SRV day!

living passion

years and years ago,
my sons and i changed the celebration
of columbus day to stevie ray vaughan day.
stevie’s birthday is october 3rd, so it just kinda
seemed to fit for us.

the inspiration i got from stevie honestly changed my life.

i didn’t know about him until after he had died!
yeah, truly.
i know. i know. i lived under a rock.
my oldest son was getting into guitar playing and was listening to him.

i honestly can still see this moment in my mind – the bathroom was right
next to my son’s room. i was on my knees, cleaning the bathroom floor,
listening to his music. and i remember calling out ‘who is this??’ cause i
absolutely LOVED what i was hearing. he shouted back ‘stevie ray vaughan!’
and i asked ‘is he an old fat black guy?’ (seriously) and he shouted back
‘no, he’s a young, thin, white guy!’ (turns out stevie’s influences were from
a lotta black musicians) (some old, some fat, but not all!)

then for a gift for him, i randomly got him a video of stevie playing.
i had no idea that i had just bought something that was gonna totally change my life!

i watched with my family and was stunned. just absolutely stunned.
i felt that i was watching someone step out of themselves and become a
conduit for some other energy to come through. i really really did.
(still do)
and the passion i saw just stopped my life right there.

i couldn’t get it out of my mind. i kept thinking that i wanted to do that.
not play music – but connect to something outside myself like that.
i wanted to lose myself in something beyond me. i wanted to connect to
a passion inside me that i had no idea existed, but believed was there.

i started asking everyone around me if they knew what their passion was.
i certainly didn’t. and i wanted to figure this all out.
people would tell me my passion was my kids.
and yeah, i loved my kids with everything i had, but that wasn’t what i
meant at all. i had trouble describing this to people.

it wasn’t long after that when my marriage started to explode.
i suppose it had to. i was exploding from the inside out.
even after the dust settled and i was divorced and doing bone sighs,
i was still on this quest. still asking people if they knew what their passion was. no one seemed to! and no one seemed to know how to find it!

THE DAY that i felt i finally had some sort of answer, we had friends
over for lunch. i remember bringing it up to them, without telling them
i had finally made progress on this. and my friend said – ‘to me, passion is the thing that you can’t stop doing no matter what. if god came to you and tapped you on the shoulder and said if you don’t stop this i’m going to take everything away from you.’ and you still do it. THAT’S passion.’

that’s incredibly perfect, isn’t it?

stevie brought me down this road of soul searching.
a road that blew up my life as i knew it,
and changed everything for me.
it was so darn hard and dark at times –
and so beautiful and magnificent at other times.

today, posting the vid of him playing ‘aint gone n give up on love’ –
i remembered all this all over again.
lately, in all honesty, i feel like i’m at another crossroads.
not an explosive one, thank goodness.
but one where i need to remember a lot i’ve just gotten distracted from.
watching this brought it all back again.
and i’m so excited to hop back in to so much that i love –
to hop back in to a presence that has slipped from me.

and just think – all this comes from changing columbus day to
something that matters to me! what a holiday this is!

this also reminds me that we can make holidays
into something that is really special to us!
we just gotta change ’em around a bit.
let’s do it!

p.s. – i wrote a bone sigh for stevie a million years ago. i had it hanging
once in a show and someone came in and made a sexual comment about it.
i was so surprised. then laughed at my self! of course she did! what else
would she have thought it was?! when i read it from the world’s point of view, i totally got it. and while there’s nothing wrong with that for sure,
it was so far from what i meant, that i have never put it out again. after
writing this all out, i totally want to end with it. i am so thankful stevie graced this planet when he did. and i am forever grateful for how he changed my life.

‘his passion drips from his face,
splashing me.’