journal

musings and ponderings…

March 22, 2017

sharing jason…

i found jason on twitter some time ago.
i enjoyed him so much, i went searching for him
on facebook and now follow him.

his posts are always uplifting and add a much needed
element to our world right now.

the other day, with incredibly magical timing,
his post came up in my home feed on facebook.
i shared it and so many people enjoyed it and shared
it as well.

i want to spread jason around wherever i can.
and i’m thinking you guys will like him.
you can view this one post at this link here.
and then, if you like that, go browse around his
site and check him out. i think you’ll be glad you did.

the world is full of wonderful people!
i want to turn my eyes towards them and really soak them in.

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March 21, 2017

so what would you say?

because i seem to be in the searching mood,
i asked people over on facebook this question –
‘if you were gonna leave this planet tomorrow,
what is it that would make you feel like you lived
the life you wanted? do you have any thoughts on
what it’s all about?’

almost every single person mentioned having loved,
helped, transformed or touched another.

(isn’t that kinda cool?
is that just the people i hang out with, or is that everyone?
does that drive even the people i really dislike?
i gotta wonder…)

i got in the shower and thought about all this.
i have so many rambly parts to my completely incomplete answer –
one of ’em is – did i see, really see?
sometimes when i walk, i think ‘what if this was my last walk ever?’
and i get filled with just realizing how very much i miss.
how much i don’t see. how i wouldn’t be able to describe the trees
on that street i’ve walked a thousand times and have enjoyed.
i wouldn’t be able to really describe ONE of ’em!
i wouldn’t even be able to tell you the order of houses on any other
street besides mine. and i’ve walked by these tons of times.
so i think – terri! you’re not really seeing!
but i don’t know……..maybe if i’m appreciating that’s what counts?

so – seeing? i want to improve that.
i don’t feel like i have it down very well.
but appreciating might be more important. that seems big.
but my gosh, maybe you just so gotta have both.
cause how can you appreciate if you don’t see?

i’m forever trying to see my sons better.
my partner.
my friends.
and that is so hard.
so hard to get past assumptions and my own stuff.
and really be honest.

soooo i wanna get past the things that block me from seeing.
i wanna live honesty everywhere.
whew.

then i think of how i want to ‘hold the all.’
how i try over and over to hold sadness, sorrow, anger, love, joy –
the whole darn ball of everything – and i just don’t quite seem to
even get near to getting the hang of it.
yep, all this is list material…

so there i am, in the shower, thinking – how often do i REALLY
feel the shower. do i melt into it and just be there?
the being in the moment thing.
oh man, that one matters!
put that on the list!

then, of course, i go to the theme that i go to over and over again –
love.
never have i so truly wanted to learn how to love then i do now
with my partner. with him, i can see all that it involves. and so much
of it is work. but maybe i’m onto something because i just read in
‘the road less traveled’ that ‘love is always either work or courage.’

okay, so recalling that, i just went and looked up more on that –
“When we extend ourselves, when we take an extra step or walk
an extra mile, we do so in opposition to the inertia of laziness
or the resistance of fear. Extension of ourselves or moving out against
the inertia of laziness we call work. Moving out in the face of fear
we call courage. Love, then, is a form of work or a form of courage.
Specifically, it is work or courage directed toward the nurture of our
own or another’s spiritual growth.’ (M.Scott Peck)

i wanna get better at that. yep. add that to the list.

some of the other things that people listed seem to cover all these
rambly thoughts in a much briefer way –
there was ‘gratitude’ ‘be’ and a wondering how close someone got to
enlightenment. these themes all mixed into these rambles.

maybe ‘gratitude’ and ‘be’ cover everything.
cause if you really do those two words right, you might just have love,
and you might just have enlightenment.

hmmmm…..

so.
i guess i don’t really have an answer to my question yet.
i’m still thinking.
and feeling so very grateful that i’m here learning.

it’s good stuff to think on tho, isn’t it?
cause if we really know we have a limited time,
and we really have something we want to do with that time……
well, then, it definitely colors our days, doesn’t it?

except when we forget.
maybe that’s the first thing on my list –
i want to stop forgetting this stuff!

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March 20, 2017

a gem on listening…

in browsing thru my copy of ‘a road less traveled’
this weekend, i came across a gem on listening.
i totally want to share it –

‘An essential part of true listening is the discipline
of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside
of one’s own prejudices, frames of reference and desires
so as to experience as far as possible the speaker’s world
from the inside, stepping inside his or her shoes. This
unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension
and enlargement of ourself, and new knowledge is always
gained from this. Moreover, since true listening involves
bracketing, a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily
involves a total acceptance of the other. Sensing this acceptance,
the speaker will feel less and less vulnerable and more and
more inclined to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind
to the listener. As this happens, speaker and listener begin
to appreciate each other more and more, and the duet dance
of love is again begun.’

-M. Scott Peck, A Road Less Traveled

bam! how awesome is that?!
now more than ever i think we need to work on this…

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March 16, 2017

learning curves…

i’m having a new thought that maybe isn’t new,
maybe it’s just using different words.
but it’s helping me right now.
it feels like an ‘aha’ to me.
and a tool for me to pick up and work with.

let me see if i can type it out…

everyone’s got different goals.
and i bet if you broke all the millions of goals
down and went deeper and deeper, there really wouldn’t
be that many different ones. just lotsa flavors of the same big ones.

so with each goal, there’d be a lot for us all to learn to achieve it.
each goal would have its own learning curve.

the goal of being love…or offering light….or however you want to
phrase that, is my goal. and i know it’s a lotta other people’s goal as well.

so, for the group that wants to be love, there’s a ton to learn.
each person in that group has a different learning curve.
and each person is in a different spot on that curve.

that makes sense, doesn’t it?!

pretty basic thought. no big insight.
except for the fact that if you really believe that,
you can be way more patient with people (and yourself)
who you may feel are letting you down.
or aren’t walkin’ their talk. or whatever.

maybe they’re just stuck somewhere on their learning curve
and can’t move further just yet.

reminds me of being in elementary school learning the multiplication tables.
my teacher made a chocolate factory drawing on a poster board.
and each room of the factory had the different sets you needed to learn.
there was the three’s room and the four’s and the nine’s……oh my gosh,
the nine’s room….altho i think it was the eights i really didn’t like!
in each one, you had to memorize all your times tables for that number before
you could move the oompa loompa with your name  to the next room.

my oompa loompa got stuck a few times.
but i EVENTUALLY got ’em all!

it’s like that.
only instead of our multiplication tables,
it’s learning how to offer love.
and sometimes my oomp loompa gets stuck.
and sometimes so does my friend’s.
and instead of being frustrated about that,
i can just wait and know that sooner or later,
after some work and more lessons and more practice,
we get to move to the next spot on the journey.

i really like this.
i feel like it actually fits right in with the goal
and helps me be more patient and loving all around.

aha! how cool is that?!

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March 15, 2017

totally needed

i shared this on facebook.
want to share it everywhere i can.
i think it’s so important
and truly couldn’t come in a more beautiful way.

in my opinion, every single one of us needs to hear this.

sometimes it feels hard to grab 15-20 minutes….
i encourage you to find the time.

find some time today, grab a warm drink,
and curl in to this ted talk.

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March 14, 2017

gaining awareness…

sometimes i realize just how little i know
about some of the different forms of mental illness.
while i know being bi-polar is a huge challenge,
i know very little about it.

julie kraft emailed me yesterday letting me know her
book on dealing with being bi-polar is now complete
and ready to spread.

she has several vids, and i chose the longer one to really
get her story. i’m so glad i did. i was moved and so impressed
with her honesty and vulnerability.

i haven’t read the book, so i can’t give you an opinion on that,
but i wanted to share this information with you in case it
could help you or someone you love.

just raising awareness and watching someone offer who they are,
is enough of a reason to share this!

i don’t know julie, but i’m proud of her anyway.
i think she’s so courageous.

here’s some links for you –

her facebook page.

an article about the book.

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March 13, 2017

coming from the angle of love…

the deeper i walk into this ‘trying to be love’ stuff,
the harder i think it is to do.

this past weekend brought me at least four moments
where i had to stop and think ‘wait. what is it you want
to do here, terri? and ‘what actions will most help you
be who you want to be?’

jeesh.
that’s four times i can think of off the top of my head –
and i spose as i get more and more mindful,
that number goes up.

each time requires reflective open thought and then
strength  to follow thru on that thought.
which can be a drag when you just wanna kinda do what
feels right in the moment. and that whole ‘reflective open’
stuff ain’t easy.

but there seems to be some kinda ratio thing happening –
because all the while i get to thinking it’s harder and harder to do,
at the same time i feel a deeper and deeper importance to it.

i see what happens when we don’t stop and think and
work hard to reach towards love…
i see what happens when we give in to fear and our need
for protection.
and maybe even more unnerving than that, i see how that’s
encouraged all around us.

i don’t want to do it anymore, guys.
i really really don’t.
i want to choose love.
and yet….i’m so darn lazy.
i want to choose lazy love.
and there’s no such thing, is there?

and there’s no time for that.

fear.
the opposite of love they say.
fear feeds hatred
and fear and hatred can fool crowds of people into believing it’s good.

and lazy thinking fools us into believing it’s them that do that. not us.

perhaps i’m just getting old,
but i feel like i’ve run outta time for lazy thinking,
and i feel like i’ve grown too strong for lazy love.

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March 10, 2017

one heck of a story. one heck of a woman.

it was late.
i couldn’t sleep.
went out and sat in my living room.
an indoor star hanging by my window
warmed the darkness.

as it slowly changed colors,
i began to read a note –
a piece of a woman’s story.

it was so powerful that when i finished,
i just sat there on my couch,
silently.
me and my star.
holding her story.
and her spirit.

i’m not sure how private she wants to keep it all,
and since the point isn’t really about the details,
but more about her spirit, i can leave most of it out.

i do want to at least say that she survived a horrendous
car accident. 21 years ago.
her life completely changed that day.
the pain involved was beyond anything i can comprehend.
and to this day, she lives with chronic nerve, bone and muscle pain.
the losses that happened because of this are also more than
i can comprehend.

here’s the thing tho –
she’s so ready and eager and willing to share joy.
she’s right there to root you on and encourage you.
definitely there to play.
she knows the beauty each day brings and readily embraces it.
and…..
she sees the gift in it all.
in the accident, in the journey since then, and in the pain.

it was magnificent to me that i got to read this note
at the end of international women’s day.
here was a woman that lit up the darkness
by living her gift.
by knowing her gift.
by embracing her gift.

i don’t think i have ever used ‘gift’ in quite this way before.
i don’t think i’ve ever so boldly called someone’s horrendous
event in their life their gift before.

somehow…and i think i just am barely grasping this…
she’s showing me it IS her gift.

and it’s kinda haunting to me.
not too long ago someone told me that i had to embrace something
that was really hard for me and hold it as my gift.
i was just lost on how to do that.

and along comes this woman.
showing me.
and i gotta say, she has completely humbled me.
and inspired me.

there were so many thoughts in her note that made me think.
but this is the one that i’m holding today –

” I am one with all that is holy…”

i think that’s way easy to say.
way hard to know.
and live.
and yet she seems to do just that.

so much gets lost in a day like ‘international women’s day.’
we get hung up in causes and issues and words.
and we miss what matters.
it’s easy to lose the depth of the feminine.
this woman handed me what matters.
showed me some of the depths.
depths i hadn’t touched all day.
even tho i was celebrating women.
what a gift to have handed to me that nite.

and i just wanted to share a tiny bit of that with you.

we are one with all this is holy.

will we bold enough to embrace that as the gift that it is?

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March 9, 2017

goals day by day…

with the arrival of spring,
i can feel a winter gray slipping off of me.
the desire to be fully awake is flowin’ thru me now.

thing is, my energy isn’t QUITE there yet.
comes and goes.
i know it just needs a little encouragement from me,
and it’ll be steadily back.
i’m doin’ all i can physically.
mentally, tho, i haven’t been sure what to do.

so as i drove along the other day i tried to figure out
what it was that made me feel really alive.
what was it that got my energy zappin’ around.

and i realized it was when i felt like i was following
an inner purpose…when i was offering something
that mattered to me…when i was doing work of the
heart……those are all times i feel very alive.

right now, a few things are up in the air for me,
and i’m not sure what direction some things are going
to be goin in.  or what it is i REALLY want to offer.
i’m kinda sifting thru all that and sorting.
spring cleaning inside, i guess.
so where does that leave me?
sorting  and cleaning doesn’t get my energy zappin’.

and then it came to me –

well, terri, you can have a DAILY goal until you
figure out just where you’re at overall. how about
setting a different goal every day? that way you don’t
feel tied down to one thing you’re not sure of,
and it can help you keep your energy moving?

ha!

yeah!

i like that idea!

so i made little daily goal things that can stand on my desk.
i can write my goal on there along with a few other things.
and it can kinda gear up my intentions and keep me focused.
(if you get the weekly email, you’ll find a digital download in
there so you can do these too!)

i plan to have daily goals like –

follow my heart closely today.
find magic today.
offer love at every turn today.

things like that…..
i figure that’ll help get my energy zappin’…….
and may just end up helping with my inner sorting process
that i’m doing right now.

want to join me?
let’s do this!

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