it was just one of those moments.
it just happened.
i was exercising.
had the music on.
and just happened to be in front of a photo
that my son made for me.
it’s of me as an adult with me as a kid – together.
and i happened to be staring at it when the lyrics
to the song that was on caught my attention.
it was about being a hero –
being someone who took care of things,
being someone who never ran away.
and that’s when it hit me.
i want to be the hero for myself.
i have been close to this thought many other times
with slightly different angles.
when i very first started out on my journey on my own,
i told myself over and over that everything i needed
was inside myself.
that’s very similar, yes?
i have told myself it’s up to me to take care of myself.
i’m pretty sure i’ve told myself stuff that rubbed shoulders
with the hero thought a lot.
thing is –
the hero thought is a wee bit of a different angle.
and it made a huge impact the moment it landed.
the wording of the lyrics had something to do with it as well.
i believe they mentioned not hiding.
and ‘hiding’ is one of my go to protections i do for myself.
hiding has its place.
but i overuse it to my own detriment.
and probably what made this really hit me in the face
was that i had been thinking for days that i wanted
my 59th year to be about standing tall in who i was.
i wanted to stop hiding.
so, between everything, i got hit by this bolt of lightning
that morning as i exercised.
and i thought about heroes.
how we think of other people being them,
or sometimes we want to be one for someone else.
but being one for myself –
being my own for me –
well, that’s new.
and i am in love with that thought!