taking it back…

it has been a looooong few months,
hasn’t it?!
or maybe ‘hard’ would be a better word.
cause time still flies!

what i find the most interesting is how things can slip away
without me even realizing that they are slipping.

one thing changes,
and there’s a whole string of changes that quietly
go right along with it…
and i won’t really pay attention to that.

and lately, with all the changes that have been goin’ on,
there’s been a lotta strings of changes…
which led me to my ‘no! this doesn’t work!’ moment.

i have tried to stay on top of things.
i thought i actually was.
i have had many meltdowns but i get back up and get back to it.

but no.
i haven’t been on top of things.
and truth is – things have been on top of me.
and it’s time i figured that out and did something about it.

so i’m changing that.
started today.
got back up way early this morning.
i had inched the time back more and more and more
so that i was getting up later and then that leads to –
yep, you got it –
a string of changes!

so this morning, i was up early.
and oooooch it felt it.
and then i was out for some exercise.
and ooooch it felt it.
and now i’m back in, settling down to things,
and going to go down my to do list.
and yeah……oooch………it feels it.

but under all the oooch stuff is an ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh………
cause this feels so right.

i used to sit with the news with my coffee.
not doin’ that anymore.
it’s not just routine and exercise,
it’s filling my brain, and my body.
so while i want to get back on top of the drinking a ton
of water again, and the really eating beautifully –
i need to feed my brain better.
my brain has just fried over the state of the world.
and an unfried brain is a must.
so i took my coffee out in my yard and talked with my plants.

i’m taking my life back.
seems i’ve done this before.
i think right now it’s a cycle.
and if i’m not careful, i’ll lose it again.
and thinking ahead and how the world is probably going to go,
yeah, i’ll probably lose it again.
but! i’m going to get it back for a bit here,
and i’m going to hang on to it for as long as i can.

the only thing i have power over is me.
and the lack of power lately has been really getting to me.
so i’m going to focus it where i can actually use it.
and i gotta say…….i feel better already!