journal

musings and ponderings…

May 29, 2020

we need a perk

click herehttps://www.etsy.com/shop/bonesigharts

okay, i’m about covided out.
and well……
maybe worlded out.

i need to start changing things up a bit.
i just turned my office into a creative
mad woman’s room!

i’m not sure what will come out of it,
but there’s a lotta different projects happening.
and hopefully it will help with sanity around here.

work wise i decided to clean up my etsy shop.
that’s a pretty big job and will keep me busy for
a long time.

but! i am starting with a sale!
so thought i’d pass that along everywhere i could.
come on by and check it out.
check it all out!

and hopefully i’ll be adding stuff to it as
we go along here.

wishing everyone some sort of peace this weekend.

click herehttps://www.etsy.com/shop/bonesigharts
May 28, 2020

heaviness

i have heard myself say the same thing
over and over to people i’m talking with.

every single time it comes up because
whoever i am talking to is having a hard time.

and it’s simply this –
it honestly feels like there’s a heaviness
in the air right now.

like the air is weighted.
and it is sitting on us.
and i think it is important to keep that
in mind.

there are a ton of strings to this whole
pandemic thang.
and i think because there are so many,
it’s hard to keep in mind how much
they can weigh us down.

or we might focus on one or two threads,
and forget the other 20,000 and wonder
why the heck we can’t get a better grip
on our moods.

i think things like the fact that you can’t
go anywhere without hearing the same
recording over and over and over about
it being a hard and scary time and keep
your distance, is one of the strings we don’t
even think about.

‘little’ things like that mess with our heads.
over and over and over again.

the missing of smiles on faces.
the fear that is at every turn.

all of this stuff is gonna take a toll.

so, the point is –
there’s a heaviness all around us.
and now, more than ever, is a good time
to be gentle with ourselves and absolutely
show ourselves self compassion and self care.

just thought a reminder here and there
might be useful.

May 27, 2020

discipline

discipline is an interesting thing.

i never really thought
that i was particularly disciplined.
i would just do stuff i had to do.

grinnin’….

then i figured out,
yeah, if it’s important to me,
i can be pretty disciplined.
sometimes i need treats to help me toe the line,
but somehow, if i really care,
i will do what has to be done.

it’s the whole ‘if i care’ thang –
i have to be mindful enough to realize i care.
that in itself can be a little odd.
sometimes i’m way slow about being mindful.

and then laziness does set in too.

so yeah, i’m not completely disciplined.
but enough so that i feel good about it.
and having been forced to make changes that
i really could have avoided,
i do see now that discipline is the easier way.
and i would like to pay attention to it.

i think i’m just claiming it as a way of life now.

and claiming it feels good.

i think i have been discipline shamed in the past!
no kidding!
by, yeah…….people who don’t seem to have a whole lot of
it in their own lives. which is beautifully eye opening to me.
i do not care at all if someone else has it or not.
i really don’t.
so why is it that someone who doesn’t have it cares if
i do or not?
yeah…..eye opening.
and so good for me to see.
i have no need to hold their shame any more.

or the whole ‘life is to be enjoyed’ comment flung with the
insinuation that you can’t be disciplined and any fun.
excuse me….have you not noticed? i really really enjoy life.

not my stuff.

so this whole thinking about discipline kinda sloshed over
into realizing that discipline is one of the things that has
brought me to a place where i’m happy with myself and my life,
where i can stand in that, and where i don’t need, want,
nor feel obligated to hold anyone else’s ‘stuff’ when it comes
to my living.

how darn cool is that?!

stepping more and more into myself here.
and loving it.

May 22, 2020

memorial day weekend

memorial day weekend
used to just be another holiday weekend.

i really never thought much about the meaning of the day.
and then, as i got older, i paid more attention.

and then, as i got even older, i began to understand more.

toss in a few war movies that i never woulda watched
without this husband of mine,
and i began to feel more.

it’s a huge holiday.
and for me, it feels like there’s too much emptiness around it.
it’s too hollow.

so i wanted to post this at the start of the weekend.
and for the actual holiday on monday,
i want to just be quiet.
i’m not going to post at all.

i have no words to adequately honor the day.
and i’m thinking there’s too many words out there anyway.

so i will be offering silence.
and i will be doing my best to remember, hold, love and honor.

May 21, 2020

i want

‘i want’

the bone sigh arts quote of the day
was taken from the print above.

i stopped and read it and smiled.
i just want to share this one around today.
it seems like a good thing to aim for.
and right now it is just such a weird time,
that i thought it was almost…
i don’t know…
maybe ‘important’ to share.

the quote reads –

“i want to really really live.
i want to laugh til my stomach
tightens so much that it aches
and my legs hurt from my slapping them.
i want to cry from my gut
and let the tears wash me
to where i need to go.
i want to hear the singing of my heart.
and let the sounds echo inside me
and i want to dance to that music.
i want to fill with compassion
and touch someone’s face so gently
that they can feel the caring
in my fingertips.
i want to love so deeply
that my cells vibrate with it
and just standing near me
you can feel the buzz of the vibrations.
i want to know that i’m worthy
and good and i want to leave self doubt
on the highway.
i want to touch the sky
and recognize my soul in it.
i want to walk in the rain
and drop to my knees in gratitude
for this gift of life i have been given.
may i never ever forget what a gift it truly is. ”


smilin’ here.
and reminding you that if you don’t get the quote
emailed to your in box, and you would like to
hop on the quote of the day train,
you can sign up right here.

May 20, 2020

write it out…

so i guess a lot
was building up inside me.

who knew?

i didn’t.

but, this morning, as i exercised,
i realized it.
my body was telling me.
and when the tears came pouring out,
i knew i had to do something.

was it abe lincoln who used to write letters
and never send them?

well, i pulled an abe.
and i wrote to the world.
i sat out in the chilly morning
at my picnic table in my back yard
and wrote my heart out.

and then tucked it away.

and ever since then,
i have felt lighter and lighter.

and then i went to the grocery store
and while i was there,
i got myself a treat.

boy did i need that.
so.
just in case you might need it too…
thought i’d mention it.

May 19, 2020

heroes

it was just one of those moments.
it just happened.

i was exercising.
had the music on.
and just happened to be in front of a photo
that my son made for me.
it’s of me as an adult with me as a kid – together.

and i happened to be staring at it when the lyrics
to the song that was on caught my attention.

it was about being a hero –
being someone who took care of things,
being someone who never ran away.

and that’s when it hit me.

i want to be the hero for myself.

i have been close to this thought many other times
with slightly different angles.

when i very first started out on my journey on my own,
i told myself over and over that everything i needed
was inside myself.

that’s very similar, yes?

i have told myself it’s up to me to take care of myself.

i’m pretty sure i’ve told myself stuff that rubbed shoulders
with the hero thought a lot.

thing is –
the hero thought is a wee bit of a different angle.
and it made a huge impact the moment it landed.

the wording of the lyrics had something to do with it as well.
i believe they mentioned not hiding.

and ‘hiding’ is one of my go to protections i do for myself.

hiding has its place.
but i overuse it to my own detriment.

and probably what made this really hit me in the face
was that i had been thinking for days that i wanted
my 59th year to be about standing tall in who i was.

i wanted to stop hiding.

so, between everything, i got hit by this bolt of lightning
that morning as i exercised.

and i thought about heroes.
how we think of other people being them,
or sometimes we want to be one for someone else.

but being one for myself –
being my own for me –

well, that’s new.
and i am in love with that thought!

May 18, 2020

5.9

sooo…
the birthday was celebrated…
big time.

and i loved every single moment of it.
it was really wonderful.
i am so darn lucky.

and now, i am looking ahead at terri, version 5.9
and what i want to do with the version of me this year.

i have so much inside of me.
i think, for right now i’m gonna leave it with this image above.

because it seems like every single thought i’m having
fits right into this image.

May 15, 2020

undercurrents

undercurrents

our quote of the day today
is the quote above –
‘undercurrents.’

can you read it there?
it says –

‘scratch the surface
of her joy
and you will find a well
of sorrow.
dive into the well
and discover her spring of hope.
follow that spring to the river
of her strength, compassion and faith…
and you will have touched her soul.’


it’s our quote of the day today
because tomorrow is my birthday,
and this is the only bone sigh i ever wrote
as a description of who i am.

i wrote it way way way back in the early days.
and it wasn’t until posting it in this blog that i realized
how incredible the title is!

how have i never seen that before?!

i lived a life of ‘undercurrents.’
there was a lot of not seeing me and non honest communication –
undercurrents.
undercurrents of who i SHOULD be and what i SHOULD do –
undercurrents telling me that i didn’t matter –
that it was the role that i played that mattered.

i wanted a life where i could claim who i really was
and one where i was honestly seen and accepted.

if that was just by me, i was okay with that.
that would be enough.
at least I would do that for myself.
and i exploded my life to make that happen.

you don’t just switch lives.
it takes a long time, a lotta strength, and a whole
lotta humility and willingness to change and grow.
i’ve been workin’ hard on all of that.
i have blown it many times.
and i have taken many steps forward.
it’s a lifetime of work ahead of me.

when i read this quote this morning,
i remembered sharing it with someone i thought
was helping me become more and change my life.
as i said – you don’t just switch –
and who you allow in is a learning curve.
this person, who is no longer in my life,
was sure that i wrote this about her.
and she was thrilled with it.
i remember feeling stunned and not wanting to hurt
her feelings and just kinda going with it.

yes, i have come a long way,
and no, i would not handle it the same now.
but how interesting, huh?
i had finally written something about myself –
and then immediately gave it away.
or…PRETENDED to give it away.

that is such a snapshot of where i came from.
today, as i reflect upon it all,
i cannot get over the journey i have been on.

i still give myself away more than i want to.
but! i have become so much stronger and more aware.
and i have filled my life with people who see me.
i have been thinking hard lately about ‘claiming me’ more and more.
no hiding – claiming.
and letting life deal with that.

hiding is still a key protection for me.
and yeah, i spose there’s times to use that –
but not often.

as my hero, jordan peterson, would say –
‘tell the truth – or just don’t lie.’

that little piece of advice leads me right into not hiding.

tomorrow i turn 59.
i cannot be more grateful for the journey of my life.
for the gift of traveling
and for the love that i have that encourages me to be more.

while i feel like a completely different person than i was
when i wrote this – i read it, and feel very much the same.
i guess that’s the mystery of the journey, huh?
i am the same as i always was,
and totally different.
and i hope, with every part of me, i can keep saying that
every year as i grow older.
because it’s more than just GETTING older –
it’s GROWING older.

and i so want that.