journal

musings and ponderings…

March 24, 2020

the first rule

okay, not knowing where to begin,
i shall begin at the beginning!

well, that’s not true…
i’ve already begun, haven’t i?
this will be the third blog on the book,
12 rules for life’ by jordan peterson.
so i guess i’m not really starting at the beginning.
and all of this makes me think of one of the rules –
‘be precise in your speech.’
ahem.
but that’s rule number eight.
(gotta work on that one…)

so um…..
let me just get into the first rule.
i’ve mentioned it earlier –
it’s ‘stand up straight with your shoulders back.’

and i think this is probably his most fun chapter.
if you don’t like the first chapter, you probably
won’t like the rest of the book. this one had me grinning
through quite a lot of it. i loved it.

he goes on a lot about lobsters.

i’m just gonna leave the lobsters to anyone curious
about the book to go read themselves,
and just share what i loved so much –
what stands out for me with this guy is the total
attitude of take care of yourself, do your work,
it’s up to you to get it together. and the way he just
plops it down and makes me feel like –
‘here. now, you gonna do it or not?’ –
that’s the feeling i get. and i like that.

no. i love that.
i think it speaks to something that i really need.

and that’s what this posture stuff is about.
it’s the start of it all. it makes sense this is his first rule.

‘Standing up means voluntarily accepting the burden of Being.’
(and yes, i just love that he capitalized ‘Being.’)

‘Your nervous system responds in an entirely different manner when
you face the demands of life voluntarily.’

(is that not perfect for the times right now?!)

‘So, attend carefully to your posture. Quit drooping and hunching around.
Speak your mind. Put your desires forward, as if you had a right to them –
at least the same right as others. Walk tall and gaze forthrightly ahead. ‘


and this made me grin –
‘People, including yourself, will start to assume that you are competent
and able (or at least they will not immediately conclude the reverse).
Emboldened by the positive responses you are now receiving,you will
begin to be less anxious.’


that’s the start.
and you know what?
that’s enough to keep me busy forever!
but i’ve only just begun.

standing tall!

March 23, 2020

a start…

i so much want to talk about
all the stuff in this book i just read.

yet, trying to figure out how to start
is really really hard.

the book is ’12 rules for life’
and the author crams so much in there
that it’s really tricky for me to figure out
how to nutshell it and talk about it.

this is the book i mentioned earlier.
and the author is soooo different from the author
that i am forever quoting here, mark nepo.
so, honestly, if you’re curious about it,
don’t go looking for a poetic book, like mark’s!
jordan just lays it all out there, doesn’t sugar coat
anything and bam just makes you go ‘ooooch.’
mostly in a good way.

i finally finished it,
and i’m a bit bummed about that,
because i can’t just say i’m gonna read about these rules –
now i feel like i gotta try to live them.

and they’re pretty darn hefty things to live.

so where do i start?!

well, it just so happens that 17 years ago today
my husband and i were best friends who decided
to try this whole ‘real relationship’ thang.
we didn’t want to lose the friendship as it was so
incredibly valuable to both of us, and we were worried
about that – yet we dove in anyway.
(i’m pleased to say that friendship has truly deepened
and we don’t regret that decision at all!)

one of the best things we ever came up with as we traveled along,
was we really tried to look at our own selves during problems,
and when things were really hard and we felt really stuck,
we would ask the other ‘what is it you need from me?’
there were times this was way harder than others.

well, jordan (the author) offers what he and his wife do –
and i like it very much. it seems to refine ours a bit, certainly
cements it, and the concise question feels really helpful.
and of course, this holds true for any relationship –

when there’s a problem, they ask themselves ‘what have i done wrong,
and what can i do now to set things at least a little bit more right?’


he talks about how they go to different rooms and think about it.
really really think about it – and open to the answer.
which, well, that’s HARD!
and then they come back and offer what they got.
and this part i extra love – he says, ‘Perhaps that is true prayer.’

another form of that question is echoed through the book…
i actually wrote it down for my every day living – and as it turns
out, i use constantly in my relationship now – it feels very similar –

‘how can i use my time to make things better instead of worse?’

that darn question goes through my head all the time now.
and it really really really gets you thinking about your own words
and actions.

living the stuff he wrote about isn’t easy.
but wow, it’s good.





March 20, 2020

well that helped!

well, for someone who is fairly aware
of the inner child inside her –
i sure didn’t see the inner teen tuggin’
on my sleeve lately!

i just haven’t been right.
and yeah, sure,
there’s a lot goin’ on that would make a person
not exactly right.
i know that.
but still…
i usually dive in and figure out what exactly
isn’t feeling right and work there.
and i was tryin’.

but i wasn’t touching on something.
and i could feel that.

it was a total accident that landed me
in a place where i realized –
there is a certain part of me that really needed
to feel safe.
my inner teen???
go figure.
i mean, right?
just go figure.

when i was a teenager,
when things weren’t right for me and i needed
to center and just feel better, i would go into my room
and listen to neil diamond.
i sheepishly posted this on facebook yesterday.
i mean, i’d really like it to be some cooler music
that i could claim i got lost in.

years later, i have tried to listen to neil,
but it just wasn’t my thing anymore.
which is fine. i just figured i outgrew it.

so why on earth i ended up popping him on
while i was exercising, i have no idea.
i like to believe i was being led.
maybe my inner teen finally grabbed the moment.

whatever it was,
i popped him on and exercised and sang along.
and i started to notice something –
i was feeling better.

REALLY feeling better.
i mean, more better than could be explained by
exercising (tho i’m sure that helps!)
but more in a deep soothing way.

and i could go right back to my room inside my head.
i remembered being in there and feeling so very similar.
and i could feel something inside me melting – in a good way.

i have been thinking about it ever since.
and wanted to put it out here.
i try to remind people often to pay attention to their
inner kid inside them. i don’t think i have ever said
pay attention to your inner teen!
well, um…….pay attention to all of your inners, right?!
and if one of them is tuggin’ on your sleeve letting
you know they’re not okay, maybe see if you can do
something that might feel good to that part.

here’s the thing tho –
i don’t think i woulda known it was my inner teen.
i just found her by accident.
but maybe we can just pay a little more attention to
things that we are led to. and maybe that’s how we can
find some of this stuff inside us?

don’t know,
but wanted to mention all this.
cause…well…..it’s a freaky funky time!

and today? after yesterday’s session with neil?
i feel soooo much better.
and i feel like i can stand tall and do what i want to do.
yeah.
and that feels really really good.

high fivin’ my teen!

March 19, 2020

tossin’ it here too!

hope cards

thought i’d toss this out here too –

i’m all proud of myself i finally thought of this!
grinnin…..

so, yeah, a little behind…but i got there! it occurred to me to show some more pictures of the hope cards! and as i just filled another order for them, i thought it was time! want to see them a little closer?

come look!

March 19, 2020

women stuff

just posted this on facebook
this morning –
wanted to share it here.

i’ll just cut and paste what i posted.

dr. kumar just let me know that she’s making short vids now and offering them over on her center’s facebook page. i haven’t had a chance to sit with them yet, but i watched the first minute of one and saw that they will be offered to help women learn self care, empowerment, and understanding what’s happening with their bodies! ha! that sounds wonderful! i think these are gonna make great tea breaks for me during my days. wanted to share with you. you can find them here – thank you dr. kumar!
https://www.facebook.com/TheOmmaniCenter/

while i haven’t seen them yet,
i am familiar with her work and other offerings,
and find her very helpful.

so thought i’d pass this along everywhere i could.

i don’t know if these particular ones are on youtube or not,
but i know she’s over there. i just popped in dr. rose kumar
and got a bunch. so you can look there as well.

March 18, 2020

stepping in

last night i finished reading
the most helpful book
that i have ever read.

the odd thing about it is that the author
is a controversial figure.

in fact, the last (and only time) i mentioned
him here, an angry customer wrote me that
she was done with me.

he apparently hits nerves.

here’s the thing – if you’re familiar with him in a negative way,
if he’s hit a nerve for you, or you think he’s terrible –
consider reading this book.

i believe it will change your mind.

the book? ’12 rules for life.’
the author? jordan peterson.

one of my sons had read the book months and months before me.
it had a powerful impact on him.
the book is really popular with young men.
(which after reading it, thrills me.)
and while i’ve listened to his lectures and knew of him,
i just hadn’t really thought of reading the book.
i think it was after i watched a documentary on him that i decided
to get the book myself and check it out.

the timing was perfect.
absolutely perfect.

i was reeling from a tragedy that happened in our community.
i was trying to figure out how to stand in the world.
and i opened his book and read the first chapter – the first rule –
‘stand up straight with your shoulders back.’

‘Standing up means voluntarily accepting the burden of being.
Your nervous system responds in an entirely different manner
when you face the demands of life voluntarily.’

one of the rules in the book is ‘tell the truth – or at least don’t lie.’
and it’s that rule that has brought me to blog about the book.
he’s so controversial, that the easy (smart?) thing to do would be
not to even mention it. but the truth is – this book, for me, has been
THE most helpful book i have ever read in terms of sharpening my focus,
taking responsibility for every part of myself, and for working
harder on critical thinking.

i WANT to talk about the gold nuggets i have found!
i WANT to share my excitement about the thoughts!
and that needs to be okay in my own blog.

so. this is the start.

i highly recommend it for anyone who is feeling a little lost.
he does go all over the place as he goes along in the book.
he says that a whole lot happened to him as he was writing the book.
and i can feel it. it starts out more ‘fun’ and gets heavier and more
frustrated in parts. but i liked that too. i felt like i was traveling his mind.
and every step of the way he was encouraging me to just think a little
harder, and strive a little more. you may not agree with everything he says,
but i would think it would be hard not to want to put some of these
rules to use.

if you’re interested, you can find it here.







March 17, 2020

finding my sanity

so i took a walk this morning.
with the purpose of finding my sanity.
it had disappeared.

i called out my imaginary friends
for some help with this task.

always there for me,
they showed right up and dug right in.

they helped me untangle a lot of things.
one of which seemed worth sharing –

it’s not the virus that i’m afraid of right now.
it’s the panic and all that entails that has me rattled.

but here’s the thing –
doesn’t matter what the fear is about –
it’s still fear.

and i’m still adding fear to the atmosphere.
and frustration and all kindsa not so great things.

so they talked with me.
helped me sort.
and reminded me that yes, there’s an abundance
of freak out right now –
but there’s also an abundance of beauty.

and they reminded me that people are such a mix of stuff.
but that’s nothing new.
and the more i saw and understood that,
the better it was –
not necessarily easier – but better.

it’s a lot of work right now to keep my head in the game.
but so?
do the work, terri.

breathe in the light.
breathe out the ick.
and just keep sending love…

March 16, 2020

working hard

the world has gone mad.
and it’s taking some effort here
to keep focusing on things i can do
to make things better, not worse.

i have deleted what i’ve typed over
and over again.

i cannot figure out how to not make
things worse.

so, i guess all i have to offer today is this –

think thru the fears.
breathe deep.
think some more.
breathe deep some more.
and get outside and look up.

March 13, 2020

beautiful work

my buddy, david, is so darn talented.
i first met him thru his incredible writing.

but it’s his photography that i’m sharing today.

and my gosh, it’s just beautiful stuff.
he’s got a depth to him that i just adore.
and it totally comes out in his work.

he recently got on fine art america
and i wanted to be sure to spread him everywhere!

you don’t want to miss him.
head on over and check him out.
and absolutely feel free to share, encourage and purchase!
you will be supporting a wonderful soul.

you can find him here.