journal

musings and ponderings…

April 11, 2019

sharing tiffany jenkins…

a lot of you may already know about tiffany.
but if you didn’t,
i wanted to make sure you did.

i saw her awhile back on facebook,
i watched some vid she posted.
it was funny.
made me laugh.
and i could see there was soooo much to her.

after watching another something by her,
i finally ‘followed’ her over there.
she’s amazing.
very talented, so real, and what a message.

she shared this vid recently,
and i thought it was a good one to spread around.
this one is serious.
a quick run down of her story.

if you like her,
you definitely want to check out all she has to offer.
some of it will make you belly laugh,
some of it will make you cry.
all of it will make you think and feel,
and touch your heart in some way.

it’s a woman offering her total real,
completely immersing herself in her vulnerability.

when i think of that and our quote of the day today,
which i’ll post at the end here,
i have to smile.

vulnerability.
it’s no little thing.
and it so matters.

i want to write her and tell her how much i love her.
thing is, she has something like 10 gazillion followers.
i figure instead of one more note,
i’ll just spread her around and help others find her and
fall in love with her as well.

so grateful for her courage.
so grateful for her heart.
thanks, tiffany.

‘the sea’


April 10, 2019

it’s a comfort thang…

being comfortable in yourself really matters,
doesn’t it?!

i mean, it changes everything.

i was talking with someone about this yesterday.
how it just makes life easier when we are in that place with ourselves.
how then other people can just be other people.
we don’t need them to be or do anything.
they can just be.
and well, of course, the same goes for us.
we can just be.

so i see that comfort growing in myself.
(you would think by now it would!)
and i love that.

but i also see it disappear quickly at certain moments.

interestingly,
again,
i turn to my imaginary friends.
(see yesterday’s blog post for more of these turnings.)

i had a moment recently where i went to them
and as soon as i saw the one i was going to,
i felt relief.
a sense of knowing everything was okay.

and then, to my delight, another was there waiting as well.
i beamed.
and realized how much i love them and treasure them.

that’s when they reminded me that they are me.
oh.
yeah.
i could tell by the tears that welled up in my eyes
that i hadn’t quite thought of it like that before.

and here again, i find their presence a ‘useful little trick’ for myself.
i think hanging with them is one of the best ways for me to feel comfort.
and then when i realize that they are me –
i can understand that i can find comfort and home in my own presence –
in the times when i forget!

or even bigger – in those times where i’m in a bad place and can’t seem to find any good about myself!

ha!

imaginary friends!
who knew they could be so darn wonderful?!

April 9, 2019

inner voice(s)

this was our quote of the day today –

‘inner wisdom’

i am such a believer in listening to your heart
and following what you hear.
when i started bone sighs,
i was so completely dedicated to this
and learned a lot about listening.

thing is – there are times it’s just so darn hard
and doesn’t really happen real well, ya know?

and i finally realized something.
when it’s too hard for me to listen in my usual way
of just kinda stilling myself and hearing –
THAT is a really great time to go seek out my
imaginary friends!

it’s just another avenue of listening,
but i think because there’s a little bit of separateness,
(tho not really) – i think it works!

i did this recently,
without really knowing what i was doing
and by golly, that’s when i saw it!

i haven’t gotten good enough with the imaginary friend
stuff yet to just know when to go there.
i usually take longer than i need to.
just because i’m not really aware enough yet.

but i’m learning!
and i thought this was a good tidbit to share!

can’t quite hear your heart talkin’?
then go chat with an imaginary friend!

ha!
yes!

April 8, 2019

sort of a prayer…

the very last paragraph
of the book,
‘death, the final stage of growth,’
by elisabeth kubler ross
felt like a prayer to me.

i wanted to type it out here for all of us.
it seemed like a good monday thing –
like a great way to start the week-

‘In order to be at peace, it is necessary to feel
a sense of history – that you are both part of
what has come before and part of what is yet
to come. Being thus surrounded, you are not alone;
and the sense of urgency that pervades the present
is put in perspective: Do not frivolously use the time
that is yours to spend. Cherish it, that each day may
bring new growth, insight, and awareness. Use this
growth not selfishly, but rather in service of what may be,
in the future tide of time. Never allow a day to pass that
did not add to what was understood before. Let each day
be a stone in the path of growth. Do not rest until what was
intended has been done. But remember – go as slowly as is
necessary in order to sustain a steady pace; do not expend
energy in waste. Finally, do not allow the illusory urgencies
of the immediate to distract you from your vision of the eternal…’

April 5, 2019

how could i have missed this?!

so i like dreams.
i believe they’re helpful.
i’ve worked with ’em a lot.
and then not at all.
but the point is –
i see value in dreams.

but for pete’s sakes!
it wasn’t until reading some of erich fromm’s book
‘the forgotten language,’
that a whole new respect for sleep has taken over.

i guess i’ve always viewed sleep as kinda a waste.
i mean, i love when i get enough.
and i’m glad for feeling refreshed afterwards.
but i never ‘respected’ it before.
always kinda wished we didn’t need it.

until now!

he’s explaining to me how it’s a really special time.
how it’s THE ONLY time we block out everything –
all distractions, all rules, all social pressures….
time and space and gravity don’t exist as definites.
anything and everything can happen.

and our dreams come and talk with us in their very
own language. we just need to learn to listen.

ohmygosh….he just deepened everything for me here.

so last nite…
i decided to kinda let my sleep know i now saw things
differently and wanted to honor it.

i lit a candle, put yo yo ma playing lullabies on, and took
a hot hot shower. and i thought about how amazing this
whole process is of sleep. and how i’ve missed it my whole life.

but not any more!
had to share in case you’ve missed it too,
and in case you want to wake up to sleep!



April 4, 2019

intentional

from the very first moment
i got up today,
i had an intention.

well, the intention has morphed as i’ve gone along.

the very first one was to hop up with the alarm,
get myself dressed and take the mouse i had caught
in the middle of the nite out to be released.

how’s that for an intention?

i had heard him get caught.
it’s a great homemade system that involves
paper towel tube, peanut butter and a trashcan.

all winter, no mice.
then spring hits, and what happens?
what’s he doin’ in here now?
mixed up mouse.
but i got him!
hopefully it’s just him…
but i know how that usually goes.

i debated getting up and taking him out to release.
thing is, my neighborhood feels much more safe at 5:00
in the morning than 1:00. so i figured he could wait a little.

and i did just that.
hopped right up.
wanted to give him his freedom as soon as i could.
‘hang on, little thing, i’m gonna get you outta here!’
and off i went with a mouse in my trashcan.

after that my attention turned to my walk and my insides.
where the intention became to be aware of centering today –
do all i could to help myself center and stay there.

and as i was in the middle of doing that,
my heart opened so much that i could actually feel it do so.

ooooh….i thought – THIS is what you want your intention to be –
open your heart today. just keep focusing on that and feeling it.
cause, wow, that is an amazing feeling.
i actually put my hand over my heart as i drove,
just feeling it open.

then mixed in all that was the nudge for gratitude.
make THAT your intention, today, terri.
that’s so important.

laughin’……okay! okay! okay!
how about the intention being ‘keep all that good stuff in mind,
and keep opening more to it!’?!?!?!

yeah. that sounds good to me.

it felt good to release that little mouse this morning.
felt great he’s outta my house,
felt good to see him run towards a buncha nice looking mouse terrain.
felt good to handle it all without screaming.
i’ve come a long way!

and ever since then, every intention i turn today feels really good.
i can feel a response inside,
and it just feels good.

now.
to keep this mood up if i find myself on another mouse release
adventure tomorrow morning…


April 3, 2019

possibly due to spring?!

i feel like i’m in such a growth spurt!
is this a spring thang?!

i look outside and i want to do everything
all at once!
and yet, at the same time –
i have books that i MUST read!
they are books on figuring myself out.

i just got fromm’s book ‘the forgotten language’ –
and my fingers are burning to pick it up!
but there are things to tend to.

the growth popping up outta the earth outside
is matching the feeling of what’s goin’ on with
me inside!

it’s a combination of wanting to scream out as loud
as i possibly can that ‘I WANT TO UNDERSTAND BETTER!’
and not taking the time to scream because i’m too busy
trying to actually understand a little bit.

and it almost feels like the earth is doing that –
only instead of screaming out about understanding,
it’s screaming out about HOPE.
and yet it’s so busy growing hope,
that it can’t take time to shout.
yet, shouting can’t help but happen because it’s all
part of the growth explosion!

all which strikes me as awesome cool.

https://www.bonesigharts.com/store/hope
April 2, 2019

it’s a little bit different than you think…

i was quite tickled yesterday
when the april issue of
‘on purpose woman’ came out.

but the reasons are a little bit different than you think.

the woman who runs the magazine
came to me and asked if they could use
my art piece for the cover.
she offered to return the favor by giving me space to
write a bio or something.

i didn’t want to get something back.
it was so easy to share with her,
i know her from years ago,
i’m supportive of what she does.
i didn’t need anything back.

so i told her that.
and didn’t offer any write up.
figure she can then feel at ease to forget about it.

here’s the thing tho –
she went the extra mile, snagged a write up right from my website
and put together a beautiful piece for me.

THAT was the tickle.
the fact that she did it when she really didn’t have to.
and the fact that it was so beautifully done.
and in the intro she mentions when we met years and years ago.
i honestly didn’t even know she remembered that.
that just melted me.

it’s nice to have the write up there, yes.
but in all honesty, i’m okay without it.
that wasn’t the tickle.

the tickle was the act of her of doing this.

i love that.
wanted to share it here –
not so you can read my write up.
you already know my story.
or if you don’t, it’s okay,
it’s an ever evolving story that you know enough of just from the blog here.
but i wanted to share her magazine and her work with you.
click here and you’ll find it!



April 1, 2019

newsletter day

hey, guys!
the newsletter went out today.
if you don’t get it in your email box
and would like to see it,
you can find it here.

there’s a sign up at the bottom of it,
if you want to get them emailed to you.

there’s news of etsy originals,
and a new cozy spot on the website
to land if you’re just havin’ a hard time.

come on over and check it out!

March 29, 2019

mindfulness

i joked on facebook this morning
about getting so lost in thinking
about mindfulness as i walked,
that i forgot to notice anything around me!

yeah.
what can i say?
true story.
til i noticed.
laughed,
and gave it all up to just chat with the moon.

i don’t think there will ever be a day that i can’t be more mindful.
it’s a big goal.

one i’ve worked with before.
this time tho,
i think i’m gonna start with paying attention to my eating.

there’s a lotta room for improvement there.

i started with breakfast.
hope to make it thru lunch and maybe even dinner!

it doesn’t seem like it should be that hard.
and yet…
i think it’s gonna take as much training as if i were
going to the gym every day.

feels important to me.
more important than it ever has before, for some reason.

so i’m stepping in
and trying to pay attention.
and trying to listen to the directions i’m being led…