journal

musings and ponderings…

December 4, 2018

allowing it

in a conversation with both myself
and a friend,
‘allowing’ has been a main topic.

the older i get, the more i believe in it.
i can still be way too slow to allow,
but more and more i begin.

when we allow.
for things to come,
for things to leave,
for things to be there,
for things to not be there,
for life to unfold as it will,
the more space we make.

the more space we make
the less grabbing we do.
the less holding on.

the more being present to living happens.

and somewhere in there, is magic.
and peace.

 

December 3, 2018

a big ol’ journey in one little morning…

i went out for a walk this morning
with the idea of doin’ some inner work.

and inner work i did!

i wasn’t quite done by the time i got inside,
so i did a little more.

and then a little more.

and in between the inner work i cleaned
and i worked.

it’s been quite a morning!

i feel as tho i have taken a big long journey
all in the space of hours.

what part of this could i share?
i wasn’t sure as one part without the other
wasn’t complete and didn’t feel right.
and believe me, we don’t have space and time
for the whole story!

but then i thought of these two lines.
i read them this morning in the middle of my journey.
and i thought this is the part i want to share!

this comes from a set of angelic messenger cards
that a friend had gifted me.
(the cards and book are created by meredith young-sowers)

the lines seem simple enough.
ha!
i don’t think so.

‘Self worth is the basis for spiritual advancement.’

and

‘Your search for self worth is also humanity’s search.’

self worth.
when you put it like this, it seems pretty darn important.

no one’s gonna hand it to you.
it’s up to us.

so?
whattya think?
we all got some journeying to do?!

November 30, 2018

ending the week with mark…

i figure we have to, ya know?

i read this in mark nepo’s
‘the book of awakening’ a few days ago.

there’s more.
but this is the part i wanted to share.

it started with a quote from Mochimasa Hikita –

‘Sincerity is that which flows out of your genuine innermost self.
Without this, honesty is mistaken and insufficient. It is like
trying to move in a boat without an oar.’

and then mark writes –

‘It is one thing to see accurately. It is another to allow
yourself to feel what you see with sincerity. And still another
to allow your actions in the world to be formed by both honest
seeing and sincere feeling.’

completely new thought to me.
i thought honesty was honesty.
and i just love this thought.

wanted to share.
seemed like good weekend stuff.
i actually emailed these quotes to myself!
want to play with them a bit.

November 29, 2018

a really good moment

i had a really good moment the other day
while gathered with some friends.

we were talking about how we all seem
to carry issues and stuff from our past,
and that we don’t seem to lose those things
all the way to the end.

we all had seen enough examples of people
well into their 80’s still reacting to
things from childhood to know that it’s not unusual.

the consensus among my friends was that this was
just the way it is. and there wasn’t any changing it.

and there i stood.
in total disagreement.

in such a good way.

i didn’t need anyone to agree with me,
i was okay with anyone thinking whatever they wanted,
but i didn’t believe that at all,
and wanted to honor this belief inside of me that says
we absolutely can heal and leave those things behind.

and so i said so.
with ease.
nothing attached to it other than wanting to honor my belief.

they were my friends.
they know of the work i’ve been doing.
and they said ‘oh yeah! terri’s workin’ on this stuff!’
so they were quite open to my thoughts.

and it didn’t matter one way or another to me!

there is so much good in this story.
it’s a moment i’m still smiling about.

to have come to this belief is so exciting to me.
to know it is true for me and not needing it to be
for anyone else is so freeing.
to have my friends know and accept that part of me is beautiful.
and to want to keep traveling down this road of mine
is so deeply exciting.

i feel like i have spent close to 20 years finding
what it is i believe, and gathering tools to use to
heal and grow and now, i feel like after all this time,
i’m in the shop tinkering with them and starting to see
something take shape.

it’s so incredibly good.
and so was that moment i had with my friends.

November 28, 2018

if you’re happy and you know it…

just heard from someone i love this morning
that she’s really really happy!

how wonderful is that?!
but!
she doesn’t want to show it too much
as she’s worried about others being jealous
or others just not handling it in good ways.

yeah.
sigh.

i have also had times when i have been so happy,
but have kinda kept it toned down because
i didn’t want to make anyone feel bad.

yeah.
sigh.

but i’ve done some thinking on that.
and i don’t think that’s how i ever want to be again.

because it’s not authentic.
it’s not real.
and it’s totally not giving people the space to both celebrate with me,
and also to be totally authentic themselves.

i thought it was thoughtful and considerate.
but i don’t think so anymore.

of course there are tactful ways to present it,
and there are moments that it’s just not okay to holler your joy out in someone’s face.

but that’s the same with sadness or any emotion.
and those times aren’t that often.
and there is realness in sitting with someone who’s in a rough place
and just being there totally present with them,
and not needing anything more but that.

but that’s sorta a horse of different color.

the general living out loud of being happy when you’re happy
is real and honest and authentic.
and i think that’s a good thing, not only for us,
but for everyone around us.
in so many different ways.

and if indeed, someone is jealous and doesn’t step out of their
smallness to be happy for us, that’s okay. that’s their deal.
not ours.

and maybe there really isn’t that much room for those people anymore.
and that’s okay too.
doesn’t have to be a snotty or not nice thing.
it can be a gentle ‘okay. let’s go in our own different directions’ thing.
which is also authentic and respecting the paths we all take.

it brings to mind that whole marianne williamson quote, doesn’t it?!
i remember how incredibly taken i was with this when i first read it
a million life times ago.

still, today, it feels so important.
i’ll post it here for all of us today.
and just kinda remind you –
if you’re happy and you know it –
clap your hands!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

November 27, 2018

lynn

i have known her thru lifetimes.
we lived near each other in a funky
little town, but never met.

then we both moved from that same town to this same town.

which, you gotta admit – is pretty darn cool.

i walked into her house as she was moving in.
a mutual friend brought me there.
it was the worst timing in the world.
realizing this at once,
i got us all out of there after a quick hello.

apparently we were supposed to be friends tho.
because we kept bumping into each other after that.

i never bump into people.
except for lynn.

and in one of those first bumps
the book ‘women who run with the wolves’ came up.
it had caught both of our souls.
and we knew it when we saw it in each other.
it was in that moment we knew we’d be friends.

that was a million years ago.
we have shared birth, death, divorce, love,
fears, dreams, leaned in and leaned on
and shared many, many cups of tea.

i have credited her for saving my life.
she was my rock when my entire world crumbled.

as i look back over the years,
her heart just shines so bright.
she is generous, oh so generous.
kind and thoughtful, considerate and caring.
beautiful, warm, loving, soft, gentle, strong,
tough when she needs to be,
healing, and ohhhh so talented.

she’s one of my all time favorite musicians!
for real.
how cool is that?
when i sit and listen to her, i cry.
at her concerts, i tell her that i feel like i just
went to therapy and had healing work done.

i wanted to share her today on her birthday.
if you don’t know her music,
you totally want to check her out.
consider purchasing her cd’s or downloads.
truly, they are lynn.
and you won’t be disappointed.
you will be beyond lucky to have her singing in your home.

you can find her website here.
i think that leads you to everything you need.

lynn, i celebrate you today.
your presence has made the world so much better
for so many of us!

happy birthday, girl!

November 26, 2018

have i got a line for you!

and nope!
it’s not mine.
but i bet you can guess who said it!
well, how’d you know?!
mister mark nepo!

today’s entry –
the book of awakening –
first sentence –

bam!

he coulda stopped there.
i just sat with it.
you ready??

“The goal of all experience is to remove whatever might keep us
from being whole.”

just sitting with that one today.
there’s an entire universe tucked into that one sentence.

November 21, 2018

happy thanksgiving!

sent out holiday greetings today.
it went to the newsletter list.

(if you’re not on that list,
and would like to be, you can
find the sign up here.)

it’s got a bone sigh i wrote for today
and a beautiful video from noah,
and just thanksgiving gratitude.

you can view it here.

wishing everyone today,
in whatever circumstance you find yourself,
peace and moments of deep gratitude.

happy thanksgiving!

November 21, 2018

thanksgiving e-cards

you guys knew we had e-cards, yes?
they’re free and you can send as
many as you like.

i wonder if you can send them to yourself?
YES! you can!
i just sent myself one,
giving myself thanks for me today!

ha!
how fun!

i put up new thanksgiving ones recently,
but there’s all kinds.

go check ’em out.
send a few.
send yourself one!
lift your spirits and spread some love!

you can find them here!

November 20, 2018

a thanksgiving thought…

it’s terri tuesday!
was thinking of a friend who is struggling
right now and did a podcast with some
thoughts from a conversation we had.

if you’re having a hard time,
discouraged about ever healing,
come on by and give a listen.

you can find it here!