios. so i want to leave my details out of it.
i feel discouraged when nothing looks like it’s gonna work out for me the way i want. so, okay, don’t we all? then what?
well, then i get desperate and try to think outside the box a bit. try to come up with a different idea.
it’s in that brainstorming that i usually can hit on SOMETHING that will work. even if not ideal.
and maybe that’s enough. maybe that’s all we need to do. then we know we can breathe, and sit back a little bit more and watch a little bit more. and maybe that brings us back to trust.
i think for me it does, anyway. i’d love it if i could just stay on the darn trust train all the time. but i don’t seem to be that skilled yet. so i just saw this happen and realized i need to keep it in mind.
just find a path, any path, tuck that in your back pocket, and then watch.
is that cheating in the trust department? maybe. or is it being part of the process? maybe.
i did a series at some point called ‘love notes to myself’ trying to encourage me, trying to encourage you – to pay more attention to the act of really seeing, really loving our depths.
i found this one and smiled. i wrote this years ago. it made me stop and think this morning.
i feel like i see myself so much better these days. i can feel a comfort and a relaxation in myself that i never had before.
i have definitely gotten better at the SEEING part.
i hear from different women that this comes at this time of life. and i can feel it.
interestingly enough though – i’m not sure i stop to love myself any more than i ever did before. not sure i’ve gotten better at the LOVING part?
is there a difference between being comfortable in yourself and actually loving yourself?
i’m kinda thinking there is.
and now i’m wondering if that will come more naturally in my 60’s. (60th birthday this year!)
how much of all this is actually a process that naturally happens if we open to it?
i got a jolt of excitement here with that thought.
i’m doing everything i can to step into the changes that are happening in my life right now.
retiring and moving. moving didn’t scare me at all. retiring has terrified me! i have kinda narrowed down some of the reasons for the terror, and that helps.
but what also helps is the idea of stepping into the future the best i can and realizing THAT will open up the process even more and give me more space to open to the love for myself.
woe. i wonder if that is part of the terror i’m feeling as well? i wonder if part of me knows that?! and part of me freaks out about that?!
so my buddy stopped by my blog that talked about the ‘losing ourselves’ in the creation process. (how that’s the beauty of it – that’s the part i like.)
but you know what that blog completely left out?! THE FINDING OURSELVES part!
my friend ever so gently slipped that in a comment she left. and there it sat for me to find.
like the most beautiful present sitting there.
and when i saw it, i gasped in delight!
OF COURSE!
and my gosh, that’s a huge thing for me right now. simply huge!
here i am talking about making really big life changes, creating the life i want – and i’m leaving out the part that i’ll find more of myself through this whole process.
i keep thinking about being who i want to be as i work on creating a new life. kinda trying to concentrate there. i have been forgetting about all the discoveries that are waiting for me – as long as i open to the actual act of CREATING.
organizing as best anyone can a buncha odds and ends. paint and paper and material and sewing stuff and clay and clay stuff and soap making supplies and… well, you get the idea… there was a LOT of creative goodies to organize.
and i got to thinking about the whole concept of ‘creating.’
i love to make all kindsa things. but not really for whatever it is that gets made. it’s more of the play involved in the making.
ooooh. ooooh. did you read that?
‘it’s the play involved in the making.’
that’s what it is for me!
‘play’ might not always be the right word. i don’t know what word really covers it? ‘freedom’ comes to mind. or oneness. forgetting yourself. stepping outta yourself.
that kinda thing.
and i’m finding this really interesting to type because before i started typing this, i had also got to pondering about what it was that i REALLY wanted to create.
and i was thinking about how just living your life was such a beautiful act of creating. and maybe that’s where our greatest art is. in the creation of our lives. and maybe THAT is what i really want to create.
and now….put that thought with this other thought about the process – the forgetting yourself, stepping outta yourself, playing…
well gosh. ooooh.
i like this.
i can tell you this – i have been too caught up in myself, in the world, in stuff i don’t want to be caught up in. and i can tell you that it’s getting in the way of really creating what i want.
hmmmmm…….. my husband just left for the day.
i think i’ve got some playing i gotta do – and some releasing i gotta do – and some gettting outta myself i gotta do –
and i just got handed a good hunk of quiet time to do it in.
i was only gonna pull one. and then pull a hope card, right? i love the combination of the two.
but when i went to pull the first one, THREE got stuck together.
so, okay, maybe i need those three. let me see.
and my gosh – did i ever!
watch. hope. delight.
yes! perfect!
i had been thinking before that – something like – ‘wherever you are, there you are.’ ya know? that whole thing. about you take you with you wherever you go.
so who do you want to be? and specifically for me right now, who do i want to be as i travel this whole life transition that is happening.
i have been trying too hard to control it. cause, well, i like control. and i want to make sure this works ‘right.’
snort. so toss in a couple of snow storms right when we PLAN to travel to remind me – i can’t control life.
so i realized that last nite – like, really realized. now, i can try to control while i tell myself i’m not trying to control. i can be tricky with myself. so i told myself i need to just let it be.
and then this morning i reminded myself that i want to be someone who can go with the flow here and get the good stuff outta the transition.
and then – yeah – those three words.
watch. hope. delight.
could they be any more perfect together?!
anyone else need that combination today? wanted to offer it to you as well. cause here we are – traveling with ourselves no matter where we go. let’s be people we enjoy traveling with!
and then – okay – for the finale? i pulled the hope card. and i got – ‘her eyes opened to her own beauty and the ground shook.’
ha! let’s live our beauty – all the time – especially through the transitions!