digging

i went outside early this morning.
and stayed there for as along as
my body could take it.

i’m in for a break now.
hoping to get my second wind
and head out again soon.

i hit a point where i just couldn’t take
the world anymore.
or um…… people.
maybe that’s a more accurate way of saying it.

i didn’t realize til i was well into some digging
how angry i was.
so the digging felt really good.
and as i dug that shovel in over and over,
i realized that i wanted people to be more than they are.
and that’s not only not fair.
it’s totally unhelpful.
it won’t do any of us any good.

so i am working on changing my focus.
turning my eyes to those people who inspire me.
those people who remind me of how i want to live.
not staring at the ones who make me crazy!

i figure that’s a good way to shift focus.
but then, i know, i want to shift it another time
after that –
because always, always, always, unless i’m looking
at my own self and working on who i want to be,
i fall into a pit.

so these are my goals for the rest of the afternoon.
well, these, and getting enough energy to head back
out there and be out with the plants yet again.