what a morning…

so, okay,
i guess it started last nite…

this whole wave of anger moved in.
i was totally surprised to feel it.
i don’t think there was a particular incident
that brought it on.
as far as i know, it just appeared.

hmmmm….
okay.
so i let it be.
wondered if i’d sleep.
i did.

and it was still there in the morning.
so i took a walk and wandered in it to see what all was in there.
figured it would help me keep up a decent pace as i walked around.
it was pretty darn humid out.
even the anger wasn’t much of a match for the soupy air.

got home.
anger still there.
didn’t feel like it was going anywhere.
okay.
gonna honor this process and sit with it and listen.

and that in itself held such power.
another door opened.
anger was still there.
but there was more.
this door.
that i hadn’t really seen before.
and i could peek through –
and i could see this place that i haven’t been to before.
a place inside me.

all these years of talking about trusting myself.
all these years of working on that.
there is just level after level, isn’t there?

and through this door…i could see a path…
and i could feel this well inside me.
a place of such beauty.
a place where this stuff –
whatever it is –
the stuff that makes the process inside me happen –
or maybe the stuff of the process itself –
i don’t know what it is –
but i could see it was there.

and i just felt such awe.

this is inside me.
this is inside you.

there’s so much to find inside ourselves.
and i realize that i have just barely tapped into the beauty
of all that i am. all that all of us are.

and this feeling has definitely washed over the anger.
but i’m still aware of that anger.
and understand it has something for me.

i am now hearing it whisper to me that i need something right now.
and maybe now i know it’s inside of me –
that something i need.
and maybe i can go find it.
i don’t know.
i’m still listening.

wow.