home

today’s quote of the day is a quote
called ‘home.’
it is honestly one of the first bone sighs
i ever wrote. it might have been the second?
‘i matter’ was the first.

at the time, my marriage was falling apart.
i wanted a divorce and i knew i was exploding everyone’s lives.
i was a stay at home/homeschooling mom of three sons.
it was one heck of a hard time.

one of the things we had in our medicine cabinet was tea tree oil.
i used it on so many things with the kids.
i thought of it as my little miracle medicine.

on this particular night,
everyone was asleep and i lay there in the dark hurting.
hurting in such a deep way i didn’t know what to do with it.
it felt as if the pain was just gonna devour me.

i figured i needed to do something to help myself out.
i needed to kinda save myself.
i was feeling desperate.
so i visualized taking my heart in my hands.
(yeah, i know. could be gross. but it wasn’t.)
i took it and held it and brought it with both hands to the
kitchen table.
the kitchen table is where i worked on everything
from arts and crafts to schooling to taking care of wounds.
i set it there and asked myself ‘what would be tea tree oil
for your heart?’
i was wondering what my miracle medicine would be.
cause i sure felt like i needed one.

and i got an answer.
friends.
lean on your friends.
wrap yourself in their love.
go to them now.

at the time, i was feeling incredibly isolated.
and to top it off, i was always the one people leaned on.
i wasn’t a leaner.
so this was definitely an idea that i hadn’t really thought of.
but i heard it.
and i soaked it in.
and i told myself i would.
i had a couple – and only a couple – of friends who i knew
i could count on. i would go to them. i would just be with them.
i would allow their love in and soothe my heart with that love.
i was so alone.
just the thought of it felt good.

i went back to bed.
i felt so much like i had been guided by an inner wisdom.
that something inside me was there for me and helping me.

i grabbed a pen and paper and wrote this –

‘her ache echoed inside of her
stirring her inner voice.
it was then that she remembered she wasn’t alone~
and once again she turned inward towards home.’

and then i fell asleep.

i love that story.
i guess because i love the trust.
and i love that i got an answer.
and i love the answer.
and i love the listening.

it’s gold in the middle of one heck of a mess.
and when i remember it,
it reminds me that the gold really is there.

we just gotta trust.