journal

musings and ponderings…

January 9, 2020

oh gosh…

i’ve got a stack
of some of the best books ever.
and i just read a little bit every morning
from each of ’em.

this morning i wanted to grab stuff outta all of them
to share here. and yeah, i couldn’t pick and i thought
it might be too darn much typing. a little overwhelming
for you. and just not a good idea.

so, of course, i opted for my man, mark.
and with great restraint, paired it all down to this –

‘For life only wants to be alive, the way fire only wants to burn.
And so we wake, and find each other, and love. There could be
no finer destiny.’

-mark nepo, things that join the sea and the sky

you’re welcome! 🙂

January 8, 2020

empower yourself

been thinking about the whole victim mentality stuff.

honestly, it is such a weight to carry.
yes, some stuff is out of your control.
always will be.
i know that.

but wow…so much can be addressed and looked at.

sure, we all have victim moments.
but seriously, i think looking to see if it’s creeping in
more than moments matter.

it’s the new year.
good time to stop and check.

January 7, 2020

connecting…

on my walk yesterday,
i got a nudge to send out a newsletter.
and since i’m tryin’ to listen and follow more,
i did!

if you’re not on the newsletter list and would like to be,
you can click here to sign up.

and one way or another,
you can find the newsletter here.

here’s to listening to the voices!

January 6, 2020

it’s got me thinking…

i made this graphic years ago.
but it came to mind this morning
when i read something that really
got me thinking.

i don’t know any science stuff behind this,
so don’t figure i’ll give you any.
and i wouldn’t even know if this is true or not.
but it makes a lot of sense to me,
and sparked a lot of thought,
so i’m gonna run with it.

it said that cells can be in either a defensive mode
or a growth mode, but not both.

and the book was talking about how our beliefs can put us
in the defensive mode even when we don’t ‘need’ to be there.

negative beliefs we got along the way –
the world isn’t safe,
i’m not lovable,
i am not worthy,
i don’t deserve happiness.
any of that obvious stuff,
and then stuff that’s not as bleak,
but still not correct, and still would make us defensive.

interesting timing.

i am doin’ some inner work to let go of some old stuff that just
isn’t true. and yeah, that is soooo much easier said than done.
i think some of that stuff is so deep, it’s hard to even know it’s
in us, let alone see it. and then once seen….ahhh the work to undo it.
oy.

i am beyond blessed to have the partner that i do.
he’s really helping me with this, and being so patient
as i climb thru it – and fall apart – and climb thru some more.

i feel like it’s so important.
and this weekend i found myself thinking ‘i have to change this.
i don’t want to let this kinda stuff end up making me sick.’
and then i read this thing about the cells this morning.
i’m just totally inspired here.
and really want to drop the beliefs that do me no good.

had to share.

January 3, 2020

what about this?!

okay.
brand new thought.

this morning i heard about a cool thing
someone did as part of their routine with work.
they work from home and it would fit for me as well.
i really liked it
and want to try to do it too!

which got me thinking –
what if i try to discover three cool ideas from others
every week?! i was thinking trying for every day,
but figure that might be too hard to really do.
three may even be tough.
so okay, two or three.
i want to make it doable.

but think about it –
it seems to me if you keep this in mind,
you’ll stay more alert, more open, and the possibilities are endless!
can you imagine doin’ this for the rest of your life?!

i think it is so worth trying.
it could be things to actually do,
to just ideas to ponder.

i’m thinking that i want to write them down.
that’ll help keep me focused and help me remember
all this new stuff i’m taking in!

ha!

thought this was a good new years thing to share –
so here ya go!
should we try?!
i’m in!

January 2, 2020

landing back in!

ohmygosh!
where am i?
who am i?
what day is it?!

landing back in after some definite holiday madness.
and loving the quiet and routine.
ahh yes.

so many thoughts these past weeks,
and couple good insights!

in all honesty, i think this was one of the best
christmas seasons ever.
and yes, i know how lucky i am to have had it.

and because of that,
it’s kinda nuts that this is the year
i really saw that you can’t have the good without the ‘bad.’

and i saw how holidays really really bring the difficult to light.

i mean, i really saw it.

maybe i could ‘see’ it cause there was so much good,
it couldn’t take the good away.
and so maybe there was more room to be objective and observe?

i don’t know.
but observe i did.

i feel like i understand in a deeper way that this is living.
that things are never all anything.
well…no, that’s not true –
i think they are always one thing –
A WHOLE HEAP OF A MIX OF THINGS!
they are always a mix.
always.

i’m kinda thinking i should know that in my bones by now.
i think i have known it in my head,
and it’s just now starting to sink to my bones.

i think that believing this takes some of the sparkle
out of the top layer of life –
i think it probably does.
but i think it puts such richness in the deeper layers,
that it really is a cool thing.

i am heading into this new year
wanting to see clearly,
and to open fully.
and yeah, i figure i need this next decade to even figure out
what that really means.

and i’m in for the journey!
happy new year!