bucklin’ down…

i think it might be cause i’m gonna get married.
which is odd…
i mean, i’ve been with this guy for a long, long time.
getting married shouldn’t change things –
but….
i think because i’m actually going to do that,
something inside of me wants to kick in and get
some things straight inside that need straightening.
i want to bring the best me i can to that moment.

also, i think the realization that even if i’m lucky
and get to live a long life, there really isn’t THAT
much time left. that i don’t want to spend my entire
life not getting things straight that i really can
with some concentration.

so i’m bucklin’ down, baby.

and while i’m blessed beyond belief to have a partner
that is right there with me walkin’ next to me thru
any gunk that i need to go thru –

i know this is mine.

a little tidbit of wisdom i read years and years ago
is that a lotta times when you’re in a rough spot, you
gotta do the opposite of what you feel like doin’.

so if you’re down, you gotta go out and walk or exercise
to get moving – when you really just wanna sleep or laze
around.
or if you’re feeling like isolating you may just have to go
be with someone.
that kinda thing.

so i’m gonna work on opposites for a bit if i hit a rough place.
i think the big one for me will be if i feel like running
and hiding, i will go to someone i trust and sit there and be.

gonna work this. gonna work this. gonna work this.
and yeah, i know…..it’s a lifetime journey.
but i got three months before i officially offer my heart to
someone…..
and i just wanna polish that heart up as much as i can!