discipline

discipline is an interesting thing.

i never really thought
that i was particularly disciplined.
i would just do stuff i had to do.

grinnin’….

then i figured out,
yeah, if it’s important to me,
i can be pretty disciplined.
sometimes i need treats to help me toe the line,
but somehow, if i really care,
i will do what has to be done.

it’s the whole ‘if i care’ thang –
i have to be mindful enough to realize i care.
that in itself can be a little odd.
sometimes i’m way slow about being mindful.

and then laziness does set in too.

so yeah, i’m not completely disciplined.
but enough so that i feel good about it.
and having been forced to make changes that
i really could have avoided,
i do see now that discipline is the easier way.
and i would like to pay attention to it.

i think i’m just claiming it as a way of life now.

and claiming it feels good.

i think i have been discipline shamed in the past!
no kidding!
by, yeah…….people who don’t seem to have a whole lot of
it in their own lives. which is beautifully eye opening to me.
i do not care at all if someone else has it or not.
i really don’t.
so why is it that someone who doesn’t have it cares if
i do or not?
yeah…..eye opening.
and so good for me to see.
i have no need to hold their shame any more.

or the whole ‘life is to be enjoyed’ comment flung with the
insinuation that you can’t be disciplined and any fun.
excuse me….have you not noticed? i really really enjoy life.

not my stuff.

so this whole thinking about discipline kinda sloshed over
into realizing that discipline is one of the things that has
brought me to a place where i’m happy with myself and my life,
where i can stand in that, and where i don’t need, want,
nor feel obligated to hold anyone else’s ‘stuff’ when it comes
to my living.

how darn cool is that?!

stepping more and more into myself here.
and loving it.