journal

musings and ponderings…

January 29, 2021

fabric of her dancing shoes

the fabric of her dancing shoes

a customer came through
this morning pointing out a particular
page from ‘the fabric of her dancing shoes.’

it’s actually a message i got in the shower
some years back!

the shower has become known as my
‘psychic phone booth’ – because i get some
pretty awesome thoughts pop in from what
seems like nowhere in particular.

i read this just now, and thought it would be
a nice thing to share and leave for the weekend.
replace the “i” for yourself – as i am quite sure
this is not specific to just me!
(and yes! this was ALL from the shower!)

‘There is stuff going on that I cannot comprehend
and don’t need to. The parts I can see scare me
because they threaten men in some of my most
vulnerable spots.

Drop the fear.
I am loved beyond anything I can imagine.
It’s a love that’s beyond us,
that surrounds us,
that is inside all of us.

Being loved is something that exists in spades
and there’s no need to fear the lack of that.
I do not need to see it manifested around me
in particular people.

It’s there.

See it or not.

I need to know that in my bones,
trust it,
and offer myself with a full and open heart
to this stuff that’s going on that I can’t comprehend.

If I don’t trust it, I will find myself in fear.

When I’m in fear, I won’t be able to open the way
I’m need to open right now.

So trust is vital.
An open heart is vital right now.

Give it and you will not regret it.

Give it and you will give life.
Give it and you will get life.”

January 28, 2021

wind, caffeine and love

i wasn’t going to go outside this morning.
was gonna exercise inside.

but the wind..
the wind was calling.
i kept hearing it.
trying to ignore it.

which makes me roll my eyes.
why do i try to ignore that?

so, yep,
before long,
i ran outside to be with it.

didn’t want a hat or a hood on –
the whole point was to FEEL it.
and my goodness, i did!

it was cold.
blustery.
full of energy.
and perfect.

i needed it.
bad.
it washed all the stuff off of me that needed
to be washed off.
and left my aura squeaky clean.

i came in to a warm cuppa coffee
and hugged my husband.
looked him in the eyes and relished
the treasure he was to me.

wind.
coffee.
love.

it was the perfect combination.
and now,
now i feel ready to toss love everywhere i turn.

and my goodness,
does our world need it.
and so i’m tossing.
and tossing.
and tossing today.

consider yourself covered in great gobs of love!
and picture me grinning at you…



January 27, 2021

a touch of magic in the air

so, my goodness,
have i forgotten the magic,
or what?!

i have been lost in the dreary.
but coming out of it with the idea
of relocating and the trip ahead for us.

but just now…
well NOTHING happened.
i’m laughin as i type this –
there’s not even a story of magic
that i can share with you…
nothing happened –

and YET!
i find myself wanting to type to you
and shout out –
‘IT’S HERE! I CAN FEEL IT!’

ha!
and i gotta tell ya….
i can’t remember the last time i felt like this.

seriously.

and something cool that is going on is
that i’m standing more and more in who i am
and what i want.

and trusting in that.

maybe it’s been a long time since i have really done that.

maybe so.
maybe just so darn so.

maybe you need to do that to remember the magic?

don’t know.
but maybe so.

i feel like a little kid here.
just excited that i can feel it again.
just excited that i actually REMEMBER it –
for real.

had to share.

January 25, 2021

turning to delight today

ahhhh…..yes.
i am feeling such gratitude today.

and i gotta say,
after weeks of despair about THE world,
it feels really really good to just turn to
MY world and hold it with delight.

we have a lotta exciting things happening here.
one of which is talk of relocating!
and maybe i just need some dreaming time right now,
but feels so darn good to just play with the idea of what
we might do.

so if you haven’t seen me shout about it,
i want to be sure to do that here –
i will be taking a week off to go do some wandering
and searching for possible relocations.

it comes right at a time when valentines get ordered!
ahhh!
so i want to try to nudge everyone to make their
orders early. after THIS friday, the shop is closed
for a week. so if you want valentines, now’s the time!

at this point we’re looking at tennessee/kentucky –
but who knows!
if you have any pointers, feel free to drop me a note!

here’s to grabbing our lives and making them
what we want them to be!

January 22, 2021

turning…

undercurrents

alrighty,
turning away from all that ‘stuff’
i’ve been goin’ on about,
and turning to new art!

we have two new pieces.
this one above is a ‘redo’ of one we had.
i get a kick outta how i view this one –
i always think of this one as the only bone sigh about me.
which makes me laugh out loud.
really, terri?!
well, let’s just say this is the only one that
i DELIBERATELY wrote about myself.

and the one below is one that feels like it’s time for.

they just came in yesterday.
and i gotta say,
i am really tickled with both of them!

so….while i’m talkin’ shop here –
bone sigh arts will be closed from february 1st to the 5th.
if you want any valentines –
or any of these lovely new prints –
you want to know that and order this coming week!

the flame inside her


January 21, 2021

finishing it up

i had planned on finishing
up the whole ‘divide’ talk
with yesterday’s post,
and moving on.

i got a note this morning though,
that i think might be the perfect thing
to actually finish on.

for yesterday’s quote of the day
(which was inauguration day)
i sent out the quote ‘don’t let them take away
who you are.’

i got a response from someone i have known
for years telling me she was surprised and
saddened, but would respect my right to my
own opinion.

hmmmm….

this seemed to be such a perfect example of
the division we are experiencing,
that i thought maybe it would help illustrate
what i have been trying to convey the last
few days. i am hoping so.

she’s an absolutely beautiful person.
generous. kind. loving.
means no harm.
is truly saddened by whatever she got from that.
would never want to be part of any division
in our country.

so, what DID she get from that?
i don’t know as i haven’t heard back yet.
so maybe i have it all wrong and it’s not the
example of what i am using it for.
but i’m gonna play with it anyway,
as i think it helps think through some stuff.

does she assume i’m a trump supporter?
is that what makes her sad?
would it take her sadness away to know i’m not?

so, okay…i’m not.

is that what the sadness was about?
if so, why?
are trump supporters somehow less than?
do ‘they’ believe in hate?
what’s the sad about?
good questions to ask ourselves.

does saying ‘i respect your right to your opinion’
make it ‘all okay?’
does saying the respect part make it so we don’t have to
actually look at the division that we are part of?
if you respect my opinion, do you need to tell me it
makes you sad? real questions for us all to think on.

so, now, what if you’re a trump supporter reading this
and you feel sad reading i’m not a trump fan –
if so why?
are you assuming i’m a biden supporter?
would it take your sadness away to know i’m not?

so, okay…i’m not.

is that what the sadness was about?
if so, why?
are biden supporters somehow less than?

do you feel the need to tell me you are saddened
by my opinion? if so, why?
do you know what my thoughts are?
if not, why?

what exactly DOES ‘respecting another’s opinion’
mean to us anyway?
is it their RIGHT to have one, is that what we’re
respecting? not their opinion?
i can see how that would make a difference in it all.
and that might be really important to look at.

‘don’t let them take away who you are.’
that was the quote.
and i mean it with my entire heart.

i feel like every single one of us needs that reminder
right now more than ever. BECAUSE OF THE DIVIDE
not because of who you vote for.

you don’t have to be for a ‘team.’
or you can be.
whoever you like or dislike –
if you trust in politicians or you don’t –
i hope we are all rooting for our country to succeed
in all kindsa different ways.
i don’t know anyone who is NOT hoping for that.

but if we participate in the divide,
no matter how subtle it is inside us,
we ARE letting them take away who we are.
we are being less than we can be.

if this thought that i am typing out right now –
this thought of mine somehow makes you sad
with who i am,
that’s fair.
that’s being sad about some thought TERRI has,
about some direction terri is aiming.
it’s not being sad about who i’m glad to see as
president.
see ME, not my party.
i’m rooting for us.
i really really am.

and maybe if we all REALLY saw each other,
we wouldn’t be sad.
because if we all really saw, we would see
how alike we are.

i have been nudging as hard as i can to get
all of us to look at how we are participating in the
division without even knowing it. i know i am.

and yeah, i’m done.
it may show up again in my own journey with my
own wrestling with it inside myself –
cause it certainly seems to be a big part of living
right now. but i’m done nudging.

it’s up to us.
always has been.
just now i see it so darn clearly.






January 20, 2021

here we are

it’s here.
inauguration day.
some are thrilled.
some are beyond broken hearted.

it’s not just a win to one side.
it’s the saving of america.

it’s not just a loss to one side.
america was stolen.

for all the healing and unity the winning side speaks of,
it certainly is blindingly absent when it comes to their dealing
with the losing side.

so the divide not only continues,
it widens.
it deepens.

on this day,
so many will look to the new administration
with the hopes of them saving us.

i deeply believe that NO MATTER WHAT
your politics are – thrilled or crushed here,
looking outside for saving right now is
the worst mistake we can make.

i believe it’s ENTIRELY up to us right now.
whether you won or lost –
it’s us right now.

i read a post by glenn greenwald yesterday.
a couple of sentences just stopped me in my tracks.
i wanted to put them here for all of us –

That a new War on Terror is coming is not a question of speculation and it is not in doubt. Those who now wield power are saying it explicitly. The only thing that is in doubt is how much opposition they will encounter from those who value basic civic rights more than the fears of one another being deliberately cultivated within us.

i had no idea how much of a civil rights gal i was until i saw them getting taken away – and freely handed away.

i see fear as the tool that has been used to take them
and belief in safety as the motivation to hand them to the takers.

we have become so afraid of each other.

after i read glenn’s sentences,
i thought about them a lot.
and i wondered –
is it easier to accept that those who believe differently
are so scary that we need to be protected from them –
is that easier to accept than the idea that the fear of
each other is ‘being deliberately cultivated within us?’

i honestly wonder.

is it easier to hate than to do the work not to hate?

if you’re curious, spend a day hearing what you listen to.
hearing what you accept.
listen for those words that feed something inside of you.

when i’m angry, i want to hear the negative stuff.
i just do.
it feeds something inside me.

when i’m scared, i want to hear that i’ll be protected.
i don’t want to take the fear apart and examine it.
i just want to be taken care of!

when i want to be in the know and feel i understand something,
i am quick to accept what someone is telling me if it answers
my questions easily.

every single one of us is lazy.
that’s just how we are.
every single one of us has parts of ourselves
that shouldn’t be fed, but want to be fed.

it’s not YOU – it’s US.
all of us are like that.

and let’s face it,
it’d be WAY easier to have some ‘administration’
somewhere come in and just fix everything for us.

but life doesn’t work that way for anything.
ya know?

it’s ours.
it’s ours to see our part in the division,
in the direction,
who we are listening to, who we are fearful of,
the consequences of what we accept –
that’s all ours.

that’s all work.

and that’s all vital right now.

i have added to the divide.
and i have fed things inside of me
that should not be fed.

i am thinking of today as MY inauguration day.
(inauguration defined –
the beginning or introduction of a system, policy, or period.)
and i’m gonna work hard, think more, act intentionally,
hold awareness, listen deeper, question more, and be
a leader to myself as best i possibly can be.
so help me god.

may we all take a pledge within ourselves to create
the world that we want to live in.

no one else will do it for us.








January 19, 2021

a little sky

i snagged some sky time today

i got up this morning and went out for
a walk with the dark.
and i watched the day wake up.

when i came home,
i changed into clothes that made me happy.
i popped on shoes that i move quick in.

when i drove errands,
i found all the back roads.
trees.
and sky.
and sun.
i soaked them in.

‘wooooe we are in for a ride, aren’t we?!’
i asked the vastness as i drove.

‘okay, i’m hangin’ on and i’m here for all of it!’

and soooooo…….
deep breaths…
and away we go……






January 18, 2021

leaders

“I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

-MLK

as i sat and read the news this morning,
the tears ran down my face.
i go from absolute terror to such sorrow
as the stories go on and on.

and then i look out my window at the early morning
sun lighting up the trees way in the back. lit up
with such glory that it takes your breath away.
and i remember the vastness.

“We must accept finite disappointment,
but never lose infinite hope.” MLK

i read of yet another person who was associated
with trump being ousted from yet another college.
of a senator not being able to hold his fund raiser
as his venue pulled out and said no.

and the fear rose again in that now familiar wave that
keeps washing over me.

we are accepting these things.
and in that acceptance,
we are growing the ugliest of monsters.
it seems to pick up speed – with each act,
more pop up – yet it seems invisible to so many.
i fear at this rate, if we don’t see very soon, we won’t
be able to stop it.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”
MLK.

i think of MLK today, and long for a leader.
long for someone to put on the brakes, address the hate,
offer ideas for healing, and stop the lies. someone who
could address the divide and really understand what MLK said –
“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”

i see no one out there.
and the sorrow and fear rise again.

and then i think of jordan peterson and his words of
self responsibility. he would tell me that i need to be
my own leader. that i need to get my ‘own house’ in order.
and i think ol’ MLK might just agree –
“The time is always right to do what is right.”

i don’t know how to lead anyone, but i can lead myself.
and no, i’m not too sure it’s ‘enough.’
but it’s all i got.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t
see the whole staircase.”
MLK

thinking of you today, martin, and wishing you were here.