no food for you!

okay…
i’ve been watching…
fear.
we feed it a lot.

i certainly know i do.

the beauty of this watching
is i’ve been watching it in others.

always always easier to see it there.
then flip it on myself.

and my gosh,
has it ever been making an impression on me.
i can see clearly how much harder it makes things.

oh yes.

and i can see how we feed it.
we really really feed it.

so.
i’m not really clear on how not to have it.
don’t think i can do that part.

so i’m gonna kinda go with i’ll have it.

but the feeding of it…
that seems like a place where i have some control.

there seems to be some kinda part of the equation
that goes like this –

‘but if i’m not fearful, i’m not being realistic
about what is going on. i am just trying to see
what’s really there. and what’s really there is scary.
so i have fear.’

some form of that seems to be in the mixture.
that the fear legitimizes the seriousness of the
situation.

and that makes for confusion.
i gotta kinda untangle all that yet…

i heard myself go into practical mode with a friend
when we were trying to sort thru something in her life
that is scary.

‘okay, what is it we can do here?’
and so we talked about what we could do.
and then i suggested not feeding the fear.
that when that came over her, maybe she could concentrate
on wrapping the person she was afraid for in light.
‘that could only help.’
and we’ll focus on the things we can do.

i think one of the things fear does is it takes
my clear thinking away. and it certainly amps up any
bad part of the deal.

so i just wrote a note to myself in my little notes book –
‘your number one job – don’t feed the fear!’

and i think way down underneath all that is a challenge we need
to sit with – how much do we really trust ourselves? our bodies?
our abilities to cope?

good stuff to think on…

pass the trust please.