not quite getting the hang of it yet…

this whole new stage of life thing hasn’t really sunk in.
like, i know i’m in one.
yet i forget i have to relearn stuff.

this morning i walked.
and i thought about it.

i thought about nurturing.
and i thought about how it’s ME i gotta nurture now.

i knew that.
well, i have had the thought before.
but KNOWING it is another story.

i think i just keep falling into old patterns
because i know the old patterns.
the new ones aren’t formed yet and it’s hard to
really get the hang of it.
heck, it’s hard to even REMEMBER i need to make them!

and i want to.
and actually do it!
specially now.
the holidays are here.
the whole season can be great fun for me IF
i don’t have expectations.
IF i don’t keep looking to others to make it fun for me.
IF i can find the nurturing for myself,
and the awareness of what i need for myself.

what i need from me.
not what i want others to hand me.

i posted a new facebook cover today.
i picked it because of the quote –
‘concentrating on the love,
the needs dropped to the side –
and laughter spilled right out.’

i want to concentrate on my love for others
this season. and laugh with them and enjoy them.
and i want to concentrate on my love for myself as well.
and be happy with myself and find the joy in the
nurturing of who i am.

so, okay.
i think i need to write this down.   🙂
i really want to do this anyway.
why not start with the holidays?!