love notes to myself

i found this just now!

i did a series at some point
called ‘love notes to myself’
trying to encourage me,
trying to encourage you –
to pay more attention to the act of
really seeing, really loving our depths.

i found this one and smiled.
i wrote this years ago.
it made me stop and think this morning.

i feel like i see myself so much better these days.
i can feel a comfort and a relaxation in myself
that i never had before.

i have definitely gotten better at the SEEING part.

i hear from different women that this comes
at this time of life. and i can feel it.

interestingly enough though –
i’m not sure i stop to love myself any more than
i ever did before.
not sure i’ve gotten better at the LOVING part?

is there a difference between being comfortable
in yourself and actually loving yourself?

i’m kinda thinking there is.

and now i’m wondering if that will come
more naturally in my 60’s. (60th birthday this year!)

how much of all this is actually a process
that naturally happens if we open to it?

i got a jolt of excitement here with that thought.

i’m doing everything i can to step into the changes
that are happening in my life right now.

retiring and moving.
moving didn’t scare me at all.
retiring has terrified me!
i have kinda narrowed down some of the reasons
for the terror, and that helps.

but what also helps is the idea of stepping into
the future the best i can and realizing THAT will
open up the process even more and give me more
space to open to the love for myself.

woe.
i wonder if that is part of the terror i’m feeling
as well? i wonder if part of me knows that?!
and part of me freaks out about that?!

laughing, clapping and freaking out all at once!

what a journey!