a strong fiery old woman

having just very recently committed to being
a fiery old woman filled with love and strength
in my old age, i figure i gotta work to make
that happen.

i was thinking about the areas in my life and in
my psyche that i needed to kinda pay attention to
and work on building my strength.

and then, because this is how the world works for me,
along came lesson number one.

the ol’ self doubt crept on in.

now, self doubt has its place.
it gets you to look at what you’re doin’ and adjust
if necessary. that’s cool and important.

it also can be crippling and completely useless.
unless of course, it’s use is to teach you to
toss it aside when it’s not called for.
and there are times it’s just not called for.
it just happens to be my default place that i go to.

i thought of that visual i had – of the fiery strong
woman i want to become.

and i decided to use this to strengthen me up a bit.
to believe in myself this time because it’s called for.
and it’s right.

i’ve been thinking a ton about ‘listening’ this year.
how i really need to work on listening to other people.
and today, i remembered i really need to work on
listening to myself as well.

i’ve got a goal…and when i picture that fiery old
woman i want to be, this useless self doubt isn’t part
of who she is.

i’m replacing it with an acknowledgement that sometimes
things just aren’t all that great. and that’s just how
it is.

one step at a time.
and i just took one.
kinda cool.