i’m likin’ this idea…

women have told me over and over
that they found they could get comfortable
with themselves when they hit their fifties.

and that’s kinda echoing thru my head right now
and giving me hope that maybe i can pull
at least part of this off –

i wanna figure out a new year’s resolution
i can make dealing with my comfort of myself.

here.
let me start at the beginning.

recently i watched someone’s insecurities leak
out and make them uncomfortable.

i was surprised, as i wouldn’t have thought of
this person as an insecure person.
i honestly thought they’d be so self confident.

and when i saw they weren’t, it made a big impression
on me.  and it showed me how much these insecurities
really get in our way. and how totally needless, pointless,
and stupid they are!

and it made me want to just stop already
and put mine down.

yeah, but okay.
how the heck do you do that?

i’ve come to this same place with other things before.
how to put something down, for me, seems to be
answered with not so much putting it down,
but rather with picking something else up.
so that there’s only room for what you pick up,
and the other just has to be put down then because
there’s no room for it.

so what do you pick up, terri?
maybe just plain ol’ being comfortable with myself.

yeah.
yeah.
cause i’ve noticed, i’ve gotten more comfortable.
so i can work on picking that up more and more.

now, let’s not get carried away –
i’ve got those deep insecurities that i wonder if they’ll
ever leave. and well, maybe that’s a level i just gotta
work my way down to. i’m not even going to worry
about that.

cause i know i can start on the upper levels –
the levels of where i’m just meeting new people
or something pretty basic – i want to just be comfortable
with who i am.
i’m pretty sure i can do this with some paying attention.

and here’s the part that just tickles me –
it’s a gift for EVERYONE.
it’s not just for me.
it’s for those around me.

i know when someone’s insecure around me, it takes away
from the real give and take we can have. it takes up space
where authenticity could be. it makes people try to be something
they’re not or cover up what they are.

and i really get how that’s a waste of time now.
i don’t want to be doing that.
i don’t want to offer that anywhere i go.
i want to offer who i am.

and then…there’s that permission thing –
when you do that, others have permission to do the same.

it’s totally something that changes energy around you
as well as your own.

i am totally likin’ this idea.
want to polish it up a bit and add it to my resolutions.
or maybe i should start calling my resolutions my ‘intentions.’
i like that better.

rubbing my hands together and gettin’ ready for a new year!

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