oh that's so funny! it's a Oarty!! you know, i could edit that and fix it.....

\:D/

that's the spirit!!!

I'll bring the Pepsi!

You guys are the GREATEST!!! I love me an OARTY and I love me some Pepsi and you know I love dancing...... but mostly..... I LOVE you guys!!

                              

                                                      My Bone Sigh Buddies are the BEST!!                                        :(|)                    Seriously...... All of you played a very big part in my getting through this and having a hopeful, positive attitude and that's what makes the difference between healing or not.... And I have been doing a bit of that..... in lots of ways and you have been there with me and I thank you so, so much for letting me do that with you. If I hadn't had you there...... well..... my journey through this thing would have been lonely, overwhelming, scarier, and not near as determined and hopeful. So.... you all did this too and I am celebrating you guys, my health and the gift of your friendship!!!

susie, stop telling us how wonderful we are and dance with me!!!  lol! we love you!! and we're celebrating YOU not us. now hush up and dance with me!  :)  (and thank you for what you said)

You're gonna have to get off that treadmill Ter if you want to dance..... Okay? Well it's Friday night so I can stay up dancin all night if I want to. I have absolutely no reason to have to get up early tomorrow. So let's do this thing!! I had brought some pizza and one of those spot light globe dancy ball light things, but it said they got moved... so I'm assuming someone ate all the pizza and the disco ball? I may not have fastened it from the ceiling good enough and with all of this dancing around and rock and roll..... I have a feeling that it probably fell down and broke into little pieces. But the glittery colorful bubbles are fun too. Thanks for bringing the Pepsi Dan and yeah, there's a whole coller full back at the bus if we run out here. I'll call the pizza place and have some more pizza delivered and maybe we could get May May and Sunflower Woman.... and Jymi and Laurel and Sheri and Stitched and Catharine and Akasa and Gypsy  and anyone else that wants to party..... maybe we could get them in here dancin.

                                                                             

lol! it's sunday evening......you should be collapsed in a chair by now!!! not sure where the weekend went!!! i'm watching all these little guys above me and getting really distracted. i cant' think. the one blowing the bubble gum really gets my attention!!!

Yep.... I am spent. What good exercise though! I must have lost five pounds or so. I'll just be over in the corner, curled up in a ball.....dreaming, under a blanket. I left a note for the janitor to not sweep me up and if I get to snoring too loud.... you might want to turn the music back up. I can sleep through almost anything so it won't bother me. I had a great time and I am gonna go thank the Universe for you both before I sleep. Thanks guys! You really are the best.

well, you know everyone else was here in spirit too! sometimes they just don't wander in til later....so we'll keep the oarty lights up, cause they'll be here sooner or later! scootch over,

I don't have to keep pinching myself.......went back to my oncologist (Dr. Gamboa <3) today and he confirmed it again!! There was no tumor anywhere on the last MRI!! Ok, I think I can dance some more.... it wasn't a dream..... now I just need to hope it stays gone and that will involve more than hoping. I've got this one..... easy peasy. Good attitude? Check!  Faith in the Universe? Check! Faith in my self and my strength? Check!  Gratitude and Humility? Check! Friends who care, are supportive and light candles? Double check!!

That's great news Susie!  Keep it up!

it's amazingly miraculous incredible outta this world news!!!!!!!!

c.mon! one more whirl around the dance floor! c'mon....both of you, join me!

I guess I'm up for another twirl around the bus if you ladies are.

Just doing the Hokey Pokey.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB5AQ6X_UvA&feature=related 

This gal knows the words and the moves way better than I do! I'm going to watch her and see if I can learn some rythm. In the mean time.... what say we do some line dancing?

oh she's so cute! oh look at those little guys dancin' up in dan's post! look at that!~

Okay.....maybe we can figure out something really boring and dull to keep things under control here. Let's see... anybody want to talk about tax returns? No? Me either....I'd rather watch liitle smilies do the hokey pokey. They've got rythm in their souls. And something funky in their hats!

Watch out for the crack in the side walk. I don't know how many times I have tripped over it today. You would think that I would be paying attention after the first stumble.... but my head is stuck sideways watching you guys. I wish I could take my eyes off of you and put my focus on what lies  in front of me..... where they belong.

lol! i sent the little crab that pinches in an email today and distracted myself with it! lol! it's a pea brain i have!!!

Doesn't take a whole lot to entertain me either. I just like to click on the box of smileys and watch them all interact with each other. It's pandamonium in that box!! :)] :-c :-h

lol!

 Its cold here today..... suppose to snow, but it only rained.

 

 

 

lol! look at the tongue one! i didn't realize they had all these!!!!!

 Time to get up and moving already?(:| Feels like a Monday since yesterday seemed like a Sunday..... or maybe I'm just still recovering from the oarty.

Good Morning Everybody!!!  Whoooo Hoooo Susie!!!!  Seems like miraculous, amazing, stupendous, fantastical congratulations are in order!!!  Wow Woman...this is Amazing news indeed.  I know it has been a while since I've been over here, but when I read about your MRI showing I seriously got shivers!  I am so over the top happy for you....so I may be late to the Oarty, but I'll bring a triple layer Chocolate Cake with Cream Cheese Fudge Frosting and enough candles on it to start a small fire, he he.   Be Healthy in Joy Beloved!    Miracles come in all shapes and sizes and happen to those who believe in them...

Much Love,

Akasa 

;)

Ahhhhh Akasa...... I love triple layer Chocolate  Cake with Cream Cheese Fudge Frosting. OMG!!! My mouth is watering...... I'm sure everyone's is, so you ought to hurry every chance you get with that cake.

Thank you for the kind congratulatory words and for coming to our amazing oarty. It is soooo special to have people share in the joyful happenings of life.... we never get enough of those it seems and so, when they come along, we need to grab them up and dance with them and celebrate their Wonder..... and we have been doing that for sure. I'm so grateful that you stopped in to celebrate and oarty with us! We miss you Soul friend... we need to hear from you more often and know that you are well. And we have really missed you as we were doing cleaning and mechanics on the big ol' bus. (She kinda got impounded briefly for being abandoned.... but we rescued her and are fixing her up in the spaces in between our hikes, our day dreaming and our watching the waters flow down the river.)

Seriously Woman...... We need to have you come out more often. You are a special part of this Sacred spot and we miss you......(%)

 

Thanks Suze....I've been kind of quiet lately.  I had a surgery on the 27th of January that I am still healing from, and I've also been working on some internal stuff.  I came to post about it yesterday but hesitated...don't know why other than the fact that I wasn't ready to speak even tho I knew I should just get it out there...that maybe I'd feel better if I did.  Plus, it just seemed like everyone is so joyous right now I didn't want to cast a pall on that.  You know the deal I'm sure.  So...with that being said, I do thank you for the bus update, lol, and for the enthusiastic nod of the cake!   

;;)

I've sliced it up and put it on the Congratulations Table!!  Go and help yourself and hide a piece or two for later, he he.

Beloved Blessings!    

O:-)

What a delicious offering you have put out here for us Akasa! This cake is so yummy and rich....omg, it is good. I have eaten my fill for now and tried to save enough for all of our friends to partake too.....but.... and I'm just sayin..... You guys better hurry, because it won't last long. I know Ter won't eat anything with the word "fudge" in it, so I went ahead and ate her slice too..... gosh, I hope I got that right Ter..... didn't you say no to all the fudge that Akasa had brought on our road trip? That's what I'm thinking...... but there's plenty here if you change your mind. I just gotta let you all know that if it is here much longer..... I will eat it all.....untill it's gone. Yum!! Thanks so much for that special treat Akasa. You have got to come on every road trip and be our baker.

In the meantime, You've got stuff going on. You've got some words that need sharing and that's what we're here for. Please don't hesitate to do that because you don't want to rain on anybody's parade. If that is the case, I'll take care of that piece for you..... My parade has already been rained on, but it's still moving forward  and the music and dancing are still playing and going with the rythm of the Universe. You are a much wiser being than I Akasa and you know when those words have ripened and are ready to be harvested by friends and processed and shared. And I'm sure that you have also experienced the fuzzy goo that you get when those words sit, untouched and get too ripe.... so when you're ready to put those words and thoughts out here so that we can help with the work, we'll be here and ready to roll up our sleeves and offer up all the compassion, Love, shoulders, hands, tissue and caring that is needed or wanted to begin the processing and healing. I can tell you that from where I am sitting.... it helps me a bunch in walking my own paths to be able to be of some kind of compassionate help to others. We can offer you whatever you want or need when you and the Universe are ready to put it out here. You are a truly honored piece of this community Akasa and I Know that I would feel privileged to be part of your sharing and healing. So, please bring it....... let us walk with you, sit with you, listen to you, hold you, light a candle for you, sing to the sky.....whatever. You will feel better and so will we..... it's pretty recipricol really. But you already know that......

haven't finished reading the new stuff, so akasa, maybe you already posted what's going on. but if not, i want to second everything susie just said! and! you bringing your stuff also helps others to bring theirs. it's a good thing all the way around. so please feel free!

I am always late to the Oarty.

But I can pick up the trash, and clean up the spills. I will wash the floors and sit on the wall and just soak up the resonant good vibrations.

 

Oarty?  What Oarty? There's an Oarty?  Well I'll be!

may may, you're sittin' on the wall??? how cool! i wanna do that?

We're having a Pity Oarty!!

It's a great big snot blow out oarty!!

Okay...... here's the deal..... I'm feeling like a big ol' boobing snot oarty...... and you're all invited!!

I have loved the celebrating victory and survival oarty..... it was a really good celebration of the goodness of life.  And we definitely need to do that every chance we get!! Thanks Ter for throwing it and everybody who came out and celebrated and cleaning up the streamers and the popped balloons and leftovers. Sitting on the walls, hanging from the chandeliers.....it's all been good, good times.

But I'm thinking that maybe sometimes we need to take the pits, the crap, the hurts and the let downs...... the shit that happens in all of our lives from time to time..... and maybe we need to grab it up and honor it too. Maybe we need to let ourselves just take it for what it is and hold it and breathe it and let it whisper into our consciousness and then absorb it and feel it...... and celebrate the gift of it. Because we all know that if all we ever had in our hands was a big pile of happiness and Wonder and that's all we had..... we'd get real use to that after a while and we'd likely start taking it all for granted. After experiencing only the goodness and joyfulness for a while, it would become common, familiar, routine... and it just wouldn't be special anymore. Without the sorrow and grief, the happiness wouldn't mean much really, right?

So.....come as you are, come when you can.....let's share some tears and celebrate the growth that comes from acknowledging our pain. It's kinda scary to think about doing..... it's scary to even put out there as an invitation to you all..... but I'm thinking it's worth it. I'll supply the tissues, cuz I know I'm gonna need a ton. They'll be here on the table so use as many as you need to. If the timing not's right at this moment.... I'll be here for a while. Just take your time and come when you're ready.

I'll get it started.......

I've been thinking about lots of people who have been big pieces of my life; the ones that rest in your heart always and teach you LOve. And how empty my heart feels when those people are gone. How it doesn't feel fair at all to have special ones taken from me, especially when it doesn't seem like it makes any sense at all.....I feel like I've been robbed and hurt so bad that somedays I don't want to LOve anybody again, because the pain is sharp and constant and I don't ever want to take any chance of having any losses like that again. And then I think about all that they have brought to my life and how, if I'd never let myself LOve that closely and completely in the first place.... I would have missed out on sharing the beauty and joy they brought also. So, it's the best and the worst of LOving and it hurts real bad when it's gone. There are a few that I miss every day and I still carry them in my heart at all times. I'd like to just hold that and cry as I bring up their faces that I can't touch anymore and tell them how I still love them and say my good byes, even Knowing that their energy of LOve is still in my being.... I have to say good bye to their arms around my shoulders, their smiles that make their eyes sparkle and their hugs..... man, I miss those hugs. My tears will never make the loss of those hugs feel any better, but maybe the memories that come flooding in with the tears will bring some relief to my pain. The tears so warm and cleansing.

And then my ego begins to think about losing my children....the possibilty of not being part of their physical day to day world anymore. As selfish as that sounds, it is real. I don't want to be taken from that existence; separated from their growing and living in this Universe. I don't want them to hurt because I am gone forever. I don't want my grandchildren to have to live the rest of their childhoods without their goof butt grandma. I still have so many things to teach them.... important things that every child needs to learn at different times in their growing into adults.... things that I fear my own children won't teach them..... things that can literally mean the difference between feeling whole and feeling shattered. But some of it can't be understood just yet.... they're not ready.... they're too young to get it and I just don't want to think about  that not happening because it hurts and makes me feel really sad and helpless. So..... I'm going to sit here and let the tears flow for that too. I don't want to miss out on those special, precious lessons that noone else will teach. I don't want to think about my special son going through life without his mom to clean up after him, to see him be a winner in life, to become a father some day. I think boys need their moms even more than girls do. And that makes me sad.

And I really want to be able to LOve someone other than my children and my grandchildren on a spiritual and emotional level that only happens once in a lifetime. Yeah.... I have loved and I've been loved, but I want to LOVE.....  I wanted to experience the kind that makes you feel larger than life and warmer than the sun  on on green grass and wrapped in total acceptance and Wonder.... the kind I have felt in my dreams but never in my hands, except as a mother.  

The tissues are not strong enough to hold this hurt..... but tonight I'm going to learn to do it myself. I am going to sit here at this oarty and cry and cry, because that's what I need to do. I'm going to hold this hurt and honor and nurture it and celebrate the gifts that will come from this pain. I'm just going to sit here and cry and be cleansed.

hey, girl. okay...i'm  in. i always join a party. pass the tissues....i'm sad for stuff i don't want to put on a public forum! yeah, now i'm laughing and crying....what a way to join in, huh? but i did email you privately about them. i guess i can sum that part up by just saying i'm sad over a relationship that is just way empty. and i'm sad cause i'll be leavin' the guys soon. or they'll be leaving me. one way or another. and i may be leaving my home. granted it's to make a new one. and the home i have is really really modest and you'd think it wouldn't be a big deal. but it's mine. and it's my safe haven. so that feels really strange. i just have to focus on the love i'll be going to. i really need to do that. i got kinda swept in the leaving part, not the arriving part. and i'm sad about some pain going on in someone i love's life right now. it's all swirling inside me and i can go thru a few tissues here and join on in.  pass me another box of tissues, would ya?

I've got a big ol' hug for you Terri!

Yeah..... I'm back. Can't leave well enough alone. Needing a little more pity in my oarty. Or maybe I just need a little more opening in my water valve. Okay! I need to cry some more, because I figured something out today that I've just kind of been keeping under the layers. You know the kind? The ones if you don't talk about them..... maybe they'll go away. Maybe if you can be angry about it you don't have to grieve the loss of it.

So, today I was talking to somebody and the words came out that I hadn't been able to find words for until then. I was talking about how I need to avoid a certain part of the building I work in on certain days at certain times.... cuz I'm always finding reasons to be gone from there, to walk the loooonnngggg way around, so as to not go by this area. Just like it was a simple matter of fact.... not a biggy. And then I heard myself. I heard what I was saying..... and it hit me like a two ton weight. I don't go over there because that's where they do yoga... every Tuesday and Thursday..... all the people who get to do yoga. They're all in there doing one of the things that I loved most in my simple life. I was the Yogini from hell. I lived and breathed yoga, especially aerial yoga..... but any yoga.... I was there. And I felt really close to my yoga instructor/good friend, Angela..... we breathed yoga together. And now that part of my life is gone and that is one big precious chunk of who I am.... who I was. And with that chunk missing, it seems like Angela is really busy with her students who are there with her, who still travel with her to different studios and schools and breathe and talk and practice yoga. And so, yoga is gone.... it slowly faded until I just couldn't do it..... and now Angela and the life style is fading. And I take complete ownership of that, because I have made the choice to distance myself from it. It's like a selfish child who, when told they're going to play a game that they didn't get to pick out, chooses to walk away and pout in a corner. I tried to go in several times and just be there and not do the postures that bothered my head..... but it was hard. No, it was impossible for me to be there and not do what everyone else was doing. I couldn't be there and not participate, so I quit going. I've snuck back in a few times thinking that I was going to be able to go in and do some of the practice and soon learned that it quickly made my symptoms worse that I had been working hard on to make better.

It probably seems like I'm whining here and for people who don't have a particular interest that fulfills them spiritually and physically.... it might seem petty. But it was part of my identity.... a big part.... and it's gone. My doctors have warned me not to even go there, not to even think about going there..... and that is a huge loss..... just another big piece of me that I had tried to deny permission to grieve over. And it hit me pretty good today. I can't avoid what's real because it will eventually catch up to me. I can't deny it when it's right there..... suddenly bursting from the protective little corner of my mind where I had stashed it away.

Hmmmmmm......... sigh.......... sometimes I really, really miss me.

grieving the losses. isn't that what's goin' on here. i wish sue was here. she's stopped in before. she has an illness that's eventually gonna take her out. and slowly, gradually, she's lost pieces of herself. and it's a grieving process that never seems to end. she talks about that a bit and makes me understand a little bit of how hard that would be. 

Susie, i am awed by you; all that you are.

I'm glad you're feeling better today Terri.

It was an official Pity party..

and a few There there's which I think always help..

Holding ya'll close and hoping that we can sit and giggle soon!

Sus'
Just wanna grab you in a big ol' huuuuug! It's not easy what you're grapplin' with . I just wanna make it go away so you don't have to hurt. But do you notice something? You're not side stepping this.
You're confronting it, calling it by name and walking straight through it. That's pretty huge in my book. Losses are
So so painful sometimes, and even when they're rough something good can come from them.

Gently wiping some of those tears away with some tissues, love ....

P.S.: this is totally off the wall, but are you able to do chair yoga or is that also off limits?

And now..... this Pity Oarty is officially over.  I am ready to go find that bus and get the new carburetor put on it so it can hit the road. I will still need some holding close regularly though.... just to keep me out of that whole pity deal. And I still need to hear There there from time to time. But in between those times...... my third favorite thing in the Universe is giggling and laughing..... and I think we can certainly find some good reasons to do that too.

 

lol! oh no......the first one's me......the second one's bob.....oh no.........

A Southern fairy tale is definitely us, and when we head up north, its coming with.