ohhh! i love to play! i love to get goofy!

Hey Lissy...something's missing...wait, it's coming to me...uhhhh...OH YEAH!  You left out YOUR funny story in all that big beautiful writing you just did.  Come on...what's the funniest thing that ever happened to YOU...HMMM?  Hee hee.

i'll play too but i have think of a joke that i can explain with my words instead of gestures...pondering....

i'm workin' a bit this morning, then taking off to play and goof with my sons......it's party time for me! and i'll be laughin' and goofin'. if i get a good story, i'll stop on by and share it. living with the guys totally brings laughs. i love to watch the interactions between the three sons. they know how to push each other's buttons in fun ways and they do that constantly. something about guy energy that just makes me belly laugh sometimes!

Here's one of my favorite funny stories about my sister.  :)

A few years ago, my younger sister Emily, who bordered slightly on the "very intelligent, but has absolutely no common sense whatsoever", was going to a concert with some friends in Philadelphia. She was about 17 at the time, and had never really driven for a long distance on the highway. That afternoon, Emily called me at work. Here’s how the conversation played out:

Me: “Good afternoon, this is Melissa”.

Em: “Hi it’s me. I have a really dumb question.”

Me: “I probably have a really dumb answer, what’s up?”

Em: “Okay, I’m on my way to pick up Laura for this concert. I’m on the highway, and there’s three lanes of traffic. Which lane do I need to be in?”

Me: “What do you mean which lane do you need to be in?”

Em: “Well, I’ve never driven on a highway with more than two lanes. Which one should I be driving in?”

Me: “It depends on how fast you are driving…”

Em: (interrupting) “Well, right now I’m in the middle lane and I’m not going very fast at all.”

Me: “why not?”

Em: “Because I’m behind an 18-wheeler and he’s going really slow.”

Me: “Then pass him.”

Em: “I can’t, I don’t know which way he’s turning.”

Me: “what do you mean you don’t know which way he’s turning?”

Em: “He’s got both his turn signals on!!!”

Me: “Emily…”

Very, very long pause while I try my hardest to keep from laughing at her.

Me: “Emily, those are his four way flashers.”

Em: “His what?!”

Me: “His four way flashers! That means he’s going slower than the rest of traffic. You can pass him he’s not turning.”

(a giggle slips out.)

Em: “Are you laughing at me?????”

Me: N-n-n *gasp as I choke back laughter, then can’t hold it in anymore and loses it…

Em: “click”

PRICELESS!!! just priceless! 

Bwahahaha, Lissa!!  That is hilarious!  You can't make that stuff up, you know?  

okay...since you all started it... :))

YIKES!!  And double YIKES!!!!  lol

lol!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Wonderful!

Sometimes being able to laugh at ourselves is the best thing ever.

Especially when you know first thing that it's going to be one of those days.....



A couple of weeks ago.......



I overslept.  Rare for me, but somehow I turned the alarm off and didn't remember doing it.



I awaken in a panic, as I know I'm going to be late for work and miss a meeting.


I go downstairs to find our pug, Maggi  (or Wrinkle as I like to call her) having a really hard time breathing.  She's a pug enjoying her retirement years, so this isn't completely uncommon, but I felt as if something wasn't right.  So, I run back upstairs, throw on some clothes, and out the door I go--off to the vet with Maggi Moo (another nickname I use) . 



Maggi Moo Wrinkle (I sometimes combine all of the nicknames) ends up being okay-so I come back home with the appropriate meds, get her settled and then race out the door to work.



I arrive at work even later than expected now, and my mind is racing with everything I have to do. So, I'm rushing up to the building and run into a colleague who is out taking a cigarette break.  Since she was in the  meeting I had missed that morning, I  stopped and she started catching me up on what I'd missed, and I shared with her the tale of  my hectic morning.  Then, all of a sudden she gets this odd look on her face and then she said.



"Do you realize you're wearing two different shoes?"



I looked down, looked back up at her shaking my head and said,



"I do now."



Then, both of us starting laughing ourselves silly......and then we decided that if wearing two different shoes was the worst thing that was going to happen, then it was actually going to be a pretty good day after all!



Lucky for me that I happen to forget to take things home from work a lot, so I discovered another pair of shoes stashed away in my office to wear.




:P

ooooohhhhh....i could so see myself doing that same thing...two different shoes, love that! :-))

Ya know...your story, seasons, makes me think of wardrobe malfunction of my own.

I was wearing a particularly voluminous skirt one day. I just love those long, swingy denim numbers with a pair of boots. So the employee restroom was out of order, and I'm walking out of the visitor's lounge. I'm right out there, ya know? Full view of the lobby, the shop floor, the lunchroom.

And I feel a breeze. Right on my tushy.

As I'm pulling my skirt OUT of my underwear, I look up. There's my friend, the purchasing director. Even though I'm facing him, there is no mystery about what I'm doing. He puts an arm around my shoulder (my face is a beet at this point) and says quietly "I'd never say a thing. I'm a gentleman."

At which point I retort, "Dave, if you EVER see me walking down the hall with my tush hanging out, you BETTER say something."

Without missing a beat he gets down on one knee and sings out "Full Moon....."

Such a crooner...

oh my gosh.....i so laughed with both stories here!

omg, i love the visual, too funny...see what a good story teller you are!...and TUSHY should be the word of the day... :))

Such visuals!! And all the cool pet names and fun sounding words, too.

Maggie Moo Wrinkles Mooshy Tooshy Moons!! Wahaha! I just had one of those smile cramps.

You guys, I love yus!! You have no idea how much you're cheering me up right now.

Critter's Big Adventure.....(or how to tell your daughter away at college that you've just lost her pet)
Hello, my name is Critter.  I am a rodent.

I am fortunate enough to have been adopted by a family that are undoubtedly the world’s biggest sucker for animals. They typically take in rescue dogs but have expanded to guinea pigs, fish and now me.  Since my real mom, Rachel, is away at college and can’t have me there, I am staying with my grandparents.  Its great here and they feed me a lot and don’t bug me as much as the college boys do. 

Each evening, my grandmother takes me into the bathroom to hang out and get some exercise.  We chinchillas have big hind legs and love to jump so I do my best to entertain her and jump up and down on the wall and do my tricks.

A couple of nights ago, I decided to try something new and poke my nose into the bathroom closet where I promptly found a really neat hole to crawl into.  Woohoo! I haven’t been in here before and since that was so fun, I decided to keep going and run along under the bathtub and see what was along there.  This was all great fun until I got to a hole in the floor and since I’m a just a rodent with a brain the size of a pea and don’t know the difference between horizontal and vertical, I jumped into that big hole too.  Weeeeee.   Kerplunk. 

Pretty much, I ended up one story lower than I started and in a dark place somewhere in a wall.  This isn’t turning out to be nearly as fun as I thought it would be and its really, really a tight fit.  So, yeah, I’m just sitting there getting pretty bored but then I heard my grandma screaming for me and shining a flashlight in the hole which was pretty cool.

Later on, I hear my grandpa with the electric saw cutting a hole in the closet wall and then it got even better when he cut another one in the kitchen ceiling.  I was laughing cause it was funny to hear them calling my name and shining the flashlights down the dark tunnels. I really wish I could have gotten to the food that they left  me inside of the hole in the ceiling but I was sooo far down even I couldn’t jump that high.  But then the fun stopped.  They went to bed and I just sat there.  All that night, the next day, the next evening, again that night.  They kept calling me but I couldn’t get to them. Bummer.

So……I finally decided the heck with this…I’m hungry, thirsty and very lonely so I began to chew my way out of this mess and found this cool thing that they plug their microwave into and started chewing around that. So I chewed and chewed and  finally got my chance the next morning as grandpa was getting his morning coffee. I decided to go for broke and start making a lot of noise and it worked.  Grandpa kept looking around but was having trouble focusing because he didn’t have his coffee yet but finally looked in the outlet with one eye open and the other squinted kinda funny like.  So, I decided to play too and did the same thing back to him and boy was he surprised.  He yelled “Critter!” and yanked the drywall away from the outlet and I jumped out!

Yippee!  Finally free!  Now we had to go tell Grandma.  When he put me up to her face in the bed where she was sleeping, I couldn’t believe anyone could sit up and scream so fast.  I guess she was just excited to have me back.

So all in all…..it was a great adventure.  I heard Grandpa say he couldn’t believe I didn’t fry my silly brains out chewing on that electrical outlet but I’m not sure what that means.  I’m just glad to be back in my cage with all my treats.  And I’m thinking that I won’t be going on any adventures again soon.  zzzzzzzzzzz……

True story:
My oldest daughter Jana is 29 and is a great cook.  I never would have predicted it tho - here is a sample of her cooking aptitude at age 16:

Jana:  I'm trying to make mac and cheese, but I can't get the water to boil. It's been on the stove for 40 minutes!
Me:  What temperature is the heat on?
Jana:  Low
Me: Low!?  Why low?
Jana:  I didn't want to burn it!
Couldn't help myself - I peed my pants.

Same daughter while working at a large banquet center:
Jana:  They told us if we didn't break anything for the wedding, we'd get a big tip.  Boy - that was one fancy wedding!  The chairs were upholstered to match the dishes!
Me: Wow!   Who was the couple?
Jana:  I have no idea.  But I went to get my tip and I got $75, whereas the rest of the servers got $50.
Me: Why did you get more?
Jana:  I asked my boss the same thing.  She said, "you were serving the VIP table".  I said 'really, there were VIP's at my table?'"
Me: Well, who were the VIP's anyway?
Jana: My boss said I served the Governor of Michigan and his wife, as well as the U.S. Ambassador to Italy, Mr. Secchia.
Me: (trying not to burst out laughing) - You didn't recognize the governor?
Jana: No.  I thought he looked familiar....like one of the police officers in our town.

Critter! Bahaha! Laur', I had so much fun reading about Critter's roller coaster adventure. Jelly belly laughs! All those visuals, too. So happy to see you coming out to play, dear. Any granny or gramps that has had any rodential experiences while their mommies and daddies have been "away" can fully appreciate the, at times, exasperating task of extricating said rodents! You have not lived until you have had to frantically scurry around your entire house searching every nook and cranny! or say perhaps...having to pull apart and dig the stuffing out of your couch. Uh-huh =)

Well. Go Granny, go! Granny get your ---!! Heeheehee . And PS: You really should submit this for publication, my ya-ya ...really...

OMGosh, Sue! You can't make this stuff up! Really, you just can't !

Thank ya for stoppin' by and sharin'. I needed a good dose of cheer, and you gave me a huge helping!

ohmygosh.........i haven't been by in ages........so so so fun to come and read your stuff here, you guys!!! both posts were priceless! sunflower is so darn right, you just can't make this stuff up.
it's perfect!

thanks for the smiles......i just needed these today!!!!

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space.  On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

lol! derm! i honestly laughed out loud on that one........i'm thinking sooooooo many people in my life would like to send that one to me! ohmygosh!

They say you can't take it with you when you die, but what if you can?  What if you get to the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter looks at you and then looks around and says "Hey, where's all your stuff?"

lol! what if you can???

My first thought was my music (cds), books, and comic book collection.  But than I thought, would I even need that stuff?  What will I be like when I walk through those gates?  Will I have any of the frailties I'm bound to have when I get older?  Will I even have a physical body?  What started out as a simple answer sure just got more complicated.

isn't that great? i love stuff like that!

text-autospace:none">A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"  The bartender considers it, then agrees.  The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.  He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.  The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

text-autospace:none">After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?"  The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first.  The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the rat and the piano.  As the rat plays the blues, the man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

text-autospace:none">While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000 for the bullfrog.  "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."  The stranger increases the offer to $250,000 cash up front.  "NO," he insists, "he's not for sale."  The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000 cash.  The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

text-autospace:none">"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded.  "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"  "Don't worry about it."  the man answered.  "The frog was really nothing special.  You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

lol! cute, derm......cute!

lol! i love this!

this made me laugh......thanks, derm!!

Two blondes are looking at each other from across a river.

One yells across “how do I get to the other side?”

“You are on the other side!” the other one yells back.

i laughed out loud!!!!!!!!