the practice of trust

it is just the most beautiful fall
in my neck of the woods. and i have heard
myself think over and over ‘i just don’t want
it to stop. i want to keep it like this forever!’

and i have to laugh.
the wanting to hold on to things.
the grasping.
the not wanting things to change.

i think i have that goin’ even a little bit more
than usual over here and it’s sneaking out in
little ways like wanting to hang on to the season.

and then i think of winter and the beauty of that
time of year. it’s always been my favorite. and yet,
here i am, wanting to stop everything just as it is.

one of the reasons winter has been my favorite all
this time is the profound feeling i get from the
trees and the sky. there is something really deep
that seems to get touched with the lighting and the
quiet.

i remind myself of that,
remind myself of the beauty at every stage of
the game, and i smile.

there’s a million ways to practice trust, isn’t there?
and i think i need a little extra practice lately.

i guess i can start with the passing of the seasons.
and let them do their thing and just enjoy them.

and there’s a million opportunities to practice
self compassion as well, aren’t there?

and maybe i can start here too.

as i see how wobbly i can get sometimes and how much
i need to practice trust,
i can smile and offer that compassion to myself.

it’s a journey around and around and around.
and being gentle with myself over that seems like
a good idea as well.