upward spirals…

i think i have bumped right into
one heck of a delicious upward spiral!
and i am LOVING it.

i didn’t even think of that visual til one of my sons
used those words yesterday.
and yep! it rang so darn true.

i’ve been thinking about it.
and i think maybe i’ve bumbled my way into
something i want to remember.

it’s been a rough couple years here.
my husband has had serious back issues.
there was quite a dark cloud hanging over the place.

but! he’s taken a turn and we’re both real hopeful that
things are gonna be way better.
you can just feel that darn cloud went away.
it just feels lighter here.

so that’s the big swirl of that upward spiral.
totally outta our control.
we’re just lucky there.
and very very grateful.

but there’s more turns to the spiral.
and i think those turns were unknowingly set as we
stumbled along here…

somewhere in the middle of all this dark cloud stuff,
when i was feeling like i was gonna lose my mind if i
didn’t do something, i decided to focus on my own health.
really just kinda concentrate on more fitness stuff and
eating right.

so, for me, that is a complete turn of what i would normally do.
normally, i’d binge on comfort food and i’d veg on movies.
but somewhere inside me i knew i needed to DO something.
and the doing HAD to be for myself.
so the choice to work on my health seemed obvious.

i had already been off of sugar for a few months.
so i decided to keep that goin’.
and from there, my diet has really cleaned up.

the exercise wasn’t exciting at first.
i was doing it for health, but sure figured i’d lose weight.
and it wasn’t happening.
my gosh.
but i kept at it.
cause i knew it was about my health and doing something.
i needed the focus.

so the results weren’t encouraging me,
but the fear of going insane kept me going.

and after a whole lot longer than i woulda figured,
i DID start to lose weight.
and i have.

so you know,
that is now egging on both the exercise and the diet.
i am loving that!

and then, beyond all that –
my husband and i had to really learn better ways to communicate.
and believe me, we have a long long looooong way to go.
communicating – REALLY communicating – is hard.
toss in physical pain, and ooooch it’s hard.
but! we have improved.
because we had to.

so now! (thanks for hangin’ in there this far!)
as things are lightening up,
i am in this spot that is way better than when we started.
it’s not worse.
and think about it –
it could be worse.
way worse.
if i had done the normal binge and isolate thang that feels
comforting to me – i would be at a completely different place right now.
if we hadn’t worked so hard on communicating,
we would be in a completely different place.

this is big news to me.
cause here’s the thing –
one way or another, we’re gonna hit dark clouds again.
big ones.
and i want to somehow somehow remember
that something that can help me with the cloudy skies
is to prepare for the sun to come out again as i’m under
the shadows that don’t feel like they’ll ever lift.

that will take many different forms, i imagine.
and much muscle and focus.
but i think it could help a whole whole lot.

which is why i typed out this whole thing.
i did it for the both of us.
you.
and me.
maybe you’ll help me remember?