coming from the angle of love…

the deeper i walk into this ‘trying to be love’ stuff,
the harder i think it is to do.

this past weekend brought me at least four moments
where i had to stop and think ‘wait. what is it you want
to do here, terri? and ‘what actions will most help you
be who you want to be?’

that’s four times i can think of off the top of my head –
and i spose as i get more and more mindful,
that number goes up.

each time requires reflective open thought and then
strength  to follow thru on that thought.
which can be a drag when you just wanna kinda do what
feels right in the moment. and that whole ‘reflective open’
stuff ain’t easy.

but there seems to be some kinda ratio thing happening –
because all the while i get to thinking it’s harder and harder to do,
at the same time i feel a deeper and deeper importance to it.

i see what happens when we don’t stop and think and
work hard to reach towards love…
i see what happens when we give in to fear and our need
for protection.
and maybe even more unnerving than that, i see how that’s
encouraged all around us.

i don’t want to do it anymore, guys.
i really really don’t.
i want to choose love.
and yet….i’m so darn lazy.
i want to choose lazy love.
and there’s no such thing, is there?

and there’s no time for that.

the opposite of love they say.
fear feeds hatred
and fear and hatred can fool crowds of people¬†into believing it’s good.

and lazy thinking fools us into believing it’s them that do that. not us.

perhaps i’m just getting old,
but i feel like i’ve run outta time for lazy thinking,
and i feel like i’ve grown too strong for lazy love.