anger, baby!

i got mad yesterday.
go figure.
anger doesn’t typically set up camp
and hang out inside me.
i have angry moments, of course.
i get angry.
but it’s really a rare thing to have an
angry day.

but i did.

something sparked a memory,
and then a lot came pouring out.

just when i thought i’d get over it,
and it would all pass,
something else came along that musta
hit similar buttons, and i could feel it
flare all over again.

and it just kept goin’.

because that’s unusual for me,
i could watch it a bit.

and i could be self aware enough not to
take it out on those around me.

but i could hear the edge in my voice.

and gosh, it felt so lousy.

i got to thinking about people who were
struggling this season.  and how this was
just a fraction of what they felt like.
i wanted to keep that in mind.
it seemed important to use it to understand
some of the lousy that people were dealing with.

it’s not like i haven’t ever had a lousy christmas,
but it’s a whole lot easier to really hold something
in others when you can feel it too.

and i thought it important to let it be there.
thought maybe it needed to visit for a day.
so i left it.

but by that nite, i was ready for a laugh.
i found a goofy movie,
curled in and let myself laugh.
and cry.
and laugh some more.
and cry come more.

lousy still lingered when i went to bed.
but i knew it’d pass and today would be fine.

that knowing right there changes everything,
doesn’t it?
and i realize so many don’t have that.
cause the lousy isn’t passing that fast.
and they gotta wake up to it all over again.

it is to those in that place right now i wanted
to just reach out and squeeze your hand.
i’m sorry.
cause that’s just hard.
and i want to remind you that it will pass.
even if that takes a lot longer than we want.

sitting down next to you,
and thinking maybe we need to curl in to a
goofy funny movie.

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