Others' Sighs

Pamela describes a healing experienced when she reconciled being molested as a little child. "When I wrote about it, I expressed it in terms of giving up being the protected "little lady" in the John Wayne movies and having to become the Duke, himself."



The Day I Became John Wayne

Before I became John Wayne I skipped down the road That wound through the fields That connected my world With my best friend's house. Before I became John Wayne I lingered in bubble baths Sang out the window At sunrise and birdsong That spoke to my heart. Before I became John Wayne I followed my brother As tag-along sister On endless adventures That lasted all day. Before I became John Wayne I knew that the earth Was a wonderful place With beauty and comfort That kept me quite safe. Then I became John Wayne Filled with bravado That folks thought was courage (You know, to be brave That you have to know fear.) After I became John Wayne Sunset was a frightening time Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Running, heart pounding To hide safe inside. John Wayne in a shirt-waist dress Saddle up those saddle shoes Let's go to school With a knot in your stomach That won't go away.

Did you know that John Wayne Wasn't sure of herself? That she questioned each thought Was it right? Was it wrong? Because nothing was ever the same. John Wayne was the smartest John Wayne was the fastest John Wayne hit the softball Right over the fence! And never felt quite good enough. John Wayne found it awkward To just be a girl How strange, since his given name Really was "Marion" Maybe he knew how I felt. One day John Wayne Took a glance at the mirror And found he'd grown lovely And really quite pretty And everyone said it was true. That day, John Wayne Rode off toward the sunset, The sunset that lives In the part of my heart With the scar. Tall in the saddle (Though she's only seven) John Wayne knows the truth That the world is not safe And reminds if I should forget. Come over here, Cowboy, Let's watch the sunset Maybe this time We can watch it go down And sleep and awake without fear.

copyright 2008, Pamela Stead Jones