i don’t think it was a growth spurt.
but more like a – back against the wall,
you WILL get this lesson, or break – spurt.

that’s what it felt like.

that’s not right.
it didn’t FEEL like that.
it just felt like my back was pushed up against
a wall, and i was gonna break.

i didn’t realize there was a lesson to get.

altho, there always seems to be a lesson to get, doesn’t there?

i honestly feel like i came close to breaking.

but i’ve got some pretty good survival instincts.
and just when it really hit one heck of a point for me –
i turned.
cried a lot.
and found my way again.

and now i’m going up.


because that was hard.

so i’m being extra gentle with myself.
i took myself to my favorite grocery store, just because i like food.
and i took the beautiful route, because i find it healing.
and i realized that i figured out some really important stuff
that i needed to figure out thru this tumble thru this pit i just did.

and i actually got excited about that.
gingerly excited.
i’m still a little raw.
gingerly rawly excited.

cause what i really want is to grow.
and i think i just got shoved up onto the next level
in the climb outta the muck that blinds me.
which is way cool, isn’t it?

so, yeah, i know this is vague.
cause the point isn’t what i found.
not yet.
for now, the point is that if you’re pinned up with
your back against the wall, feeling like you might break,
i wanted to remind you – you’ll find your pivot point.
you will.
and you might end up kinda grateful for the whole thing.

which is nuts, isn’t it?!
big sigh.
what a journey.