so we had a little talk…

i sat with myself this morning
and had a little talk.
‘what are you feeling?
‘what’s goin’ on?
‘how do you really feel about things?’
‘where are you with life?

is there a reason i don’t do this more often?
it certainly seems like a good thing to do.

it was nice.
i was knitting.
so i could kinda ‘do’ something at the same time
and just let my thoughts wander.

and at this point,
i gotta say,
i’m pretty well convinced that i’m entering
the stages of something new.

i don’t want to say ‘being a crone’ –
that’s OLD.
and that implies wisdom.

and if i say ‘the winter years’
that also implies old age.
and i’m not quite there yet.

so whatever stage it is before you’re
too old, before any wisdom really sets in,
and before winter hits –

whatever transition stage that is,
i think i’m entering.

and i feel like what i’m here to learn
is the watching the all.

not holding it,
but watching it.
to learn how to feel sorrow at the same
time i feel joy. to learn how to let sadness
be present as i laugh from my gut.

to really get good at that.

i feel like i’ve just entered the classroom.
and haven’t even sat down yet.
but i’m in the room.
wondering if i can step out to the hall,
go to the water fountain and hide a bit…..
but really truly wanting to just sit down and learn.