jolts

taking a break from the rules today,
to sit with being here.

yesterday on my walk,
i got a real jolt.
i honestly believe i came really
REALLLY
close to not being here.

it was a car on my walk.
story doesn’t matter.
thing is,
it was so close, that after it sped away,
i just stood still with my hands on my heart,
totally understanding that it could have all been over right then.
and that moment that i was standing there,
well, it didn’t have to be that.
i could have been gone
and it could have been all over.
just like that.

(and yes, it has led to an opening of different options
in the morning. not sure what i will end up doin’,
but i will be trying different things.)

so, here’s the thing –
those jolts – those are a gift.
they’re rare.

it’s not the jolt of horrible health news,
or horrible health problems.
or things that knock us flat and make it hard
to get thru the day.

it doesn’t carry residue so heavy we can’t move.

it comes, scares the daylights outta you, and leaves.

those are the moments you really see what you block out
most every other moment. –
that it’s no small thing you’re here, and you can be gone
in a second.

it was powerful.
and it stayed with me all day.
and is still here this morning.

things like sipping tea out of a tea cup i love,
listening to bob tell me something,
feelin’ the softness of my socks…
all that stuff was noticed big time.

i know that to function and really get thru the days,
a lot of the noticing will disappear.
i am lucky enough that i naturally notice a bit anyway,
but i want to really really try to carry a piece of this
jolt with me for as long as i can.

it’s a goofy time now.
it’s been a goofy time for awhile now.
grumbling can come easy.
well, i just want the noticing to come as easily
as the grumbling does, ya know?

thought i’d put this out there as there’s
a lotta adjusting going on now.
and maybe the gift of it all is easier forgotten.
here’s a reminder today –
we’re here to adjust.
that in itself is a beautiful thing.

let’s dance with the universe today.
and let’s laugh with god…