okay, not knowing where to begin, i shall begin at the beginning!
well, that’s not true… i’ve already begun, haven’t i? this will be the third blog on the book, ‘12 rules for life’ by jordan peterson. so i guess i’m not really starting at the beginning. and all of this makes me think of one of the rules – ‘be precise in your speech.’ ahem. but that’s rule number eight. (gotta work on that one…)
so um….. let me just get into the first rule. i’ve mentioned it earlier – it’s ‘stand up straight with your shoulders back.’
and i think this is probably his most fun chapter. if you don’t like the first chapter, you probably won’t like the rest of the book. this one had me grinning through quite a lot of it. i loved it.
he goes on a lot about lobsters.
i’m just gonna leave the lobsters to anyone curious about the book to go read themselves, and just share what i loved so much – what stands out for me with this guy is the total attitude of take care of yourself, do your work, it’s up to you to get it together. and the way he just plops it down and makes me feel like – ‘here. now, you gonna do it or not?’ – that’s the feeling i get. and i like that.
no. i love that. i think it speaks to something that i really need.
and that’s what this posture stuff is about. it’s the start of it all. it makes sense this is his first rule.
‘Standing up means voluntarily accepting the burden of Being.’ (and yes, i just love that he capitalized ‘Being.’)
‘Your nervous system responds in an entirely different manner when you face the demands of life voluntarily.’ (is that not perfect for the times right now?!) ‘So, attend carefully to your posture. Quit drooping and hunching around. Speak your mind. Put your desires forward, as if you had a right to them – at least the same right as others. Walk tall and gaze forthrightly ahead. ‘
and this made me grin – ‘People, including yourself, will start to assume that you are competent and able (or at least they will not immediately conclude the reverse). Emboldened by the positive responses you are now receiving,you will begin to be less anxious.’
that’s the start. and you know what? that’s enough to keep me busy forever! but i’ve only just begun.
i so much want to talk about all the stuff in this book i just read.
yet, trying to figure out how to start is really really hard.
the book is ’12 rules for life’ and the author crams so much in there that it’s really tricky for me to figure out how to nutshell it and talk about it.
this is the book i mentioned earlier. and the author is soooo different from the author that i am forever quoting here, mark nepo. so, honestly, if you’re curious about it, don’t go looking for a poetic book, like mark’s! jordan just lays it all out there, doesn’t sugar coat anything and bam just makes you go ‘ooooch.’ mostly in a good way.
i finally finished it, and i’m a bit bummed about that, because i can’t just say i’m gonna read about these rules – now i feel like i gotta try to live them.
and they’re pretty darn hefty things to live.
so where do i start?!
well, it just so happens that 17 years ago today my husband and i were best friends who decided to try this whole ‘real relationship’ thang. we didn’t want to lose the friendship as it was so incredibly valuable to both of us, and we were worried about that – yet we dove in anyway. (i’m pleased to say that friendship has truly deepened and we don’t regret that decision at all!)
one of the best things we ever came up with as we traveled along, was we really tried to look at our own selves during problems, and when things were really hard and we felt really stuck, we would ask the other ‘what is it you need from me?’ there were times this was way harder than others.
well, jordan (the author) offers what he and his wife do – and i like it very much. it seems to refine ours a bit, certainly cements it, and the concise question feels really helpful. and of course, this holds true for any relationship –
when there’s a problem, they ask themselves ‘what have i done wrong, and what can i do now to set things at least a little bit more right?’
he talks about how they go to different rooms and think about it. really really think about it – and open to the answer. which, well, that’s HARD! and then they come back and offer what they got. and this part i extra love – he says, ‘Perhaps that is true prayer.’
another form of that question is echoed through the book… i actually wrote it down for my every day living – and as it turns out, i use constantly in my relationship now – it feels very similar –
‘how can i use my time to make things better instead of worse?’
that darn question goes through my head all the time now. and it really really really gets you thinking about your own words and actions.
living the stuff he wrote about isn’t easy. but wow, it’s good.
well, for someone who is fairly aware of the inner child inside her – i sure didn’t see the inner teen tuggin’ on my sleeve lately!
i just haven’t been right. and yeah, sure, there’s a lot goin’ on that would make a person not exactly right. i know that. but still… i usually dive in and figure out what exactly isn’t feeling right and work there. and i was tryin’.
but i wasn’t touching on something. and i could feel that.
it was a total accident that landed me in a place where i realized – there is a certain part of me that really needed to feel safe. my inner teen??? go figure. i mean, right? just go figure.
when i was a teenager, when things weren’t right for me and i needed to center and just feel better, i would go into my room and listen to neil diamond. i sheepishly posted this on facebook yesterday. i mean, i’d really like it to be some cooler music that i could claim i got lost in.
years later, i have tried to listen to neil, but it just wasn’t my thing anymore. which is fine. i just figured i outgrew it.
so why on earth i ended up popping him on while i was exercising, i have no idea. i like to believe i was being led. maybe my inner teen finally grabbed the moment.
whatever it was, i popped him on and exercised and sang along. and i started to notice something – i was feeling better.
REALLY feeling better. i mean, more better than could be explained by exercising (tho i’m sure that helps!) but more in a deep soothing way.
and i could go right back to my room inside my head. i remembered being in there and feeling so very similar. and i could feel something inside me melting – in a good way.
i have been thinking about it ever since. and wanted to put it out here. i try to remind people often to pay attention to their inner kid inside them. i don’t think i have ever said pay attention to your inner teen! well, um…….pay attention to all of your inners, right?! and if one of them is tuggin’ on your sleeve letting you know they’re not okay, maybe see if you can do something that might feel good to that part.
here’s the thing tho – i don’t think i woulda known it was my inner teen. i just found her by accident. but maybe we can just pay a little more attention to things that we are led to. and maybe that’s how we can find some of this stuff inside us?
don’t know, but wanted to mention all this. cause…well…..it’s a freaky funky time!
and today? after yesterday’s session with neil? i feel soooo much better. and i feel like i can stand tall and do what i want to do. yeah. and that feels really really good.
i’m all proud of myself i finally thought of this! grinnin…..
so, yeah, a little behind…but i got there! it occurred to me to show some more pictures of the hope cards! and as i just filled another order for them, i thought it was time! want to see them a little closer? come look!
just posted this on facebook this morning – wanted to share it here.
i’ll just cut and paste what i posted.
dr. kumar just let me know that she’s making short vids now and offering them over on her center’s facebook page. i haven’t had a chance to sit with them yet, but i watched the first minute of one and saw that they will be offered to help women learn self care, empowerment, and understanding what’s happening with their bodies! ha! that sounds wonderful! i think these are gonna make great tea breaks for me during my days. wanted to share with you. you can find them here – thank you dr. kumar! https://www.facebook.com/TheOmmaniCenter/
while i haven’t seen them yet, i am familiar with her work and other offerings, and find her very helpful.
so thought i’d pass this along everywhere i could.
i don’t know if these particular ones are on youtube or not, but i know she’s over there. i just popped in dr. rose kumar and got a bunch. so you can look there as well.
one of my sons had read the book months and months before me. it had a powerful impact on him. the book is really popular with young men. (which after reading it, thrills me.) and while i’ve listened to his lectures and knew of him, i just hadn’t really thought of reading the book. i think it was after i watched a documentary on him that i decided to get the book myself and check it out.
the timing was perfect. absolutely perfect.
i was reeling from a tragedy that happened in our community. i was trying to figure out how to stand in the world. and i opened his book and read the first chapter – the first rule – ‘stand up straight with your shoulders back.’
‘Standing up means voluntarily accepting the burden of being. Your nervous system responds in an entirely different manner when you face the demands of life voluntarily.’
one of the rules in the book is ‘tell the truth – or at least don’t lie.’ and it’s that rule that has brought me to blog about the book. he’s so controversial, that the easy (smart?) thing to do would be not to even mention it. but the truth is – this book, for me, has been THE most helpful book i have ever read in terms of sharpening my focus, taking responsibility for every part of myself, and for working harder on critical thinking.
i WANT to talk about the gold nuggets i have found! i WANT to share my excitement about the thoughts! and that needs to be okay in my own blog.
so. this is the start.
i highly recommend it for anyone who is feeling a little lost. he does go all over the place as he goes along in the book. he says that a whole lot happened to him as he was writing the book. and i can feel it. it starts out more ‘fun’ and gets heavier and more frustrated in parts. but i liked that too. i felt like i was traveling his mind. and every step of the way he was encouraging me to just think a little harder, and strive a little more. you may not agree with everything he says, but i would think it would be hard not to want to put some of these rules to use.