Gratitude notes for Dec. 27

I was just about finished with one of those long, rambling notes, thanking lots of folks for lots of stuff... and it was a good one, I think... and somehow everything... all of it just disappeared from the screen as I was brushing a Brodie ( my pug boy) hair off of my key board. I don't know where it went or why, but I'm gonna take it as a sign from my fellow sighers that I was getting to winded and rambly.... and I'm gonna just put it down and leave it at that. Just know that it involved all those parts and pieces of me, it involved Terri and it involved my friend, Sherri (not my boss, Sherrie). I am grateful to all of you for lots of good reasons.

But I hadn't finished and I had to more graditude notes that I wanted to hand out, so I'm gonna do it... and If they disappear before I finish....then I'll know for sure that this wasn't suppose to happen tonight.

Dear Hair, I was telling you that I love you and that I'm thankful you're there. I didn't get to the one part where I clarify that gratitude, cuz I'm not real pleased with the way you're starting to turn grey around my temples. It wouldn't be so bad, but the ones of you that are popping in on the top of my head....do you have to be so thick and narly looking? You're like ten normal hairs in one and you curl around in all kind of ill mannered directions. You kinda remind me of pubic hairs and that's just not right for the top of a head. Thanks anyhow for being there though, in all your unruly ways.

I thought seriously about offering up thanks for this one special bonus gift that I got for free with my tumor, it's kind of a neurological freebie gift of sorts.....really nice and enjoyable, but like those darn new greys on the top of my head, this gift can sometimes be unruly and annoying too...let's just call it special....yeah, we'll call her "special".....

And finally,

Dear May May,  thank you for going to the theater with me and hanging out afterwards and letting me show you my mountain, for conversing with the angels with me and sharing in that sense of peace and wonderment of life and and Sacred energy. I get goosebumps just thinking about it still. Thank you for the experience. I hope we can see more documentaries like that as often as we like. That was awesome.

And most paramount,  Thank you Universe for all of the above and more. I feel full and lifted and I am ready to sleep well tonight and I am so ready to look at my new day tomorrow and begin again.

Wednesday 12/28

Today I am grateful for carrots. Still growing in my garden next to the beets and kale. Carrots that I watched my daughter pick and eat dirt and all when she told me she was hungry.

Today I am grateful for the woodstove that keeps the house toasty as I make my great Grandmothers Challah . For the bread that rises and will be good with my pickle soup.

Grateful for the people who care enough to make sure that I am all right. Checking in to make sure that I am taking good care of myself. 

I am wonderstruck by the moon that was rising and the sharp shinned hawk that flew low over my head calling out in warning as I checked on my sleeping bees.

mostly I am grateful for another day to play with and live in and enjoy.

Offerings of gratitude for Dec. 28..

Thank you coworkers for letting me come back to work today to do what I could and nothing more.

Thank you Mental Health Court participants for rallying around Jacob today and providing just the right amount of caring and support without allowing him to place ownership of his use anywhere other than where it really lies. Thank you for helping him to recognize that special force inside him that has kept him clean and sober for eight months prior to this. Thank you for reminding him that noone expects perfection, but that we do expect honesty and ownership. Thank you for teaching me far more meaningful lessons about life and resliency, than I can hope to ever teach you all. You guys Rock!

Thank you self, Universe and May May for positioning me in the direction of forward. I love that position and directional movement.

Thank you Ter for the wonderful package of much treasured gifts/order. My boss is gonna be so happy. I'm not sure if anything can make my daughter happy these days, but I'm sure hopeful and confident that doing some grief work with Bridges is gonna be a start to some healing for her and myself.

Thank you State of Idaho for 23 years of employment as of yesterday. I sure love my job and the people I work with, but do realize that you are paying brand new hires a higher starting wage than you're paying comitted staff who have been there for forever. At least I have a job, a job I love and a regular paycheck. Thank you mentors who grabbed me up as a young woman and showed me how powerful and fulfilling it is to bring positive changes to individuals, families and communities.

Oh Ter, I just don't know what to say about that.....you are so giving and considerate.....My heart is so amazed and appreciative of your kindness.

OMG.....I wish I could scan the piece of paper that I was using as I was looking through all of your prints to try to narrow it down to the one that spoke most deeply to my heart....That was hard because soooo many of the quotes are so familiar and hold such deep relative meaning for me.... But the list I made and was prioritizing for the Holiday print choice......of the three that you sent.... all three were in my top 5 list.... How kindred is that?  I'm gonna get that list and scan it so you can see how amazing your choices were, compared to mine.....I've said it before though Ter.... seems you know me pretty darn well and that is sooo Sacred to me.  The only print on my top 5 list that I had ranked higher than what you sent....is      I Want.....which brings me to tears when I read it...... so awesome Ter.....Thank you so ver much.....

and the books!!.....OMG....was you thinking that if you keep busy reading, I won't have so much time to ramble to you guys? (kidding)......Oh how I am gonna be heaven with my books.  I love you for encouragement and caring....Man it has helped soooo much.....Thank you so much.. I am grateful.

That would definitely be the pick Ter....

I'm gonna be making frames this weekend.... so cool....so kindred.....so amazing

Today December 30th

I am grateful for the long and winding road.

The one that takes me on adventures

and brings me safely home.

Today I am grateful for words, the ones that work

and the ones that don't.

For those that let me struggle to articulate myself, no matter how many tries it takes.

For those that hear what i am trying to say, in those spaces in between.

Today I am grateful for the sun, and for my paints...

offerings of gratitude .... dec. 29 and 30

I am grateful that the Universe has provided us with the means and the people who help us build bridges and tear down walls....

I am grateful that I am finally learning to understand that everything in this great big Universe has a design and a purpose and that if we were born knowing all there is to know about that....we would never grow....we would never know to appreciate all the lessons we are given and that they are truly gifts...even when they don't feel like it.

I am grateful for the opportunity I have been given to experience "Learning the Soul".....thank you Terri for that and so much more....

I am grateful that we are never given more than we can handle and I am soooo thankful that there are souls out there who offer up so much love and compassion....

In honor of all that is peace on this planet......

 http://www.youtube.com/embed/Xk1CnlVJwro

I almost forgot........

I am truly grateful for gremlins......for one of them left a great big box of play doh on my desk....in every color under the sun.

That gremlin musta known that I love to play with play doh (and I like the smell of it too).

Thank you gremlin - whoever you are.

Notes of Gratitude For New Year's Eve - Dec.31  Starting a new year....

Dear Self,   Thank you for hanging in there with me and giving me the moments of growth and learning that will help carry me stronger to the future.

Dear Sorrow,    dear dear sorrow, thank you for the questions and the words.....for understanding and embracing the Supreme Silence.....for the spaces in between the words and the understandings...all of the spaces that allow connection and feeling... Thank you so much.

Dear assessor and property tax man....Thank you for lowering everyone's home value's so frigging much that we don't have to pay as much taxes this year, but I'd really rather have my value back, so I can sell this empty house and get out of dodge. You could at least raise the value back up to what I paid for it 15 years ago.....thanks..(ass wipes)

Dear Heart, Thank you for accepting my apology for calling people names....I suppose that I am just not emotionally mature enough to know that it isn't the tax man's fault and that everybody else in the country is in the same boat. I know that you are just grateful to have a roof over your head and a job, but I'm not just you and the rest of us have every right to act immaturely once in a while....so, I said it, I'm sorry.....now just let it go.

Dear David's friend - Devin, Thank you for understanding that I really don't mind sharing my home with all of you guys so that you have a place to celebrate New Years, in fact I enjoy having all of you around when you can be.... but thank you also for understanding that under no circumstances would I allow any of you to ignite fireworks inside my home. There are tons of good reasons that I have that rule; one of which is that they burn things.....What in the hell was you thinking dude?

Dear weekends, Thank you for the time to take a break and let my soul catch me up....I'm thinking that we ought to just take off for the Buckit, snowshoe our way in and have us a couple of days of silent wonder. Now we just gotta figure out how to drive there on winding roads when our head is constantly spinning.

Dear Tiburon,  Thank you for knowing that you are really stopped at the red lights. Just because your driver feels like she is moving forward even though you're stopped, you hold her steady until the stillness settles back in and you remind her to quit pushing the brake peddle so hard when its already to the floor. Thanks for keeping us safe. Now lets go to the mountain!

 Dear Universe,  I don't know how I can express enough the gratitude I feel as I reflect back on the past year. It's funny how life does a marvelous job of bringing circumstances to us now that support us in healing old wounds and preoaring us for our becoming the very best for the greater good of all and so we can be assured that we always gain by opening to the possibilities inherent in every single NOW moment. I am full, I am alive and I am love....Thank you so much for every bit of that

Offers of Gratitude - 1-1-12

Today I am grateful for the person who invented Xanax and I'm grateful for the Xanax itself (something I hate to admit), the properties of which disconnect the brain from the perception of one's body in space and allow them to work somewhat independently of the other. It got me to my mountain, so I'm a happy camper.

Today I am grateful for two legs that carry me, snowshoes that keep me on top of my path and enough energy and stamina to make the trek to my beloved mountain.

Today I am sooo grateful for clarity and the invitation of the Universe to find peace in my intentions, to release all attachments, to realize again my interconnectedness to all that is and to know my rightful place in the Universe.

Today I am grateful that I can heal my heart through love, compassion and forgiveness, and in doing so, restore a greater sense of harmony and balance in my life.

Today I am living in Gratitude for the abundance and grace that is my birthright.

Today I am grateful for the sun, patches of bare ground at my door, dry firewood, stones that sing of potatoes, clean air and Silence.

Notes of Gratitude January2

Dear Self,  Thank you for letting us sleep in and have naps today. Thanks for not even making me get out of my sweats all day long. That was pretty cool. Thank you fpr your love, acceptance and worthiness. You are always enough.

Dear neighbor lady down the street, Thank you for stopping by again today and allowing me to visit with you. Now that I know your name is Danielle, I'll be able to say "Hey Danielle!" when I see you out with your dogs. Thank you for being trusting and courageous and sharing your story with me today. I have lost friends to cancer before, but not a spouse. That has got to be really, really hard and I can understand your grief and lonliness, but staying drunk all of the time isn't going to help you; you need to take that grief and walk with it and hold it and then you need to let it go so you can open yourself back up to life and go back to work nursing or whatever you choose. Thank you for letting me tell you those things today and at least acting like you're listening. I think you was.

Dear Universe,  Thank you for dear friends and music. Thank you for our minds that create peace and happiness in whatever level of conscious dreaming we want to play in. Thanks for Thunderbird convertibles, warm summer days that allow us to keep the top down and the wind through our hair, for road trip buddies that share a common sacred, and for potty stops and doll shops. 

note of gratitude for way too early on Jan.3

Thank you for dreams - even if they don't seem to make much sense in this very moment, the Knowing of their meanings over time.....past, present and future, is comforting and reassuring.

For hair, and hawks, and hands and hang gliders or squirrel suits or whatever they're called...they are all beautiful Hs.

For bells and music that let you know when it's the right time to fly and when it's time to land.

For words and empty spaces that reassure your heart and soul that it's ok to fly if you feel the weather is right for it....and for holding............and holding..........and holding...........when the weather is right for that.

Thank you dreams......now go back to sleep and do it some more.

Notes of Gratitude for later Jan. 3

Dear Self,   Thank you for at least trying to do yoga today with the rest of the group. As long as we keep our expectations reasonably low, you can at least participate in meditation and savasana and that's  a whole lot better than nothing at all. So, thanks for giving in and giving it a shot.

Dear  Angela, Thank you for being there to help me decide that Yoga in classes just is not going to work anymore and thank you for offering to do one on one classes with me, but it's still not going to be  much different than doing the very limited sitting and laying postures that I can do at home by myself. Thanks so much for trying though and for understanding just how hard it is for me to put away this part of my life. I am grateful for all you have done for me as my yoga teacher all this time.  And I will be back one day.

Dear Tapping Team,   Thank you for being there at my beck and call as I work on all of this grief and forgiveness business. You are making a very difficult process so much easier to tolerate and walk through. This was one of the hardest days I've had and there you guys were....holding me up and flowing with the tapping. I am grateful to all of you.

Dear Sherrie,  Thank you for being there to cry with me when I got done with therapy. I know you understand because of your own loss and you were so kind to go into yoga and just lay there and Be with me so that I wouldn't be the only one laying through it.

Dear Dreams,  Thank you for bringing me wonder and peace. Your cooperation makes it so much easier.

Dear word maker and inbetween speaker, Your words are amazing and beautiful....like you.

Notes of Gratitude for January 4

Dear Universe,   Thank you for overflowing oceans, for butterflies and bees and for Sacred Silence. Thank you for allowing me the time and awareness to be ever mindful of each moment and all of the other moments that create a day and  to be able to breathe and feel. Thank you for smiles and laughter and the patience to help others understand that happiness is not something that you can purchase. Than you for the constant reminder that we will know LOVE when we choose to be LOVE and thank you for helping me to choose it .

Today January 5th I am grateful for Hope.

For the the blossoms in my heart that I hold onto and believe in when all things seem dark.

I am grateful for the few moments of quiet I cultivate every day.

I am overflowing with gratitude for the friends who let me kavetch when the world seems so out of balance, and I am at the end of my tether.

I am grateful for orders, that bring in money that helps pay the bills that are many.

I am grateful as always for the Love, the love that IS, and makes all the difference in the world, not only to me, but to those who love with there whole heart and hold onto the love for all the rest of us.

Thank you Universe for the ever unfolding lessons...

your slow but loving learner May-may

Offering Gratitude for Jan.5

Dear Mind,    Thank you for complete emptiness, when the clutter becomes too much...

Dear Heart,    Thank you for pumping blood throughout my body. That's your job...so you should stick to that and maybe keep your nose out of the rest of my business.....because sometimes I feel like you create a lot of clutter for me.

Dear Karma,    Thank you for keeping balance as best you can....It appears that you may have missed a few people several years ago (probably during a time when you were super busy), so I can send you a list if you'd like......

Dear Universe,  I would like to offer my thanks again for your seemingly overflowing oceans, your spectacular light shows, the LOVE that you are, the friends who cultivate and share IT and the opportunities that you provide daily to live IT and grow into IT. And the ability to hold IT and nurture IT even when it feels like It was just a dream.....

Dear Dreams,    I can not give you any thanks this day. You have always taught me to believe in you and follow you.  You appear to be this great thing that holds me up and brings me clarity and then you dissolve in thin air and find some distant place to hide. I'm so sorry, but you are beginning to represent only lies and illusions.

Note of gratitude for January 6

Dear BoneSighers,   Thank you for the road trip. This bus needs fuel..... and paint...

Notes of Gratitude for January 7 -

Dear Self,    Thank you for the trip to the Buckit - my most centering mountain of peace and stillness. Thank you for getting us there safely, thank you for taking the time to make it so worthwhile....let's try to make it an overnighter next weekend. I know I'm up for it if you are. We don't need much and you can pull a sled in just like you've done with the kids...Think about it Self and let me know, because we can do some amazing things while we're there if we have more time. Thank you for putting up with my pushy ideas....

Dear Dr. Judy,    I'd like to say how much I appreciate your wisdom and your great ideas for the witnessings. I will be working on allowing more of this to happen in my life and in doing so, I will be sharing and feeling and Knowing what these life stories really mean and finding some peace and reasoning for their existence. Thank you for providing some deeper meaning and validation as to my role in that and the bigger picture.....the whole story. Thank you also for journeying with me in this process of Forgiveness....Man, this is hard work, but it will be so worth it. I promise that I will start writing about it and working through it even when you're not there to help me. I can do this......

Dear Heart,  Thank you for pumping my blood and I'd like to apologize for getting cranky with you yesterday. I really do want you to stay real and alive and if you need to stick your nose in my business to do that.....I invite you in. You are important to me and sometimes I get caught up in my mind and push you out and I'm so sorry for doing that. Thank you for understanding.

Dear Mind,    Thank you for slowing back down and finding Now. Tomorrow is just not worth the stress and it is so unpredictable. Let's try harder to stay here......because really, Here is all we have.  Here is really all we Know.....Yeah, that's hard to hear, right? It's hard to say and write too, but it is real and it's what we have always tried to live for. You can visit and ponder for a time, your Knowing.....but please don't try to stay for very long. We need you Here and Now. In fact, let's sit down together twice as long every day for a while and get some balance back. Besides....we have got to practice for the  http://www.winterfeastforthesoul.com/index2.php?dest=book ....cause we're gonna do that for 40 minutes twice each day for 40 days. No more of this 15 to 30 minutes business.

Dear Lighter of Candles and hearts,   Thank you for real, for vulnerable, for patience.....You are no Super Hero, you just are and that's enough....Thank you for words, for friendship, for caring. It all means more than you can ever know. Thank you so much for real...... and thank you for bringing my attention back to those stops along my pathways - the ones that cause me stop and ponder their stickiness.....There really is a reason they're sticky and it's not just because of all the bees stirring as they make their honey.......No, there's work being done there, but it ain't no honey making going on.....it's more like hive building. Have you ever considered the enormous Labyrinth that is the hive? Of course you have..........I knew that. Thank you You.

Dear  Universe,   Thank you for a beautiful, sunny...albeit windy, day for a walk. The crispness of your air helps to bring the awakeness and attention needed to the very core of my being and that helps me focus and stay on the path. Thank you for the conversations with the elk and our hawk, they ground me and reassure me of the beauty and peace that you are. Thank you for three year olds and Hello Miss Kitty stickers......they made me smile so many times today;  but the ones on my hands are now stuck in my gloves, but that's ok....because now they'll be with me every time I slip on those gloves and those smiles will just keep coming. Isn't that something....the Wonder of how that all works? Thank you Universe. We're gonna figure this all out together and I know you'll have good days and bad days.....just like me. But then that's what makes it so much easier to appreciate the good....walking through the bad and leaving them where they belong. I'll try to keep my spiritual muscle in shape and you just keep giving me reasons to do that, so thanks.............

Notes of Gratitude for January 8

Dear Self,   I just don't know what to say to you self....today has been a day and we can't do to many more like them. We are gonna need to figure out how to get your arms strengthened some or you're going to end up killing yourself with that splitting maul. The last thing you needed right now was stitches in your leg. You have got to stay as strong and healthy as you can for as long as you can. Seems like your muscles are getting weaker and shakier all the time, so lets at least start using your strengthening ropes again every day. If they decide that we can't work at all, I guess we'll have plenty of time for that kind of stuff. I'd like to say thanks to you Self, but I just can't muster it today. You're still beautiful and vibrant and I do love you, but no more days like today.

Dear C,   Thanks for bringing over some dinner to me tonight. You are so thoughtful and kind....but damn dude.....I can't handle you crying when I'm trying to stay positive. I know it's hard to watch someone hurting, but it's just stitches and it'll heal. There's bigger things to cry together for and I don't mind doing that with you at all, we've done it before...so don't try to tell me that I'm not being real or that I'm burying my head to avoid reality. I'm living this reality every day. Thank you for being a good friend and caring. I'll try to be more understanding of your needs and feelings and maybe you can do the same for me. You said you will.....so please keep your word.

Dear Colleen and Melissa,  Thank you guys so much for coming over later rather than earlier.  We shared some good memories and did some real good soul learning tonight. I knew you guys would feel a bit better for having done this and I know it was really scary for you Lissa, but you humored me and now you're really glad you did. Thank you for agreeing to do this with me every Sunday. This is going to help us all bring more closure and then I think it will be easier for me to do some forgiving that needs to be done. Thank you both for sharing.....the good memories and the hard ones...all of them are special. I especially liked the discussion about our last conversations and what we'd like to have said that we didn't. That was some very healing stuff we did tonight.....

Dear Heart,  Glad to have you back and Thanks for not going to far.

Dear Grandpa Tree,  I forgot to thank you yesterday for welcoming me and hugging me just as big and hard as I hugged you. Thank you so very much for sharing your time and your thoughts and your energy. I think that goes further for my health than any medicine can...I'll see you again next weekend ....you just keep watching over the Buckit for me and make sure she and all of her inhabitants stay safe.

Dear Universe,   I am forever grateful for you and your Silence Supreme when you Know that my head needs it. Thank you for helping me to find the release from urgency that I had not been able to grasp on my own. Thanks for bringing the present into the empty spaces that had felt like they needed to be filled before. I realize that you are going to do whatever you need to do as per the Greater plan and all of my busyness is not going to help me accomplish anything more than living fully in each moment can. I am also grateful for the awesome sunset you put out there tonight. You are an amazing artist....placing those clouds just so with the bright sun peeking above and bright orange, red and pinks floating gently along the horizon. You've been doing some beautiful work here pretty consistently, but I'm told that we need to get some snow down here so that we can have some runoff this Spring. Our Bogus skiers are pretty bummed, they can't even make the stuff without your cooperation and that big old mountain is thirsty. Could you maybe see about putting some snow down...at least in the mountains. You can leave the valley bare and dry....that'll be all. Thanks  :-)

            We are not the islands we sometimes think we are.  If we step beyond our Self and elevate our attention to a greater perspective, we immediately become conscious of how much we have to be thankful for. A thankful attitude connects us with the Universe and allows us to be aware of the infinite gifts that life presents us.  Please make a point today to show gratitude to someone who enriches your life.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
~ Melody Beattie

January 9

Today I am grateful for butterflies who Know where the flow shall take them and will fight their way out of pockets, against the wind and through otherwise well intentioned attempts to change their directions....For butterflies who bring peace and Universal balance as their gifts to those who might think they have any net large enough to shift the natural and determined course of becoming.

Today I am grateful for the moon and the multiplicity of characters that she brings to life in her mountains and valleys..... For the brightness that she paints upon the earth where shadows don't lie and for the energies of healing and protection that her presence ushers in. Thank you Moon for letting me bounce my love right up to your chin and back down to earth to land gently in the heart of one who might be feeling it.

Today I am in gratitude at the Wonder of Life; that magic can and does happen even when we're forgetting of trust and belief...... That folks who fight that magic Knowing sometimes turn their hearts and minds around and realize that there doesn't always have to be any logical explanation for  the beauty of Wonder and that there is  a difference between illusion and phantasm......neither of which are any more real than you choose to believe it to be..... for the mind can make magic and magic can make changes.

January 10 Notes of Gratitude

Dear Self,   SHAKTI girl....look at you doin the tree!! At least your left side can find balance again. That's gotta make you feel very good..... Yes Self, it does!! Thank you very much..... ~looking in the mirror, brushing back the hair with each hand, saying "I love You Self."~

Dear Heart,  Don't you just love the feeling you get when you arrive home from work and find a package full of magic? Thank you for responding with acceptance and encouragement.

Dear Terrie,   This kindred is special.....it is Sacred to me....and I want to thank you for validating that for me once again.  Thank you for Hard Times....the big green tree with stars overhead, the Knowing of the walking, resting and crying and for the Love. That kindred resonates deeply......Thank you for the UnderCurrents.....for the spring of Hope and  the river of Strength, Compassion and Faith. That kindred does touch my soul and renews every desire. And all that I Want....Thank you so much... the list is long, but completely do-able.... in fact, I've been working my way through it and realizing that I actually have some of those things in my life already....these things that bring one to never forget what a gift this life is.  You know exactly how to pick them... and I am grateful for you and this Sacred.

Dear Sherrie, Thank you for talking me in to trying yoga one more time today. I would probably not have tried any of the standing postures at home. Sometimes I guess I need to feel a little push from behind to get me out of the ruts... If I hadn't been in a group, I likely wouldn't have strived hard enough to know I could use my left side for balance again. That makes me want to work even harder.

Dear Universe,    Thank you for the snow today!! I knew that you was listening to me. Our mountains thank you also. It was pretty and it was needed......so, I hate to sound ungrateful.... but maybe you could put down enough to stick tomorrow? Thank you for the beautiful sunrises and sunsets you have been bestowing on my drives. You are so gorgeous when I am able to be mindful of your  gifts. Thank you for friends, for energy, for connections, for Knowing and for magic.

January 11 Notes of Gratitude ~

:bz     Today I am grateful for waking up feeling better than I have for a long time. I'm thinking I feel a reversal of illness starting to quake in my bones. And I'm thinking that these notes of gratitude are part of the cure.

I'm grateful to strangers who share awkward spaces and smiles. When you think you've got it bad....go sit in the waiting area of your local cancer treatment center for an hour or two. It has a way of changing your perspective. Thank you strangers for your kindness, your silence as well as your words and thank you for helping me shift things up a notch. I am sending you prayers, restorative healing and compassion.

Today I am grateful for great, thunderous bells that chant the Universal chorus of peace and goodwill. And I am thankful for the extra minutes I have been finding each morning to practice empty sitting for 40 minutes...... the extra few don't really seem any longer, cuz once you're gone.... you just are....

Thank you for friends who know when your tides rise and whisper gently to "steady".... that kind of Knowing and calming is Sacred and I need all the help I can get to stay on course...

And I'm grateful for perspective..... the mindful perspective that brings a sense of appreciation and prioritization.... We think we Know what is most important in our lives and we keep ourselves busy doing and doing to attain all of those things and activities and achievements that are so important......and then the Universe shifts, knocks you off kilter and reminds you that you are wasting many precious moments doing and busying about with trivial matters.... while the ones (the relationships) that you've thought would be there waiting for you when you are done being busy, the people you've taken for granted..... are gone.....they grew up, they moved, they changed, they died, they found different paths while you stayed firmly planted in your doing.....you wake up and find out that you've lost the moon while you were looking at the stars.... that changes your perspective too.

Notes of Gratitude for January 12

Dear Self,  Thank you for being patient with radiology techs who sometimes get in a hurry shuffling people around and forget that we are people, just like them....Thank you for spinning your ring in your mind, since it was in your locker.....before saying anything that would have made busy, frustrated people even more frustrated. Thank you for taking the time to find something positive to say to them that will hopefully cause them to stop and think before they treat their next patient the same way. Good job Self....small steps = big changes that ripple as they grow.

Dear Neighbor Lady from down the street,  Sorry, I forgot your name already.....Thank you for noticing my car parked in front of my house most of the day. You've got to be kidding.....you really thought that if I was home from work, that must mean I'm starting the weekend early and, so, you thought you'd come over and get started with me. First off.....I'm home during the day quite a bit lately - doesn't mean I'm starting the weekend on Monday or Thursday or any other weekday....I don't even like weekends anymore. Secondly....I really don't drink or party on weekends.....really.....no, really.....and no, I'm not going to give you the last of my aged Patron, I'm not going to give you money to go buy any alcohol either.... and I don't know the guy across the street to go ask him if he has any beer. You have a problem Neighbor Lady and you seriously need to consider getting in to some treatment before your problem kills you or somebody else..But thanks again for stopping by....you are fun, but you are depressing at the same time.Like I said earlier.....I say things  to you because I do care about you.

Dear Self,   Forgot to tell you Thank you for finding a carpetted spot to decide to bend over to tie your shoe lace.....that coulda hurt if it had been concrete or other harder landing. Thank you for remembering that this is bound to happen when you bend over like that....next time though we need to try to remember before you actually do it.

Dear Ter,   Thank you for reading my "ramblings" every day and playing along with the whole road trip scenario. It touches my heart that you care enough to do that for me. I treasure this connection and your words of encouragement....you are a really good sport and the best kind of friend a person could have. I love you for that....it means so much.

Dear Pepsi,    You have been pretty much a constant companion over the past 40 plus years and I have loved you like a friend that whole time......thanks for being there, quenching my thirst, cooling me down, feeding my caffeine addiction, and just plain tasting so good.....they say that I'm gonna have to cut way back on you because radiation is not good for your teeth and we already know Pepsi isn't either.....but when you figure that in with throwing up.......which eats the enamel off of your teeth, well.....I have to agree with the professionals on this one. So thank you for being there.....you are just so special that I'm gonna save you for special occasions.

Dear Melissa,    Thank you for driving me to the imaging center, waiting for me, and driving me back home. I seriously cannot believe that 3 xanax didn't completely stop my tremors, but what do I know?  I'll just have to be completely sedated for this one to work out and I'll be asking you to do it again then. Thank you sweetie!

Dear Universe,     Thank you for every bit of predictability and consistency you can put out there for me. I'm forgetful at best on a good day and I appreciate you not throwing me any curve balls lately. That is really helpful and comforting.   Thank you for your openess during my vipassana sessions..... thank you for allowing me to sit in Silence Supreme each morning and night so that I can become empty of clutter and so that I can be open to each moment of experience with acceptance, kindness and nonjudgemental awareness. This has been one of my grounding salvations in, what seems to sometimes be, a sea of chaos and clutter. Thank you for the beautiful images that find their way into my world after the rest has emptied out....the oceans so full of love that they overflow into the horizon and become one with the skies, the moon in all of it's splendor and brightness, the outlines of my mountain from my small valley perch, and the bigger universal mountains whose forms are reflected off the surface of the moon.....the mountains where the bells ring and your universal peace is echoed from the tallest peaks on earth. Thank you for all of that Universe. Peace and love.....your faithful dreamer and princess of shakti.  (Yeah....I held that tree pose for 4 minutes today!)

January 13 Gratitude notes

Today I am grateful for an alarm clock that has a pleasant cheery tone, my cushy yoga mat, my cushy butt cheeks, candles, emptiness, words, music, juicy oranges and english muffins, music, kind words from friends, hot showers, soft towels, kisses from my grandson, music, my garage / not having to scrape my windshield, leaving home after rush hour traffic, still seeing the moon at 9 in the morning, more music, a car that gets me where I'm going, xanax, no waiting for drs, my tapping team's support, visuals of bus rides and back pockets and jacket pockets, butterflies and bees, positive thinking, smiles, thoughts of bubbles and friends, my job and the people I work with and for, the way the trees always have curious things to say about the earth, quiet rooms, emptiness, openings, awareness, discoveries, slow days at work with no crisis calls, time spent communicating with awesome, insightful people, lunch time walks, fresh air and blue skies, breezes that blow in messages of hope, less vertigo than the day before and the day before that, music, more visuals, being held up again by the awesome tapping team, the way the Universe brings color to the setting of the sun, leaving the city to go home before rush hour hits, outlines of trees at the top of the mountain horizons, dinner fixed by someone else :D, welcome home kisses from my puppies,  full bellies, evening walks, mindfulness, thoughts of my mountain and walking tomorrow, feet that can walk slowly or quickly, eyes that can see clearly, kind words from friends, music, more smiles, time with my daughter and grandkids,  a safe and encouraging place to empty words and thoughts, a note from my Soul Friend, an excellent book to read, orange dreamsicles, not too much time before bed, my yoga mat, left sided balance improvements, my cushy butt cheeks, emptiness, openings, new insights, music, more thoughts of bubbles, belief in something much bigger and more powerful than myself, belief in dreams of Universal Peace and great bells and........ a nice soft bed.....

January 14 ~ Notes of Gratitude and fondness....

Dear Self,    You are one terrific human being when you set your mind to it..... Thank you for being open to new experiences and opportunities for learning. There is soooo much more we can take in out there, sooo much more to do and feel. So let's put as much energy into being open as we put into being empty, because they really do go hand in hand. And thank you for maintaining some semblance of control this morning during your anger/rage session. It seems really hard to believe that you actually lit that match and started that fire and it seems even harder to believe that you lit another match to light a candle for the one person you have held the most hatred for all of these years. It will be nice to see the wind carry those ashes and spread them about the Earth.... Come on wind.... I don't want to look at that pile of ashes anymore.....

Dear Heart,   You took a hard one today and you gave it a good fight.....but don't you feel so much lighter having that weight off of your chest and stomach? You live in a stubborn, thick headed person.... and you learned today that your holding on to unhealthy and selfish beliefs is not as strong as the need to have you let go and release. You can still be stubborn, but please.....always remember how Sacred  this freedom feels and how Sacred it feels to light hundreds of candles from the one that use to represent your prison. Thank you for allowing us to look over the edge, to step beyond the edge and to jump and release. Thank you for the feelings of acceptance, forgiveness, freedom and empowerment.

Dear David,  Thank you for calling your mom to check in and letting her know that you're still her boy and wanting that connection. I was gonna call you if I didn't hear from you by tomorrow evening, so you made my day. I love you son......thank you for being a caring and compassionate young man and knowing when your mom is needing your voice and your words.

Dear lady at the Moxie Java,    Thank you for double punching my card.... Did I really say to make it an octo shot mocha? Yeah, I know I did, but you made it sound so tempting.....Oh boy..... don't let me do that again please.... I can't deal with that much energy. I shoulda got three punches for that much caffeine. Whoa!!!! Damn!!! My heart hasn't pounded that hard since I rode my bike uphill to Bogus many years ago... Whoa!! What a rush...... 

Dear Tapping Team,   Thank you so, so much for being there with me today and helping me light that match and start that fire. We were kind of like the Ya Ya Sisters standing in our circle around the big fire, holding hands and watching all that crap turn into ashes. I could never have done that without you guys, especially you May May.....showing me how to be angry for real, all the way to my bones..... showing me how to throw all that negativity on those flames and naming it with loud yells.....all of it ......every ugly F#%@ing bit of it. (You didn't say that Terri and Sherrie......Me and May May did) and thank you Ter for showing me the other side and squezzing my hand when it came time to let go and jump...... I don't know what to say to express my gratitude to all of you for helping me with this so much....Thank you....

Dear Ms. Hawk,    I was watching you up there watching me..... You are beautiful and Sacred. Thank you for letting me know that this Universe is safe and full of Wonder. I knew that already, but it sure is nice of you to give me little reminders...... and big reminders too.....like when you and your partner come back to this great tree to nest and raise your babies this Spring. Now that is Sacred Wonder extraordinaire!! And I can't wait to be part of it from way down here on the ground. Thank you Ms. Hawk..... you're awesome.

Dear Grandpa Tree,    Thank you for another great talk and lesson for the Soul. You have so many wonderful stories to tell and I love to sit and listen and learn from your wisdom and Knowing.

Dear Buckit,     Thank you for being there, for being safe, for being comforting, still, quiet and peaceful. Thank you for giving me a haven to hear Supreme Silence like it can not be heard from anywhere else...... Thank you for welcoming me and all of the critters of the forest to come and be part of you. You are Peace for my Soul.....

Dear May May,   Thank you so much for doing this Winter Feast for the Soul. Your loving energy is going to give us all something to aspire to......and I can't wait to feel you putting it out there. We really are able to do big things when we all come together and this Universe deserves this of us. We are going to let Mother Earth know just how grateful her children are for her gifts of beauty and she will rejoice even more vibrantly than we will. Thank you May May. And thank you Terri, Melissa and Sherrie and everybody else who has listened to me rant about this for weeks and thank you very, very much should you be there with us in silence and emptiness in the morning. I love you all so much and so does Our Mother.

Dear Universe,      Are you ready to feel the highest level of vibration and energy that you have felt since last year at this time? There will be human beings from every part of your vast horizons coming together in the morning to celebrate You and to usher in Peace and Love and Consciousness. Can you already feel the energy starting to build? I bet you're sensing something really big and powerful about to rock you sideways...... I have committed to being there for you for at least 80 minutes of meditation and Spiritual Awakening each day for the next forty days and for at least one random act of Kindness each day also. I will not break my committment unless something happens that is completely out of my control, cuz I love you that much...... May May is gonna do this with us and I'm hoping that Ter and lots of other friends will too. Melissa is gonna come over and do 40 minutes with me several evenings and I'm still hoping that Colleen will join us. There's lots of people getting behind you on this and it is going to be AMAZING!! Thank you for bringing us all together and reminding us of the biggest hope for humankind and letting us try to make that happen.  

Gratitude notes for January 15 ~

Today I am grateful for my dear friend Varick, who taught me how to meditate so many years ago. Varick taught me tons of stuff because he was a liitle bit older and a whole lot wiser than I. This morning as I sat in emptiness, I felt him sitting right next to just like we use to do every night at 9:45, just before he got off shift and almost two hours into my shift. Thank you Varick for Seeing that I needed this practice in my life and helping me to make it a regular and deeply meaningful part of my existence. I still smudge in your honor every Sunday and I feel your presense  every day. Tomorrow is MLK day...... your most favorite holiday of the year. I'm kind of happy that you haven't been here to see how we continue to treat our Universe and the special souls that occupy her. But I miss you and I think you'd be pleased with a lot of the things we are doing to always try to improve the balance and make life's bounty a more equitable reality. You and Martin up there having some deep and meaningful conversations? I can just see all 6'8" of your being kneeling and bowing and worshipping your hero. (I know you don't have that tall body anymore, but that's the way I see you). We are debating in the legislature again this year to get Idaho to add the words to our laws that will provide equality to all people. We're putting post it notes all over their windows and doors from people all over the state who believe in this cause. They just keep tearing them down and we just keep putting them back up. You would be very proud of Nick, Varick..... he has grown in  to a beautiful young man who stands up for the under dogs, just like you use to do. Thank you for instilling those wonderous values in him and sharing them with me and so many other people. You know how they say that just one person can make a big change?  They are so right. Every year when we do your memorial run, we raise enough money to send a person to college for at least one year. That is making a huge change Varick.... very huge for somebody who couldn't have gone otherwise, but who will now go on and do big things in the Social Work program and carry on our work in your honor. That's huge....

I am grateful for "learning the soul" with Colleen, Melissa and Shelly. It's amazing how sharing hurts and walking through them walks you right in to sharing joys and brings them back to the top of your heart and your memory bank. And it's amazing how much more meaningful those memories are when they're not clouded with anger and resentment. So nice to be there for Shelly coming from a place of love and healing and authentic forgiveness for others as I know now she has wanted. She never wanted me to carry anything negative and especially not under the auspices of doing it on her behalf. Thank you guys for letting me share my release of that with you, so that you would understand why I wanted us to light all those candles. Thank you for completely understanding why I had to let this defensive anger go and why I think that it's important that both of you do the same as soon as you feel ready to. I think that you stepped way closer to that place tonight and that makes my heart so happy. I am grateful to both of you and to you too Shelly for helping us out with this and sharing the evening in peace and love that is real and untarnished.

Today I'm also thankful for old friends who look you up after 16 years. I'm thankful for their being alive, for their caring, for their hugs and for their time. Now that we know where each other lives and how to keep contact, I hope to see and hear from you often. Let's stay in touch Dianna and let's try hard not to get so busy with our lives that we forget important friendships. Thank you for being my mentor and talking me in to going to college all those years ago. Between you and Dr. Oliver, you two pushed me harder than anyone ever has and I appreciate that and respect you for it. Thank you so much for your encouragement, your spirited discourse on occasion and your soulful teaching.

As always, I am very grateful for my Soul Friend and I hope she's doing wonderful things and feeling my appreciation and love. Thank you for sitting with me and sharing you.

I'm thankful for oceans, for forests, for mountains, for breezes, squirrels who keep my boys in the back running and playing, for moments of clarity and for being alive.

Today I am most thankful to the Universe and the Loving energy that she exudes. We had a world wide Universal Love fest this morning and my soul has felt the peace and beauty of that all day long. Thank you Universe. 

http://youtu.be/oQGEKyZI4GQ

Had to try doing that again.... I guess I need a lesson from somebody.

notes of thanks for January 18 ~

Today I am thankful for life and the Wonders of the Universe.

I'm thankful for freedom and space and my simple little house that reflects who I am.

I'm thankful for my bed and my pillows that smell like Tide instead of bleach and float me to the journeys of flying, walking and hiking the Universe and the mysteries she holds.

I'm thankful for friends who must read my ramblings and notice when they're missing. And I'm extremely thankful for the fact that this noticing reflects caring and compassion. I'm thankful for the lending of light and brightness  by these friends.....that shows me the way back to myself, my well being, my belonging and connections and my place in their hearts.

And today I am thankful for another day to learn and grow and experience and live.... and I am grateful for emptiness that will prepare my path to the adventurous Knowing of dreams, so that I can wake up tomorrow and do it all over again.

Notes of Gratitude ~ January 19

Sometimes I complain to myself and others about having too much alone time....too much time to be in my head. And any time I do this with someone else, the other person inevitably points out that I am the fortunate one; what they wouldn't give to have too much time to themselves. What they wouldn't do for their loved ones in return for just one evening where they could meditate without interruptions, take a long hot bath with candles and music and no interruptions.

So.... as I think about that, I could focus on and feed feelings of loneliness. But I can also be grateful for the control I have over my environment and how easy it is to meditate and have silence whenever I want it. (Ask anyone with a big family about how precious that is!) I can complain about having too much "down time".... but if I had to give all that up in return for the day to day company of others that doesn't take a day or even an hour away and aren't capable of taking care of themselves...... I'll take my Silence Supreme. But..... if I could have a bit of both that would be perfect.  For tonight, though...... I am thankful for the time and space that I need to take care of my spirit and the absence of all. Tomorrow, as the sun is in the sky..... I will be wishing I had kids around and activity and voices filling the empty spaces.

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to witness the eyes coming open and the lights coming on for a young man that I work with who has struggled for months in identifying any form of a higher power in his otherwise powerless life. Those moments make any frustrations and discouraging days so worth it for both of us. Jacob has had his moment of learning now that has the potential to carry him into years of sobriety. I am so thankful for these moments and gifts of spiritual awakening. What a gift!!

Today I am grateful for the insanely abundant beauty in nature and the opportunity to participate in it's unfolding. Especially the birds who hold tremendous intention in their business of finding seeds and berries that have dropped from branches and their musical conversations as they freely share their secret stashes with some and fiercely chase off others. I'm going to assume that they know exactly why some of their friends are deserving of this sharing and others just plain aren't.

Today I am thankful that the rain let up long enough for me to walk without getting soaked. I'm thankful for my duckie umbrella that draws smiles from passerbys and neighbors. My head and body truly appreciate the chance to get out and stretch the legs and the mind.

Today I am grateful for my mind..... that it is inquisitive and aware...... that is easily amused and delighted by the simplest of Wonders that are ever present and abundant when I take the time to be present and mindful of my surroundings.

And today I am so thankful that I have a place to put these words, so that I can make room for more. Thank you Ter.

Gratitude Notes for January 20

Dear Dr. Gamboa,   Thank you for being the kindest and most gentle doctor anybody could ever hope to have. Thank you for always listening with an open mind and compassion and not forcing me into decisions that I can't agree with. You give me hope....you give me options.... you give me respect...... and I appreciate all that so much.

Dear C,   Thank you for peace of mind and piece of mind. It all vaporizes nicely and then you can't even tell it was there. What an idea you had..... you smarty pants. Thank you dude! You are so creative and thoughtful. And thanks for meeting me half way.... Now get off my train ho....

Dear Heart and Soul,  Thank you for almost always finding meaningful, yet sneaky ways to drop these random acts of kindness without leaving any tracks uncovered. You're pretty thoughtful too... and isn't that a cool feeling you get when your recipient finds their gift and has no idea who to thank? Thanks for the ideas and the feelings.

Dear Angela and Sherrie,   Thank you for connections, courage and compassion. We're going to do great teaching this class and continuing on in our own shame work. I appreciate your openness and your trust in me. That means a lot.

Dear Jess,   Happy Birthday and thanks for choosing Goodwood for your birthday lunch. I was craving bbq earlier today and there you go and text me that we're meeting there for lunch. How awesome is that? A whole lotta awesome I'd say!! Thanks Jess!

Dear Anam Cara,    Thank you for the bubbles in every shape and size, but thanks especially for the gigantic ones that are illuminated with every color under the rainbow and have such tough orbit walls that they don't pop when I catch them. They are so fun to watch when the rest of the world seems so black and white. Please keep sending them.... they brighten my world and make it slippery slidy for running real fast and then dropping to my knees. I hope you're catching the ones that I'm blowing your direction..... Some of them are big enough to sit inside of and go floating through the Universe in with a fantastic view of all the tiny beings and mountains and oceans below.

Dear Universe,     Today you have shown me peace and beauty in abundance and I am grateful for your doing so. Thank you for the snow in the mountains and the rain in the valley. Just the way I like it. My mountain is loving it and I'm hoping that you can make the huckleberries plentiful this year, so try not to put it down all at once.... you need to save some and spread it out a bit for later. Thank you for the fire orange sunset this evening with the bright rays of sun light streaking from behind the clouds to the West. That was so awesome. Thank you for keeping my firewood dry last night when you sent your winds in sideways. You did that just right and you're amazing and really careful. Thank you for emptiness and awareness every morning and every night, for music that makes me sing in my car and where ever else I might be.... and thanks for the music of your vibrations that send me healing and humility. Thank you for cleaning the air with your showers and making it smell so fresh and wonderful. Thank you for the lighting of candles and the energies that carry the power of Peace and Love throughout your lands. And thank you for the open arms that reach out to those who can't quite reach you.

Gratitude for another day~!

for the synchronicity of life.

For the people who love me, even when I am tired and grumpy from a sore back. Grateful for the rain, that sings, for Giant bubbles that make me think of worlds...

Grateful for the mystery

for the learning 

grateful for the moments that make me smile all the way thru....

Notes of Gratitude and Appreciation ~ January 21

Today I am grateful for the teachings of Tonglen, as taught to me by a very dear friend years ago. After getting the book that was given to me back off the shelf and refreshing my head on the practice, I sat down and dissolved my armor......I began my taking and sending. I  embraced my life experiences with more openness, compassion, inclusiveness, and understanding,
rather than denial, aversion, and resistance. And I breathed in the pains and hurts of the Universe and I breathed out compassion..... and what a way to take the focus off of our own petty situations...... when you really walk through the pain and sufferings of a Universe in crisis. What a feeling of peace when you realize that you've done something to help.... Thank you Universe for bringing compassion and selflessness to the forefront.

When you help someone who is lost and confused;

When you hold someone who is sad and grieving;

When you hug someone who is unhappy and hopeless;

You too will feel healed and whole.

 >:D<

Today I am also grateful for my son, who decided to come see his mother while he had some free time. We spent the afternoon and evening just being with each other and enjoying the view without any distractions and it was wonderful. I sure do love that boy. He is wise beyond his eighteen years, yet able to admit that he still has needs to be a son who has a mother who can always try to make things better when he has difficulties in growing into adulthood. Thank you David for letting me be that person, because I still have the need to mother my boy too.

Gratitude notes ~ January 22

Today I am thankful for the emptiness that brings my journeys to a place of meaning which helps me to make sense of some of those oddities..... the ones that are always making me wonder whether I am an oddity myself or if I am simply blessed with the gifts that would make my Knowing as real as my realities of the life I walk on earth. A little validation goes a long ways.

Today I am thankful for connections.... the ones that can come back from 16 years of being apart and feel as though they never missed a beat. Those connections are pretty darn Kindred and their understandings are truly based on compassion and openness. Funny how some things can change so much yet never change at all.

Today I am thankful for increased balance and agility. For walks that create an empty space to catch all of the pieces of illness that fall behind...... to lie in the path for others to smash in to the ground so that they might never be able to return to their host again. So, I am thankful also to those other pedestrians who unknowingly walk upon and smoosh the hurtful and disruptive little bits of ugliness that steal the lives of way too many people.

Today I am thankful for colored glass chards, beads, driftwood, quartz crystals, brilliant sunbeams and patience, for they make rainbow reflections dance in the breeze and add beauty to an otherwise black and white world.

Today I am thankful that perhaps two little girls with flower chains in their hair got to sit next to a wise papa who shared stories that would forever influence their Seeing the Universe and cause them to giggle in spellbound delight..... as if anything else would ever matter because they now knew the only truths that ever would. I am thankful for Universal journeys to the farthest reaches of the horizons..... the same horizons that hold back oceans from overflowing into the skies that carry them in their bubbles and transport them to worlds untraveled by most beings who have restricted flight privileges. I am also grateful for the bubbles who carry their travelers in the finest, ecological and safest mode known to modern man.

Today I am most thankful for my Anam Cara who takes the time to listen and already understands before the words even come out..... who Knows the heart and the soul as no other before and encourages the following of that heart and soul. The Sacred Knowing that precedes the words and the thoughts and the feelings is beyond explanation, but it doesn't require any either..... so how beautiful is that?

As always, I am grateful beyond words for Terri who provides this space for words and learning and encouragement and smiles that brighten my world in so many ways. <3^:)^

And I am thankful to the Universe that allows all of this Magic to happen day after day and gives and provides way beyond that which it receives.

Gratitude Notes for January 23

Dear Self,   You are done and you rock!! You stuck with this and now you're more radiant than ever. You didn't want to do it...... but you did.....and now look at you ~ all cancer free and all!! You wanted to argue with your doctors and try to convince them to just let you live out your last days without being sick. It wasn't that bad and now you're set. So, thank you Self. I love you bigger than infinity and aren't you glad you stuck around?

Dear Shelly, Melissa and Colleen,   I forgot to thank you yesterday for our session on Learning the Soul and that is really important to me.... so I don't know how that slipped by me. But thank you again for another chance to share our grief and heal our souls. Our pictures are outstanding and our memory book is going to be so amazingingly beautiful. I think we had more smiles and laughter this time and I think that means we're definitely finding the joyful memories  rather than having resentment cloud them over. Thank you guys. I love you all so much...... <3

Dear Terri,    Thank you for the radiant hugs, for holding my hand while I'm laying in my cage, for sending love and hope, for listening to my ramblings for being way too giving with your stickers, for helping me really understand for the first time that grief and darkness can melt into love, connection and courage, to see real joy surfacing, to see love as the new qualifier for what is important, authentic and true and for the kind of openness that makes space for reconciliation, healing and hope.

Dear Dr. Freeman, Dr. Green and Dr. Gamboa,  Thank you all so much for gentle nudging, allowing discourse and lots of questions and working as a team so that I don't have to fill each of you in on what the others are doing. You will all find out Wednesday that my optimism and my alternative healing practices really are based on evidence that has been tried and true, just like I did in 1998. I won't make any of you eat crow because it tastes nasty.... kinda like radiation. You guys have been great and I'd like to acknowledge each of your tremendous abundance of skills and knowledge.

Dear School bus,   You have been a wonder. In fact, we wonder a lot about you. We wonder how you keep starting and running, we wonder how you attract so many seagulls, we wonder how we're gonna afford to fill you up with gas so that we can move down the road, we wonder how you went from the wrecking yard to the Bone Sigh Highway..... we wonder about lots of things..... like.....

What happens when you
ask for what you wish for?


What happens when you dare to say yes to what you thought could never be yours?


What happens when you dare to dream a dream that is bigger than you can hold?


What happens when you listen for something deeper that you need to know?

But enough wondering..... Thank you School bus for being the transporter of souls and hearts and dreams.

Dear Bus Cleaner guy,   Thank you so much for bringing your spray and your paper towels and your elbow grease. You are The Man!! I really, really appreciate you being willing to clean all the nasty stuff I forgot or couldn't reach or hid. You are so brave and thoughtful to even offer and that means alot in my book.

Dear Universe,      Thank you for listening to stories
whispered over camp fires, late into the star-filled night and helping us realize that
everything we thought qualified us for a peaceful, easy life couldn’t hold a
candle to the wisdom of a life lived on the edges of hope, faith and love in a School bus.

~O)    ~O)     ~O)      ~O)     ~O)      ~O)     ~O)

Humble and Grateful Notes ~ January 24

Dear dear Arundhati,    Thank you for making my Universe part of your Universe. I have loved our journeys and our Sacred Knowing. I have loved our sharing and teaching and learning and holding. I have grown tremendously in my Knowing because of you and your words, including every single bit of space in between the words. I have loved your smiles and your growls and mostly your love. Your hugs have held me up, your whispers have steadied my ship, your still emptiness has brought me peace, compassion and tons of gratitude. You are a Goddess extraordinaire and I worship you, I love you and admire you and I yearn to be half the being that you are. I have trusted you with details that no other being has witnessed in totality and I have done this because you already Knew all there is to Know and you have always Known what I have needed to hear, to learn and to Know. Words can never express the gratitude and love I have for you.

Thank you so very much for all you do and say and all that you don't need to do or say. You are the brightest candle that this Universe has ever had the privilege of lighting. 

Dear Ter,    Do you see how you have me blushing? #-oWow.... you're making my eyes all teary..... Thank you so much for letting the Universe know that you are thankful for me!! That was the nicest thought for you to put out there. Makes me even more gracious for Knowing you and being part of this beautiful group that you've brought together here and I couldn't have been much more gracious already..... and it makes me feel so happy, whole and full. Thank you for your recognition and thank you for you.

Dear Universe,     Thank you for not outing me on that Pepsi deal ..... but I feel kinda guilty now, so I have to admit this. It was my Pepsi that got sprayed all over the bus..... I was trying out an experiment that somebody told me about where you drop a Spree candy into your bottle of pop. I am really sorry for not owning it sooner and I'm so sorry for letting Ter take the fall for it. I will clean it all up and can we just not say anything to Ter about it..... maybe just keep it between you and I? And if there's anything else I can do to make it up to You, You name it and I will do it. Just pinky promise me that you won't tell Ter, ok?      Thank you for another beautiful day that began and will end with Your Love and Silence Supreme.

Your fibbing, but radiant soul,   Susie

Notes of Thanks for January 25

Today I am thankful for the little bit of clear skies and the observatory on the hill at the edge of town that let us see with our own eyes the beauty of the Northern Lights and the colorful dancing that paints the night sky in greens and purples and pinks. The dance is an amazing gift from the Universe....and so, I am thankful to the Universe for giving us the show of Love and splendor.

I am thankful for modern science that can take very detailed pictures of the tiniest minutia that makes up our insides. I am extremely grateful for the fact that I have medical insurance that keeps helping with the humungous costs for each of these pictures and I'll be even more grateful when I get the phone call to tell me that those pictures show the end of this bumpy road of late. When it's good news.... I get a phone call that it is. When it's not good news.... I don't get a phone call..... I get an appointment. Thank you in advance Dr. Gamboa for the phone call instead of the appointment.... and could you please not make me wait until next week to find out. That is hard..... Thank you.

Today I am grateful to Melissa who took the time to drive me for pictures, wait for almost two hours and then take my dragging butt to lunch before driving me home and pouring me in my bed. I am also grateful that I don't have to be sedated like that anymore...... I guess I say some pretty goofy things to people, but I never remember any of it. I'm sure I'll get a call tomorrow telling me what I did to embarass Melissa and anybody else in the restaurant. So.... thank you to anybody who I may have encountered for putting up with me on Valium and Versed.

I am thankful for dreams and for dreamers.... I think that's where we do some of our best work and come up with our best ideas. When they're good, dreams can be so enlightening.... and when they're not good..... dreams can be evn more enlightening. They have helped me tremendously in providing direction and nudging to keep moving forward in my healing work and focusing on the tough pieces that would be much easier to ignore in the short term..... but much harder over the long haul. Thank you dreams for all your Knowing and bringing that Knowing to my head and my heart.

Today I am grateful to the many wonders of the Universe and the slight, but steady breezes that blow exactly in the direction that my bubble wants to take me. I am also grateful to my fellow bubble traveler. Yesterday she produced the biggest heart bubble that I have ever seen. I just love bubbles and buses..... buses that can float and fly. I am thankful for my road trip buddies who provide a sense of family and belonging. I just love feelings of belonging. Thank you road trip buddies, bubble flyers and Ms. Universe..... you are all spectacular Love and beauty. Prayers of Peace, Joy and Plenty to all......    [-O<

Gratitude Notes for January 26

Today I am thankful for do-overs..... for the opportunity to go back with a little more Knowing and understanding and relive events in ways that bring reconciliation and more peaceful, loving and empowering feelings and positive outcomes. I am thankful that there are ways to reprocess traumatic events towards healthier perspectives and a sense of control over those traumas so that they don't continue to influence the way that I interact with my world. Thank you, Judy, for teaching mehow to reclaim most of that control.

Today I am also grateful for spontaneity and the intentional unfolding of life that results in the grabbing of joy and beauty and comittment towards those that we have come to love more than life itself. Thank you for the realization by people I care deeply about that when Love like their's happens and has grown daily for the past seven years; it's time to make a real comittment in that Love. So now we get to celebrate that kind of special Love and have a wedding at work tomorrow! Tom and Sherrie are going to make a comittment to love and care for each other for the rest of their lifetimes...... and what a celebration it's going to be!! Beauty and Wonder...... that's what that kind of Love is full of. Thank you for letting me witness that.

Today I am thankful for my supportive tapping team.... we're gonna be doing this twice a week for a while since I don't have other appointments as often. Next one to forgive is my grandfather, who waited until I was there with my grandmother to go in the garage and shoot himself in the head. I guess I'm thankful that I was there so that grandma didn't have to find him like that..... but I am still very angry that he would do such a selfish thing to her and to leave me to find him. I think this one will be a bit easier than the last one was and I would like to thank you in advance for helping me do this in ways that I couldn't have done by myself. I will never be able to repay you all for helping me with this "stuff", but I can keep saying thank you and I can keep doing the work to make you guys proud of what we can accomplish as a team, that we wouldn't be able to do individually. "THANK YOU!!

And Today I am grateful to the Universe for a warm and mostly sunny day. Thank you for the emerging bulbs that are already starting to stick their heads up out of the dirt so that they can grow into beautiful grown up flowers later. Thank you for the green tips that are becoming visible on the willows. Seems pretty early for that, but I love Spring so I'm gonna go with it.Thank you for the time to practice awareness and presence which allows me to notice the subtleties that are opening my mind and stretching my senses to be able to experience everything on a much deeper level than I would without it. Thank you Universe.

The wedding was beautiful and turned out great for putting it all together in 24 hours from  the decision to the ceremony. That was some awesome magic.

Notes of Gratitude for January 27

Dear Self,   I love you self and I would like to thank you for holding yourself up today and keeping a grin on your face for everyone to share in Sherrie's bliss without any distractions. You need to remember that even when things seem bigger than you..... you are a big person with a big heart and you have got to keep believing that you're the biggest factor in your destiny. Your attitude and willingness to be positive and strong eomtionally, physically and spiritually are the most important predictors in determining your future. I Know that you are tired, frustrated, compromised........ and angry. It's okay to be all of those things....to be angry..... and I'll support you 100% if you want to go off and yell and scream and throw things. Just don't think about giving up on this.... You did your best and you did everything just like you was suppose to.... so you can't feel bad about that. We can bring in our team and have them help us too. They would do that for us.... I Know they would.....Thank you for your patient urgency and doing your best for us.

Dear Sherrie and Tom (and Mari too),    Thank you for honoring us with one of the most awesome of human commitment ceremonies. Thank you for sharing your hearts and your love with us in such an especially deep and meaningful way. And thank you both for trusting Jess, Karla and myself to put this together for you. We had a fun time and it means a lot that you let us do this for you. It was blissful. Thank you Mari for being a big girl on this special day for the two people who are going to be your forever mom and dad soon. Thank you for being a silly little flower girl and being part of the impetus to get these two hitched. You are one blessed little girl and your mom and dad are really fortunate to have found you in that cabbage patch.

Dear Judge Reardon,     Thank you for taking time out of your busy court schedule on such short notice to come to our office and perform the ceremony for Tom and Sherrie. You did a wonderful rendition of The Little Princess..... you goof butt. You had everyone laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes. You are so real and so gracious. We all appreciate you in so many ways. And thank you for the special bracelet you made me out of your bike tire spokes. I love it!

Dear Ter,   Thank you for being such a kind and generous human being and such a good friend. I sure do love the way you care about others and you've got soooo many people to care about. It's a darn good thing that they all care so much about you too. That good stuff just keeps coming back around.....You've got a lot of heart and wisdom and I so appreciate your willingness to share that with me and everyone else.  I think that you are the kindest person that I've never met. = ) <3  I got the pepsi mess in the bus cleaned up. I didn't realize that we had that in common too. I have been a pepsi addict since I was very young! But I am cutting way back lately. I'm sure that you're not an addict like me and that's a really good thing because that stuff is hard to quit.

Dear Anam Cara,    Thank you for being such a realist.... in such a dreamy kind of way. My magnetic South is negotiable depending on the Universal tilts and revolutions and the flow of energies. The good red road has a beautiful center direction right smack in the middle of North and South and as I walk my path of enlightenment, I appreciate the balance that comes from the centering..... I like to meet people there and spend some time sharing stories and lessons.... keeping myself rounded and true. You, my friend, are the most amazing lesson I have experienced in this life time and I hope our paths meet in the center of all those thirty spokes one day..... but if they  never do, I will continue to learn you and chase you around that wonderful wheel.Thank you for patience, teaching, words, directions, big bubble dreams, music, sitting, listening andall the other bits in between.

Dear Universe,   I am grateful for your providing of clarity and mindfulness..... for the time to sit in Silence and allow my Knowing to become open and transparent. Thank you for the multitude of gifts that you put in front of me each day that helps me bring my focus back to the bliss.... to the beauty, the joy and the peace that is there for the taking, but for  the taking of time to notice and experience it without distraction. Thank you for lessons and expanding awareness. I  should say thank you also for Resilience and Perseverance..... In a lot of ways we are similar to the coastal redwoods....the planet's most enduring lifework. A fallen coastal redwood will sprout new baby trees within three weeks and small trees can endure more than 400 years beneath a closed forest canopy without losing their ability to grow rapidly if and when that canopy is opened.

We can be like that, too..... No matter how painful our life may be or may have been..... we always have the internal resources to heal and grow into happiness...... we have the strength, insight, and spiritual tools. All of those things teach us that there is no unhappiness too great to be made better. Opening ourselves up to the miracles of resiliency and perseverance, we step from the dark of negativity into the light of possibility and abundance. It doesn't happen all at once, but it does happen ..... a bit at a time. Thank you Universe for making us resilient and open to possibilities..... but can we just slide on this work for a little bit? Just take a little break and catch up on Wonder?

Notes of Gratitude ~ January 28

Today I have been thankful for sun shine and Vitamin D.... That stuff can make a big difference in energy levels and when your body has none..... well it's a slow day. Thank you Gaia for the sun that radiates healing energies and boosts my Ujjayi. I love my ocean breathing and the cleansing that it brings, And I love me some sun shine too..... especially for long walks with the boys..... Kota, Timber and Smokey.... my puppy dogs.

I am thankful for friends who call to check in and let me know how they're doing.... from all over the continent. I appreciate their thoughts and concern, but I'm wondering why several of them would call on the same day....hmmm.... do I smell a rat? Maybe.... but thank you Travene, Stacy and Cory for checking in. You are all special and I cherish our friendships.

Today I am thankful for my daughter, Colleen and my granddaughter, Shiana...... who made a  whole bunch of muffins and brought me some. They're good bakers and their muffins are yummy. Thank you both for learning something from me and for sharing that something.:-)

On this day, I am thankful for cat naps, creativity and time to relax and play. We have all the bubbles we need to make this bubble event the best. Now we need for next Saturday to be as nice as this one was. If I can just leave the bubble juice alone.... but I gotta practice....

Today I am grateful for my neighbor lady from down the street..... she came to visit and didn't once ask for alcohol..... just came to visit. Wow! She was drunk, but she didn't drink here and didn't ask me for any booze or money or anything.#:-S

Today I am thankful for Stitched who trusts me to share her journys and her worries. She has a good soul and needs to be less concerned about what other people think about that soul and how she expresses it. Thank you for trust, for sharing and for trying to worry less if you are doing the right thing. If your heart and your gut tell you it is right..... it just is.... so do what your heart says is good and right.

 And today I am grateful to the Universe for all She puts before us..... for this life that She has given me and the strength to live it.

.

Notes of Thanks ~ january 29 (already?)

Dear Caden,    Thank you and your precious soul for the special story you wrote about your grandma for school.And for bringing it over and reading it to me..... you are such a cool 8 year old who's about to be 9 tomorrow.You have a great big heart and the awesome magical thinking that lets you dream up all kinds of adventures and Wonder. Thank you too for thinking that your grandma is this marvelous story book character that can do anything and everything. I wish........ Thank you for being so much fun to have around and for being so thoughtful and imaginative. And Happy Birthday little dude!!

Dear David,    I appreciate you so much!! Thank you for bringing your Job Corps buddies over to split and stack wood for me. I really could have done it myself without neeeding more stitches, but I sure do like the kindness that you guys have in your hearts and I'll take your help any day. Next year we'll rent a splitter and do it all at once like we usually do. Thank you guys.

Dear Self,   Thank you for feeling really good today so that we could get out on a nice day and have fun. It's been too long since you did that and it's really good for the soul. Thank you also for not worrying about laundry or house work. You can take care of it tomorrow cuz it'll still be there. And mostly Self, thank you for letting us get rid of our anger. Hopefully your neighbors weren't too freaked out, but if they're that nosey...... then maybe they need a good show to give them something to talk about. =)

Dear Anam Cara,   Thank you for being my rock...... even when you don't realize it..... your words come through and speak kindness and reality to me and your heart lifts me over the rough stuff. And your Soul...... well, it helped me throw anger around released my pent up frustrations. Thank you so much for you and for your being here when I need you.

Dear Diana,   I am so thankful for your sharing of your experiences with near death and the wisdom you have been given about what that's all about. Your Knowing is so much like what I have always thought. We all really are connected to One. We are energy and our home will be the most beautiful of all energies. It will be LOve. You make it sound like a state of being that will definitely be worth any struggles we have here on this plane. I can see why you would feel sad about not being able to stay there. Thank you for trusting me to share this with me..... you are beautiful and I'm glad you're here still, but sorry at the same time that you were not able to stay.

Dear Universe,    You are Wonder extreme! Thank you for all of the goodness that you put out there for us to enjoy and learn from. Thank you  for not giving us all we need to Know all at once. It would be too overwhelming and it wouldn't leave room for us to need our journeys.... to walk our paths and be mindful and appreciative of All that is in front us each minute of each day. Thank you for giving us the gifts of Terri too. She is an extraordinary being with an extraordinary heart and soul. Universe...... you have the neatest way of giving us  gifts when we are ready for them and when we need them. Thank you so, so much. And thank you for Silence Supreme and the Knowing that we can receive when we are able to hear it. And I need to say thank you for the moon and stars above. Good night moon. Good night stars.

Notes of gratitude ~ January 30

Today I am mindful of the beauty in this quote by Patrick Overton -

“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”

And today I'm thankful for having been found to not be quite ready for flying lessons.... for real. (I know how to fly almost perfectly in my mind..... but not in this physical realm.) Instead.... I have been given a bit of something solid to stand on..... some reassurance that the Universal energies are finally finding that this moment has been given/earned for me to take respite and rest from from the hard road for a while. It is time for me to walk a smoother path.....perhaps no less demanding..... but smoother, with fewer obstacles and a brighter flame revealing the path that lies directly ahead. I'm not concerned for the journey as it rounds the coming bends..... I know that today.... in this present moment.... I am a child of the Universe and I have earned the privilege of continuing to walk my path of thirty spokes. I have been blessed by She and I am awake to the magnificence of Her beauty. Thank you Universe for Peace of Mind, Peace of Heart and Peace of Soul. Thank you for lessons on living in the here and now and being present and mindful of all the gifts that are just waiting to be noticed and experienced.  Thank you for helping me to realize the Faith that has always been there, but sometimes hard to bring out and breathe through.

Today I am grateful for Learning the Soul with Colleen and Melissa. It was short, but very sweet. I really do think that we're hard wired to be spiritual beings and I think that you guys are starting to realize that the more we allow this part of us to be heard and felt.... the more you will hear and feel your conversations with Shelly and all of the other special souls who have moved into Love. You are learning to recognize that energy and the comfort that it offers. I love you both and we will continue to do this every chance we get until you really Know of what you feel and hear. Thanks guys for taking the time to do this for us each week..... even when it doesn't seem like we have the time or energy. When we feel the energy, we will find the time.... and we can always feel that amazing energy.

Thank you Dr. Judy for giving me a break today. When you get back from your conference with Laurel Parnell, we'll begin delving into more memories that need transformed and more hurt that needs forgiven. I appreciate your not starting this before you take off to NYC for a week..... that seems pretty fair to me. Have fun and learn lots, because I'm going to work you hard when you get back.

Today I'm grateful to C,  Thank you for finding a place to call me from your adventures in Panama. It was wonderful to talk for a while..... and a good day to do it....when I had good news to share. Do you really think that the world is made of chocolate? If it really is, will you bring a piece of the world home to me when you come back? And do you really think that the clouds are made out of marshmallows? Don't you think that the Sun would turn those marshmallows golden brown until they eventually caught on fire and turned to ash? I think that you need to rethink that proposition. I'll kind of buy the chocolate.... but marshmallows? Thank you for your thoughts and your words. Continue to enjoy every single moment you are given there and then hurry home.

Today I am thankful to the Universe..... almost 60 degrees in January! I know we need snow, but I sure do love this Spring like weather! Thank you for nature and all the signs of beauty and goodness in our environment. Thank you for giving me the practice that lends my awareness to the sounds, the smells and the sensing of the Wonder that you are.

Gratitude notes for January 31

Dear Angela, Today I am thankful for your being extra easy in leading yoga . Thank you for choosing postures that I could come in and participate in. That was genuinely thoughtful of you. And I almost kept up with part of it..... until I turned green and had to lay down and close my eyes. But that's okay, because today when I closed my eyes, I was using my third eye to keep up and it felt like I was right there with the rest of you. It felt good and I appreciate your willingness tod do a meditation class for our clients too. You're awesome.

Dear morning,   I use to really dislike you, but I have learned that you have a genuine purpose and today I would like to thank you for that lesson. I have learned that you hold a particular essence of stability of earth's energies..... free of the disordered vibrations that are a by-product of humanity's comings and goings. In these first moments of the day.... when the sun's golden light is only just peeking over the horizon, our minds remain in the land of slumber though we, ourselves, are awake. To meditate in this peaceful, yet energetically charged in between time is to connect with the Divine in an extremely intimate way.... our awareness becomes a mirror for earthly consciousness..... quietly and emptily embracing the joy of being and setting the tone for a serene, fulfilling day. Thank you morning and the Peace that you hold.

Dear May May,    Thank you fror the big giant hug and the happy dance two step..... Thank you for kind words and for healing energies. Right back at ya.... My healing energies are huge and powerful today so they ought to kick your head cold's butt right out of the county and yours....... They were so powerful that they kicked my tumor's butt and smooshed it good and gone. Thank you for wisdom, strength, encouragement, candle lighting, prayers, nudging, anger expulsion, holding, carrying and courage and mostly for real. You never treated me any different just because I was sick...... and that is Sacred to me. Thank you bigger than the world.

Dear Ter,  Thank you for all of the hand holding, the hugs, the thoughts and prayers, the words, the art, the encouragement, the gifts, the tapping assistance, the donations, the notes and the All that you do for so many every day. I have grown so much in your wisdom and processing with me. And I must thank you for sharing the bus ride and the shenanigans. You have made this road trip a life saver for me and a fun one at that..... sticking by me every mile of the way. When days became dark..... all I had to do was think of you and the others in the car, on the bus, around the camp fire..... and man that changed my perspective a ton. Smiles and laughter are, I believe, the most healing of all energies.... and you gave me that. I am looking forward to many more miles of adventures with you and the rest of the gang. Thank you so, so much.

Dear night,  Thank you for giving me this time to sit in introspect and mindfulness so that I can thank the Universe for this Bliss, for friends and family, for moments of awareness and all the gifts that help me on my path each day. Thank you for emptiness....... void of all that is material and disposable and full of All that is...... the experiences, the feelings, the Knowing  and the Wonder. 

Dear Universe,    Thank you for another beautiful day full of the Wonder that is You. Thank you for showing me the discreet beauty of everyday happenings so that I can keep gratitude at the forefront of my heart and Soul. Thank you for lessons, messages, music of nature, magic and the opportunity to share all of these with those who might not notice otherwise.

Tomorrow night I'm going to try something new...... I'm going to see if I can summarize my gratitude in one sentence for each gift. This should be interesting...... Trying to say as much or more with less.

Thank you notes ~February 1

Dear Moon,  Thank you for being a messenger across miles and a reflection of Love.

Dear Lady at the Dr. Office,   Thank you for having the thoughtfulness to hunt me down and thank me for finding your necklace and turning it in to the front desk. 

Dear Jessie,   Thank you for putting so much work in to your testimony this time around and showing the rest of the class how totally amazing it is when we get real with ourselves and our peers.

Dear Crocuses/ Croci,   Thank you for speaking warmth and beauty to me and smiling at me as I walk by and greet you each morning and evening.

Dear Colleen,   Thank you for going through Caden's clothes today and finding a whole bunch for our new 7 year old "foster boy" at work who didn't even have a pair of shoes.

Dear Mother Nature,   Thank you so much for the warmth that you have your friend sun shine down on us, especially for my friends who tend to suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Dear Self,   Thank you for approaching your work with the greatest amount of listening ears and heart, patience, empathy, knowledge and reassurance you can muster so that your MHC folks can be in classes and not be afraid or overwhelmed.

Dear Universe,    Thank you for putting the signs and messages out there for me to see and hear so that I have some sense of what the plan is and why the plan is what it is...... that way I don't have to ask you so many questions and spend so much time searching. Thank you for friends, for purpose, for stillness and mindfulness, for stories that provide history and compassion and for bubbles.