god’s been on my mind.
i’m not even sure how to explain it.
cause i don’t believe in the kinda god a lotta people do.
i talk about god like i do tho, cause it’s just easier to use the words that way.
and i guess that’s it –
i wanted to find my own words.
i wanted to find some sort of way to describe god.
describe what i mean by god.
i wanted to paint my god with words.
so i went down to the coffee shop and thought about it.
scribbled some stuff down.
and saw – i had no words that worked.
i was right next to a window watching the breeze blow thru the leaves of
the trees outside, i was looking at the sky – that for me is sooo much a symbol
of god….and i couldn’t do it. how do you catch the energy that’s in between
what you see? how do you catch the life in the living?
so i started writing about how i couldn’t do it.
and i watched my hand moving the pen…..
the way it just glided along, writing words….
and i thought…..there’s god.
in whatever is moving my hand.
but how do you capture that?
stuck, i went up to refill my coffee cup.
there was a young woman there filling the napkin holder.
i smiled, said hello, asked her how she was as i helped myself to the coffee.
we chatted for a moment.
and just as i was about to turn back and head to my table,
she asked ‘and how are you?’
she didn’t have to.
it wasn’t necessary.
it was easy to end it all where we were.
but she asked.
and she sounded like she cared.
i smiled, answered her and joked.
that was on the outside.
on the inside things just kinda stopped for me.
and i felt……really FELT….how god was right there.
right there between us.
i had absolutely no words to describe what i meant,
but i was overwhelmed with the feeling.
and for a MOMENT i really understood how god is everywhere.
i went back to my table sure i had no words for what i was feeling.
but still so grateful for the moment and how it filled me.
i decided to drive home and be in my yard with the sky.
as i headed out of the parking lot, i saw some people crossing into a store.
they looked as if they forgot god was there.
‘they just forgot.’ i thought.
we all just forget.
and sometimes we just close the door on it all.
but it doesn’t go away.
whatever that is that i can’t describe –
it doesn’t go away.
and for a moment i really really understood that.