i did the doubt thang.
just this weekend.
the really dumb self doubt thang.
it was odd.
just kinda happened in a flash.
i had painted a rock to look like a silly giant bug.
friendly bug – orange with fun spots.
just painted it cause it was there.
and then plopped it down in my living room near my plants.
later, as i was cleaning, i glanced over at it.
and in the same movement, i glanced at the valentine hearts
i have hanging all over the place.
seriously, for the first time ever,
a question about it all popped in to my head –
‘is this how a mature woman decorates?’
that actually popped into my head!
and i was pretty doubtful it was.
and i kept cleaning but now wondering…
should i act a bit more mature?
that’s downright dumb, isn’t it?
but it’s true.
it came in and the doubt just landed.
i’m fine about it now.
good with my decorating –
tho, no, i don’t think it’s mature.
but then again……what IS mature?
do i mean boring?
i have no idea.
i just know i like how i decorate.
it makes me happy.
i like the bug rock.
and the valentine hearts.
and i remembered – after a little bit –
that what mattered is if it felt true to me
and if it made me feel good.
yeah, i remembered.
but it took longer than i would like to admit.
funny how these things will land.
and the judgments will slide right on in and
make themselves at home.
but that beat…
i’m hearin’ it more and more.
it’s becoming clearer and clearer.
those darn moments will always come.
but hopefully i’ll dance them right on outta here
faster and faster as my beat gets stronger and stronger.
and now that bright orange bug rock
is my little reminder –
just be true to you,
do what makes you smile.
the rest doesn’t matter.