30

blue.
so dark blue it freaked dad out.
how on earth did i not worry?
how on earth did i see only beauty?
but there you were.
pinking right up.
only beauty.
a miracle.
our miracle.
our blue squawking miracle.
the first and only time real euphoria hit.
every cell on fire with pure joy.
waving a red lollipop in every direction,
proclaiming your arrival.
now what?
what do we do with him?
he’s crying.
what do we do?
the newborn smell.
colic
no sleep.
colic.
no sleep.
solution to the colic.
relief.
little sleep.
little eyes.
secrets of the world deep inside.
talking.
long before you could say words.
we talked and talked.
shared our days.
oatmeal.
tuna sandwiches.
striped pants.
growing.
playing in the grass.
slides and sand.
picking the rose you knew you shouldn’t.
wandering the woods.
running away from home to the woods.
learning the trees.
bird calls.
playgrounds.
chrissy.
becky.
sterling and betsy.
baby buggies.
little brother.
moving.
growing.
running trucks thru the house.
we could be loud again.
another little brother.
the tree house.
the gardens.
water towers.
swings.
tom barb.
tai chi.
excavating.
growing.
our pool.
horseflies.
sawing.
building.
fixing.
growing.
the flu.
and the flu a thousand times over.
colds.
books.
libraries.
the phantom tollbooth.
bingo brown.
books and books and books and books.
so shy.
hide behind my legs.
train club.
good men taking your shyness away.
the extrovert comes out.
as does the nerd.
bird watching.
fossils.
astronomy.
math frustrations.
kitchen doors.
camping vacations.
growing.
girls.
church and girls.
dances and girls.
sierra club and girls.
tie dye sneakers.
cannibal kings.
duct tape.
IMing all nite.
barber of seville.
the play.
driving.
mary b. legs.
the beltway.
hotlicks.
paul, mary, garret, mike, joe, gene.
guitars.
ozzy.
sadness, fear, heartbreak.
tears, anger, confusion.
team building.
talking.
talking.
hurting.
talking.
hurting.
talking.
more ozzy.
engines in the kitchen.
ernie on the phone.
car parts everywhere.
growing.
more team building.
air compressors.
making things happen.
barbara’s passing.
depths of sadness.
stars of light.
goodness.
pain.
love.
sorrow.
guitars.
bands.
music.
growing.
teaching.
bars.
leather pants.
those darn women whose names i can’t remember.
i blocked them.
guitar students in the house.
robby everywhere.
guitars.
more bands.
more bars.
teaching.
students.
teaching.
growing.
guitars.
gigs.
bob walks in.
schematics and bob.
chaos and bob.
dogs and bob.
peeing and bo.
dean and the hamham.
robin shaking.
talking.
talking.
talking.
crinkly loud late nite steps past noah.
gigs.
growing.
your own home.
down a long hallway.
by the river.
that you once fought for.
grampa.
hospitals.
who dies?
life lessons.
growing.
a note scribbled with such pain,
bearing horrible news.
sadness.
growing.
growing.
growing.
teaching.
little josh.
walks.
runs.
riverside.
‘two weeks.’
‘joshua.’
street music.
homeless people.
kindness.
kindness exchanges.
train trips.
city trips.
new york.
philly
richmond.
radio shows.
connections.
train conductors.
connections.
subway people.
connections.
corey.
tara.
mike the spike.
lunches at menk.
growing.
touching people here and there.
deeply.
forgetting the importance of that.
then remembering.
conversations with students.
students returning.
letting you know the impact.
old people letting you know the impact.
kids.
teens.
elderly.
homeless.
vets.
lost.
found.
lonely.
touching.
touching.
touching.
chopping wood.
chopping.
chopping.
chopping.
shooting.
bang.
phoosh!
coconuts.
warmth.
laughter.
thoughtfulness.
sadness.
sorrow.
friendship.
growing.
life.
a blink.
so loved.
abundant.
not.
short.
long.
30.
josh.