journal

musings and ponderings…

October 7, 2016

empowering stuff

ohhh this one’s captured my mind,
but trying to get it out to explain it
may be a little rough.
bear with me.

here’s an easy example,
which works enough to make the point, i think.

you get involved in a relationship that’s ultimately
bad for you. it ends. that’s a good thing. but it’s
complicated, you have complicated feelings about it
and it’s been really hard to get over. and you have a
memory from it. every time you look at a….
(pick anything here) we’ll just say a paperclip
you think of him.  and it brings up lots of emotions.

a few years pass.
and yet, still, when you see a paperclip,
he comes to mind.
and ultimately is not healthy for you.

at some point i’m thinking it’s a good idea to sit yourself
down and let a paperclip be a paperclip.

ha!
that’s it!
that’s the part that’s captured my mind.
LET A PAPERCLIP BE A PAPERCLIP!

i’m thinking we do this all the time with all kindsa things.
memories with people we’ve lost, and i’m thinking more.
i haven’t clarified it yet, but i’m thinking with me there’s
even business stuff. maybe a bad experience with a company
or customer.  not sure yet. but definitely feels like it.

if we let the memories constantly seep into things and color
things from what they really are, we’re hurting ourselves.
(of course i get that there’s a time for this and sometimes it’s
a good thing. not talking about that. talking about when it’s
hurting us or holding us down.)

sometimes we hold on to stories that we need to let go of.
and sometimes the holding is done thru symbols and objects.
and sometimes there’s a time to sit ourselves down and just
let a paperclip be a paperclip.

there’s a time to take the power back.

ha!
is that not just an awesome thought?!

i love it.
and by golly, i plan on goin’ around today letting paperclips
be paperclips!

vine_200x67

October 6, 2016

the fabric of her dancing shoes

a friend we knew thru the internet came by
the festival this weekend to meet us in person.
she was one of noah’s first website clients so
meeting noah was high on her list.
she’s also been a huge encourager and supporter
of  the bone sighs.
it was such a treat for me to meet her.

she has read my book ‘the fabric of her dancing shoes’ and had
some really wonderful things to say about it.
gosh, she made me feel good!
she inspired me again to try to spread it around a bit more.

i wanted to mention it over here. some of you know it.
some of you never heard of it.
it’s a book i put together a few years ago.
it has some pieces of old blogs, some ponderings from my walks,
and just a lotta rambling thinking and wondering.

the oddest thing to me is that when i’m having a hard time,
if i pick it up and read some of it, i get comforted.
that seems weird to me.
but i love that.

and i believe in the book.
so here and there i want to start trying to bring it out into the
light again.

if you haven’t checked it out,
you can click here.
and if you have any suggestions as to where it might be a good fit,
feel free to shout ’em out. i am willing to donate some and to try
to get them out a bit more.

here’s to the journey and the pondering!
and to friends who help you remember what you want to do
with the journey and the pondering!

 

fabric-of-her-dancing-shoes

vine_200x67

October 5, 2016

wisdom

someone shared some wisdom with me recently.
he said that we don’t realize the value we are to others.
and that it is important to know and understand.

it’s only been three days since he said that
and i’ve been watching over and over again how true it really is.

we get tangled in so many things –
our insecurities, issues, hurts and fears
that so often we just don’t see it.

and i think if we saw it,
really saw it,
it would be life changing.
world changing.

twice now, very recently,
i have been sitting and talking with different
people about their relationships.
actively working on helping them patch things up.
and both times i saw so clearly that one of the people
in each set just really did not understand their value.

i could hear/feel it hit when they began to.
i could see the impact.

there’s a million reasons for this.
not all of it is us.
sometimes those around us fail to show us in ways
we can see. but there’s a whole lot of it that is our doing.

a lot of it is up to us.

and i’m thinking that’s something we could all work on.
who knows.
but at least, for me, i’m thinking it’s something i need to
look at more.

man.
there’s a lot to this awareness stuff, isn’t there?!

vine_200x67

October 4, 2016

you matter…and you…and you…and you!

it just sorta happened.
i got this really cool  note this morning.
from somebody who made me feel really special.
and like i mattered in their lives.

if we’re lucky, we’ve got a few people in our lives like this.
and we get these moments here and there.

the moment felt so good and so important
that i mentioned it on facebook and popped up a
few images we could use to spread around and tell
people they mattered to us. i got to thinking that
it’d be a nice thing to encourage us all to do this
this week – to let people know they mattered to us.

the response seemed really positive.
like people were rarin’ to go to do just that.
so i thought i’d spread it over here too. and pop
up the images as well. you can save the images
and then email them privately or post them on someone’s
facebook wall…..whatever works. or make your own.
write notes, tell people in person. whatever feels good!

maybe if we all hopped in this week with this,
we could light up the place just a little bit extra.

 

beauty difference shine stars

October 3, 2016

we made it thru…

it was a ton of work,
a ton of hopes,
a ton of time.
and we made it thru the festival this weekend.

haven’t done one in a million years.
and i have definitely been reminded why.

they’re hard.
and the outdoor ones are weather dependent.

we got rain.
not downpours.
so that’s something to be thankful about.
but enough to really turn the festival around
in a way we hoped it wouldn’t.

so, in all honesty, it was disappointing.
i wanted to see noah sell out.
i wanted to make some good money.
and i wanted to get nudged into believing these would be fun.

these things didn’t happen.
but that’s not to say it was a wash out.
in its own darn way, it was really helpful.

sometimes you (and i mean me) gotta get pushed up
against a wall to really do some thinking and some looking.
sometimes you gotta sift thru some disappointment to see
the things that shine thru and stand out.

and things definitely did.
and people most certainly did.

my family was off the charts wonderful.
and i could see some changes in me that i really liked.
and some that i didn’t.
never a bad thing.

and i got to meet someone who i’ve known for years on line.
she looked me straight in the eyes and told me she ‘got me.’
and i believed her.
and i loved her for it.

those things were truly the gifts of the weekend.

the disappointment?
well…….i posted a shareable on fb today that really sums
up where i’m at this morning.

i’ll post it here as well.

i believe the words written on it.
and i plan to focus my eyes in a direction that keeps me standing.

 

focused

September 30, 2016

last call!

okay.
i’m thinking everyone’s gonna be glad
when i’m done with this darn festival!
as maybe then she’ll finally stop talking
about it.

ha!
prolly not.

i’ll prolly be blogging stories from it.

but i DID want to shout out a last call here.

it’s the art on the avenue festival
i
n alexandria virginia. noah and i will be
offering our art and as much light as we can.
we’re booth # W199 on commonwealth ave.

come on by and join us! that’s tomorrow
from 10 – 6.
the whole family will be there.

i used to dread these.
and this one i’m so excited about!
i think we’re gonna have a lotta fun.

 

artontheavesmaller

September 29, 2016

maybe it’s the team behind you…

sometimes we all stumble, yes?
and sometimes even when we know
that we have to get up and make life
what we want, we still need a day to
sit down and cry about it.

i think that’s fair.
and today was my day for that.

we have been workin’ so hard on this festival.
and then we saw a sunny weather prediction
turn rainy. (altho it has since changed again…
and we’ll just have to see…)

but that was kinda like IT for me.
one push too many.

i sent out the email to the family trying to
round up tarps and see what we had before
i headed out to lowes.

at the end i told them it wasn’t a great day for me,
and to please not ask me how i’m doin’.

that’s a joke around here.
and something for real.

i can hold things together until one of them asks me
how i am, then i start crying. i honestly just ask them
not to ask and then that won’t happen.

i figured if everyone knew not to ask,
i’d be okay.

they’re good about it.
they’ve experienced the melt downs and know –
okay. don’t ask her.

so they didn’t ask.
but they did something else.
they rallied around me.

one son who knew some of the things that were
bothering me, told another.
that one came to pick me up to go to lowes with me.
another texted with brainstorming ideas on how to
use the rain as a marketing tool! the ‘nothing will stop
us’ attitudes flowed around me. the practical ‘let’s
figure this out’ and the crazy entrepreneur spirit was
workin’ hard to open my wings up again to fly.

wow.
i thought about it.

okay, you can’t lose with this kinda support around you.
and maybe what matters more than anything is the team behind you.

and man.
what a team.

and the fear and the sadness scooted over
and gave gratitude a seat…

vine_200x67

September 28, 2016

trauma

i am reading an incredible book on trauma.
it’s called ‘the body keeps the score –
brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma’
by bessel van der kolk

so.
disclaimer.
i’m not even a third of the way thru.
so if it turns bad in the middle, i don’t know that yet.

i’m thinking anyone who has had trauma and wants
to understand how your body is reacting and working,
this is a great book to check out.

my empathy level – which was pretty high to begin with –
went up so much higher. trauma is no easy thing to deal with.

i know it’s natural to just want to go back to the way things
were before the trauma. just have everything normal.
but they’re not. and i believe he’s going to take the reader
thru the ‘paths to recovery.’

i just haven’t got that far yet.

i read it and am in awe of our ability to survive.
and amazed at how little we know about recovery.
we just want it to be all okay.
and our brains.
ohmygosh, our brains.
i’m learning more and more how they work
and sometimes just feel overwhelmed with it all.

since quite a few bone sigh friends have some trauma in
their past, i figured it was a really good book to mention.
i keep thinking of all our vets with PTSD and want them
to read this. i want us all to read this. to understand each
other and to help each other thru.

my dad used to always say ‘knowledge is power.’
that’s what i feel like this book is.
it’s empowering.

so thought i’d mention it.

vine_200x67

 

September 27, 2016

remembering

i’ve forgotten a lotta things that are important to me.
why is that?
i do that all the time.
it’s a life time of forgetting, remembering, learning,
forgetting, and learning some more.
and then forgetting again.

i sat on the floor last nite among all kindsa art.
it was so fun.
i pulled out all kindsa stuff to get ready for the
festival that noah and i are doin’ this weekend.

my guy walked by the door and peeked in.
i looked up from sitting in a circle of art and mats
and pens and glue and mess and smiled big.

‘i forgot how much i love this!’ i said.

how could i have forgotten??

i’ve forgotten so much of what i love about bone sighs.
i think because i’ve gotten caught up in trying to keep
the business afloat.

that’s a mistake.
or maybe that’s just the way it goes.
and it’s good to pull your eyes back to what matters to you.

i wasn’t looking forward to this festival at first.
i did it because one of my sons talked me into it.
but now?
i really can’t wait.
it’s been so fun to gather the art.
to be creating and just sitting with it.
to think about how to offer light that day.
and to get to share it with my family.
and watch noah sell his own art as well.

this is gonna be good.

if you’re in the area, we’re in alexandria virginia
saturday. we’ll be on commonwealth ave.
booth number W199.

come visit.
we’re gathering our best, bringing our hearts,
and really trying to offer light. come bring some
of your own light and let’s brighten up the day
together!

you can find out about the festival here.

vine_200x67

September 22, 2016

you didn’t think i was done, did you?!

and my fourth beach lesson –

i watched a family –
a mom, dad and young daughter –
set up right near us.

the dad smiled and said hello to us.
mom ignored us.

as i watched, i saw she was really grouchy.
i wondered if she was sick and not feelin’ good.
and totally hoped she wasn’t this way all the time.
thought maybe it was just a bad day for her.

but it was a REALLY bad day for her.

she didn’t participate with her family at all.
she sat in a chair with a book while the father
and daughter played in the waves and in the sand.
she didn’t watch them and smile.
she ignored them.

when her daughter came up to her for something,
she was bossy and scolding.
i watched daughter and dad having fun and even tho
the daughter ran up repeatedly to the mom,
mom wasn’t gonna take part in any happiness.

the distance between mom and dad was great.
and i thought maybe that’s it. maybe they’re having
problems.

who knew what the deal was….but there was something
definitely goin’ on.

and what i saw was that the grouchy stuff was isolating the
mom so much. that the daughter and dad bonded over the fun,
and maybe even in staying away from mom.

i watched and thought –
‘when you’re mean and grouchy,
it’s you who you hurt.
the others go away and play.’

and while this is a dramatic example,
there’s a thousand little ones we all live out in our own lives
all the time.

maybe we’re not mean and grouchy,
but maybe we’re stressed and distracted.
whatever it is, we’re not participating in the goodness around us.

and it’s us that we hurt.
and so many good things that we lose.

hoping that family is having a better day today.
and wanting to really stay mindful…

vine_200x67