no control for me today…

two significant feelings today –

one came as i was walking this morning.
i went out when it was still dark.
and i got to be inside the morning when
it woke up. i was filled with a great mix
of awe and feelin’ so honored to get to
be here and watching such a thing.

then later,
after moment after moment after moment
after moment reminding me – i have no
control over anything….i felt off and
edgy.

but as i thought about it,
i understood how the first was just as
big a reminder of no control as all
the little moments that added up into
a great big ball of a reminder.

maybe it’s a good thing to remember.
maybe it helps keep life in perspective.
even if it doesn’t feel all that great
all the time.

we say we know we don’t have control.
yet i’m not sure how much we believe that.

and then i look out my window at a glorious
fall day and i know that i’m so lucky to be
on this ride i’m on. even without the
stinkin’ control.

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