i’ve missed her…

it didn’t seem like much of a cold.
no big symptoms.
should slip in and out quickly, i thought.
ohmygosh –
it’s the cold that never leaves.
tho i’m much much better now and planning on
hitting the new year with vigor!
good thing i still have a few days –
figuring vigor starts on wednesday.
naps until then.

each day i feel a little more myself.

wanna be clear here –
it was no big sickness.
no big pains or long nites or anything like that.
just a cold.
but it has had this one symptom that’s unnerved me –

if i had to describe one thing about it, i would say
i just didn’t feel like me.

that it took terri away from me.

and i’m not exactly sure why,
but that’s made one heck of an impact on me.

i missed her.
i missed me.

that seems so important to me right now.
and i have no idea how to articulate it.
it’s just that maybe i see how much i like being me.
maybe we all need a nudge in that area?
i don’t know.
but that’s why i’m posting this.

do we know how much we like being who we are?
do we know how much of us goes missing when we
have a big illness or stress of some sort?

a lotta times i bet we’re not even aware of how
much of us is gone.

and then what if we are aware?
what the heck good does that do if you know but
there’s nothing you can do about it?

well…maybe there’s nothing you can really do to get
yourself back right away –
but maybe we can hold who we are and not forget.
maybe we can hold who we are and cherish that and
look forward to our return.

somehow, i think this matters a ton –
cherishing who we are, even when we’re absent –
and waiting for our return.
i’m still a bit fuzzy headed, so that’s the best i got.

tonite i’m gonna ring in the new year,
and i’m gonna toast the terri that i have missed.
and welcome her back for the new year.
that seems so cool to me.

just had to share.