hate and honor

i’ve always been the gal talkin’ about love.
never hate.
so what is up with that title, terri?!

i have been knocked flat with the events in my country.
there are so many threads to it,
and i have debated with myself over and over –
what is appropriate for my blog,
what exactly IS it that i want to share,
and what do i feel is the correct way for me to live.

finally, the other night,
i realized that one of the big things that i was trying
to process was the hatred that i am watching.
hate. evil. malevolence.
probably the most honest word is ‘malevolence.’
for some reason though ‘hate’ is the one that works
for me in my head. so that is the one i’ll be using right now.

it is so widespread right now – very public – everywhere you look,
and so incredibly ugly.
i have been knocked flat wondering why people are not just allowing
it, but they are accepting it. and THEN not just accepting it, but defending it.
i am seeing it openly being used as a tool/weapon.

so it occurred to me,
if i am going to stay the course,
and walk in love,
then i need to know the different ways hatred comes into our lives.
it seems to me that just taking a few baby steps in the wrong direction
will walk you right into the middle of hatred, and you may not even
know you’re standing there.

i need to keep my steps clean.
and right now it’s really hard.
because i am angry.
and afraid.
and frustrated.
and powerless.

all of which seems a perfect mix for hatred.

so what i did was sit down and just scrawl out the questions/
ponderings that came to mind right away. this was just
free-flow. no thought of trying to make sense. i did it in
just a few minutes while i was waiting for something.

i have since brought a couple of these questions to my family.
we’ve had some good talks about them.

i thought i’d type out some of that free flow here for us all to
think about. it may be confusing to do it this way, but it just
seemed a place to start.

the idea then, is to take this, run with this, ponder much more,
and mix in the idea of honor. how does one live with honor?
what is honor? i will be probably be pondering this thru the
blogs this week. just thought i’d start somewhere!

hatred as a tool/weapon.
takes over who you are.
drives everything inside of you.

forms of hatred? is it anything that divides?
is it as simple as snobbery?
is it separateness?
do we feel separate, then blame, then act with hate?

do you realize that it’s happening if it’s gradual or steady
every day in your life? in the media? in your surroundings?

how does fear fit in?
does hatred give the feeling of some sense of of security?
does it give a focus/easy answers when there are none?
does it feed our laziness yet make us feel strong and unaware
of our laziness/weakness?

it’s THOSE people hating – not us. never us. always THOSE.

at the very least THEY are doing it more than us.

is it looking outward not inward?
or is there an inward hatred that is actually projecting outward?

is it some sort of instinct designed to keep you ‘safe.’?

how does hysteria fit in? do i need hysteria? does it feed the fear
that fuels the hate?

is ‘peace’ the absence of hatred AND love or do you have to have
love to have peace?

and there you have the first of the ponderings this week.
how are we all participating in the hate?
how are we all supporting the hysteria and the hatred?

seems important to be thinking about right now…