You guys who come thru here are amazing, amazing people! And you honor us so with the notes that you send us. Thank you for taking the time to do that. Sometimes you have your own links to your own art, music, blogs, and things and we want to pass them around. We include those in our newsletters, just let us know! If you want to share your own 'sighs' we have a page for that. If you have inspirational stories, let's share them. We want this to be much more than a web site. We want this to be a place of community where we inspire each other and lift each other up. Come join us! And thank you for honoring us with your presence.
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About Us
Once upon a time, I was told that I couldn't do it. That I shouldn't dare. That the dream was too
risky. That the risks too scary. The only people behind me were my three sons. And together, my
three sons and I built a dream. Can you imagine building a dream with your sons? There are days I
feel like the luckiest person alive. And that feeling has its roots in the darkest time in my life.
How's that for something to think about on those dark days? Gold is found in that darkness. Gold
that you don't even know exists. Hang on to that thought and come be part of our journey.
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Where do I place this?
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I paint in the brief moments that time allows. I painted women reading, because I longed to read again. I paint women weeping as the things I read about Japan fill me with sorrow and longing to nurture. I paint women weeping when I listen to the stories from friends whose profound sadness from the loss of a child, a lover , a friend.I paint when time allows , because I am grieving, grieving for a broken system, a life I once had, for the struggles I see my children having, for the time I used to have to be, to be still and quiet inside myself, long enough to fill up.Grief carves into you a deep well, so that joy might fill you.yet I wonder what grief carves out of me, and where does that piece go? -
oh wow....i wish i had something poetic to answer this. i'm just speechless....
bowing down to your spirit,sgrey.....
i love who you are....and how it comes out in the things that you do......
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Sgrey...."Grief carves into you a deep well, so that joy might fill you.yet I wonder what grief carves out of me, and where does that piece go?"Oh my God, I am speechless. So beautiful and thought provolking. Joy filling a well that grief has left.Thank you for that.
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was it a long one??? groan.if you're having trouble posting, holler.i'm just assuming it was a weird glitch???but let me know if i should have zakk look into it.........
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heysoup--very though provoking quote, i love how you all just give me a different perspective that i need, that is beautiful...sgrey--wow, the painting is awesome, i can feel her sadness and grief...how wonderful to be able to put those emotions out on canvas, it can be so overwhelming sometimes...would love to see more when you are ready...It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”"
Laurel | www.rescuinglittlel.wordpress.com -
Thanks Laurel, I have moved out of painting, and am sculpting now.Little happy Buddha's and animals, trying to draw in a more uplifting frame of mind.Grief is a weight, and an emptiness simultaneously for me and I have to force myself to segue into a better head space.I hope that makes sense..My old profile here seems to not work anymore, So I created frustrated fred after i spent 3 days trying to get in here to leave a comment.~laughing~
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That's funny because every time I see your profile name I wonder to myself why is Fred frustrated?It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”"
Laurel | www.rescuinglittlel.wordpress.com -
Do you believe that we can shift our mood, just by the force of our will? I often find myself trying to lift myself beyond the weight of life. Things happen that cause me such sadness, these things are beyond my control, and I know on some level that I have no influence over them. Yet, I feel the loss, the weight that those I care about feel.I have been making things of whimsy in an effort to push, pull drag myself out of the morose that I have been in. So far it seems to be working, I look at my sculptures and I laugh and feel the peace that I try so hard to infuse them with. What is the spell? Is it mind over matter? or is it just one of the many coping skills I have acquired through the years... -
oh i love this little guy!!! awesome!oh gosh...this is so weird...i just had a thought yesterday that i wonder what you'll think about...i was really upset the other day, so upset that i just stopped everything and decided i had to paint.i had been making something earlier in the week that was new for me. it involved painting. and i loved it so much that when i was upset, i knew that's what i wanted to do to 'shift my mood.' or justto hang in there and stay afloat. i painted and felt sooooooooo good. it just made me happy. yesterday i looked back on the upset day. i saw the 'adult' me really falling apart but trying to hold it together. i realized that i had lost the 'little terri' in it all. that i was just tryiin' to stay together in one piece. and that i never tuned into that part of me that was the part that really got hurt.and then i wondered........maybe i didn't lose little terri .........maybe little terri was the part of me that wanted to paint??? maybe that was my connection to sanity. it was her that was hurting so bad, and it was the painting that made me happy. and i just didn't realize the connection. but i sure realized i HAD to paint.this prolly makes no sense..........but it seemed to fit in my head with what you were pondering here.........was that as clear as mud??
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Terri, dear...Makes perfect sense to me. From what you're saying you entered a state of flowwww, and floowwww feeels so good. Whenever I paint, doodle and draw I feel the same way. But also when I write or do photography...when i think of it....when I'm in the middle of any creative passion. Little Terri hurt real bad, and the painting helps calm her and find a vehicle for expression...and more importantly....balance...peace....calm....kinda silences all the boogie woogie men and demons yackety=yack-yackin' in my head...Bet when you were upset you felt "out of body" or what some call non-local, but when you paint...you become fully integrated and - well - in the moment. This out-of-body sensation is quite familiar to me, because during all the trauma of the past, it helped me survive ya know? Not sure if this kinda resonates for ya?
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yeah, it does.and having the friend with the DID, i'm real comfortable with the 'dissociating' idea.i clearly remember being so upset several times that i was 'beside myself.'and i understood afterwards that i had indeed 'left' and was kinda outside of myself.this wasn't that drastic...but now that i think about it.....it was close.and yeah, i can see how the painting would pull me into the present.thanks, sunflower, that really adds to the thinking about it all......
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terri~oh no! it makes complete sense! There is this tear inside me, It pulls farther apart when I spend to long away from my art. It took me a very long time to realize that my art = my heart. That when I am not being loving or nurturing to myself, I fall to pieces... wether this has to to with my "little fred" (laughing) or just who I am at a base level, I don't know. The thing is, I often wonder if , thru art, I am capable of CHOSING what mood I am in. Do you understand? If I wish to weep, I can weep thru my art, when I have to be the strong one. When I wish peace, I can find it thru doing art that fills me with peace. And I wonder, does this work for anyone else? Is this just my will? or is it the way I connect with my soul/heart?sunflowerwoman~I am not sure I understand what you mean by flow. I always think of "flow" as being in the moment. Present for whats going on around me. ( think going with the flow) when It comes to the creative spark, I think of that like going deep, looking at what the universe is speaking, what my heart needs to be focusing on, what the life lesson thats there for me is.You know?
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oh wow. this is so cool. i never gave it this much thought......yes, ms. fred! that made sense!and without really realizing i do that, i think i do the same thing! i definitely think it's the way you connect to your soul/heart.......definitely.
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it makes perfect sense to me...learning to understand the very littlest part of me which is the one with the worst DID...i've replaced certain coping strategies taught to me (hitting the bed, screaming, etc) with activities that give the child a way to express that don't always revolve around the assumption that she needs to vent or is angry...sometimes she needs to create or write or sing out her issues...she may be angry that she isn't being heard so now i'm changing it up a bit so she can be heard...and i think i'm onto something...so yes, you all make sense to me and its wonderful !!!It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”"
Laurel | www.rescuinglittlel.wordpress.com -
ohhh i'm thinking you're way onto something, laurel!!!
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I am grinnin, it's been a bumpy morning, and I needed a little boost. I always forget what I learn, I am always grateful that there is someone waiting to remind me... Thank you! you guys are the best!
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fred! if i could just REMEMBER everything i learned......well, heck, i'd be doin' pretty good......and then on top of that, most of the time i have to RELEARN it all cause i totally forgot it in the first place! ahh........this place is gonna be like a reminder spot!!!
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Fred,I totally get you on flow. Was wondering...do you sell your art? Must confess, I'm falling in love with the little praying one. Sublime...Might there be a twin out there?
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i come back sometimes when i feel stuck and re-read these posts...i want to make sure i'm not dreaming and that you all are real, then i want to visit a little with you and reading and looking at the artwork, photos, etc makes me feel like we've had a chat...and because yes, i also, forget all the time what i already know and have to re-learn and practice...It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”"
Laurel | www.rescuinglittlel.wordpress.com -
Sunflower woman~yes I sell my art...~laughing~ I put it out there all the time! Painting is the "new" thing for me.My son gave me paints a year and a half ago, and I am discovering a new outlet.. ( as if I need another one) I tell people I have to do so many things to get all the crazy out of my head. Yet it still there after all these years...Laurel~I find myself going thru a lot of the posts here, and wanting to say something, but never sure what. It's like sitting at a table with a bunch of awesome women, and not wanting to speak, for fear of missing some good thing some one might say! Some little "ah-ha! moment that makes some part come into sharper focus...or remember some thing that was a tremendous learning experience, and thinking.." holy moly! I forgot THAT???" It's just an awesome to know that some one else gets it..*grin*
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Man.. I read this again today, I found a back link here at my blog, cause thats where the pictures are at.. and I thought " wow!" I am still longing, longing for time and space, still aching after all these months for just a little bit of alone time..."I can't believe it's been as many months as it has been. I guess I must be getting numb to it.... and my art is still reflecting my longing...wow, .. it's so cool this is here...like a reminder...
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has it gotten any better, fred???
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Ter~today, for the first time this year, I had ONE whole Hour by myself. No one was here. It was the most incredible feeling, I could breath in the solitude like it was air. I was drunk with it! ~laughing~is it better? I don't know, I just know that my kids are precious to me, and so is my alone time. I know I was a better mom, a happier soul after my hour today.~shrug~
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i remember that kinda thing. my problem was i'd be so freaked out i had one
whole hour i would waste it worrying about getting everything i wanted into it!
oh man...........
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Stitched, you hang in there . You know we're surrounding you with love and prayers. Sure can identify with that weary feeling. Some days I feel like an old lady.
Perhaps we could talk our wAy through it...
Here for ya,
Sunny -
Lissy and Stitched...I'm hanging in there with you both...our struggles weigh heavy sometimes don't they...so glad I can lighten my load a bit here, just knowing you all are out there makes an incredible difference...Holler if you need some one on one...LaurelIt is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”"
Laurel | www.rescuinglittlel.wordpress.com -
stitched! how did i not see your post before?
i had a cold and was so fuzzy brained....
i'm so sorry i didn't see that!
how are you now?
can you fill us in a bit?
i know it's been hard for you lately........
want to share a bit?
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sunflower.....you in the midst of the grieving stuff?
want to walk thru some of it?
is that what's goin' on?
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I never wanted to be the kind of person who could be likened to Eeyore. I do enjoy life and am happy to experience all of the beauty it has to offer. I love to smile and laugh and enjoy all of the blessings that surround me.
Some people can go through life, kind of skimming along the surface of it all. That's just not me. I take it all in...I am the kind of person who feels things. People call it a bleeding heart. I see the pain in the world and I absorb it. The pain and worry of others becomes my own. I see suffering everywhere. I can't help that.
I also can't help the way my emotions exist inside of me. I don't believe the person who said "happiness is a choice." I don't choose to be so overwhelmed with emotion that I want to cut my skin to make it all stop. I didn't choose the things that have happened to me, and while I suppose there are ways I've chosen to deal externally with those things....I can't believe I have a choice as to what I feel inside - that initial, knee-jerk, without-thought, pure emotion.
And so, yes. I get sad, extremely sad. I feel lost and lonely, worthlessness, anger, fear, anxiety, and grief. All at the same time, and often. It's overwhelming and terrifying. And it makes me what to hurt myself over and over again. It's my reality.
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Hi Stitched...Just talking today about the folks who skim across the surface and how I didn't get it either...it feels so empty to go through life like that and i know from experience that it leads me to a bad place.I have to know the depths of things: people, places, animals, situations, but have learned to protect my heart so that the magnitude of the situation doesn't penetrate my heart so much that I have to turn to harming myself. Much of my pattern is to not recognize how overwhelmed, tired, sad, stressed, hungry, angry, etc. I am and then start checking out...disassociating until the latent and destructive personalities start running the show....medicating them has worked temporarily, cutting can too, love helps the most...a friend who can tolerate the craziness until it works itself through...My therapist said that I had to protect myself as I would the tiniest littlest part of my self, like an infant, gently, tenderly and not to subject that little girl to harsh realities of the world. She asks me to consider that tender heart, just like you have, as something to be guarded carefully and feels it would be cruel to give a little child harsh and horrible information. Somehow when she said it like that, it made more sense to me and I've been really honoring that little part since.I want to offer again my love and concern. We can have your little girl over and we will have a play date and a tea party....and by the way, I love Eeyore....my little dog hangs his tail like Eeyore and its adorable...It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”"
Laurel | www.rescuinglittlel.wordpress.com -
i'm thinking a lot of us here can relate to what you said, stitched.
have you heard the term 'empath'?
when i came across that word, i realized it really really described me.
and it was so good to know there was a word for it.
i don't know why, but i like that.
you're not alone. i think you'll find a house full of empaths here.
glad you stopped by and told us.
laurel, i like what you said about protecting that tender heart.
good stuff!
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that sounds like a fabulous discussion in itself.....as in I so agree that there are many empaths here and terri, i can totally see that being you from what i know...speaking for myself, its been a pretty confusing ride....It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”"
Laurel | www.rescuinglittlel.wordpress.com -
ah, i just tried to post, but hit a wrong button. if you see me twice, that's why!
was just saying that while i would really never wish it on anyone else, i also would never
trade it. how odd is that? and i bet every one of you would say the same...
one of those weird things about life.......blessing and a curse.........
and yeah.......a way confusing ride......
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A house full of empaths..Wow, thats a great description of this space..Now we need to fill it full of healers..~grin~folks who can help other people mend..oh wait!thats YOU!
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frustrated fred! my gosh, it's good to see you!i think we might just have a house full of healers here too now that you mention it!look at all the healing this group offers all the time.....hmmmm....which brings up a good question.....ya think empaths naturally lean toward the healing stuff?hmmmmmmm.........i bet they do!good to see ya, freddie! :)
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Fred....Good to see your leafy avatar again...I'm guessing you fall into this category too?Seems like for me it was about being in a healing profession to probably find my own....Looking back, if I would have known better I would have learned how to protect myself from being bombarded by patient's energies....I tend to be a sponge and think that's part of why I broke....It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”"
Laurel | www.rescuinglittlel.wordpress.com -
so what DO you guys do to protect yourself from taking too much in???
i don't know what my answer is to that.....
not sure i do......
but i know i've gotten better.
so not sure at all. have to think on it.
how about you guys?
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You women are all so amazing and I'm so thrilled to find this forum. Thank you so much for sharing. You are all doing some amazing processing and healing here and that can be so hard sometimes. Not just in doing our own healing work, but in being there for others -. Being the "empath".
In pondering your question Terri about how we protect ourselves......The term Compassion Fatigue comes to mind. I suspect that just by the virtue that each of us has found our way here, to these conversation,we are all Empaths and sponges. And as Laurel so eloquently stated, we can only absorb so much of other's energies before our sponges come to be filled so full that they break. Our ability to be compassionate begins to just fatigue. Then we really can't be of any help to anyone. Then our burdens spill over, our sponges leave puddles. So what do we do to protect ourselves from taking too much in?
Sometimes, somedays.... I only have enough surplus to be able to acknowledge the pain I see in others. I can only give them that acknowledgment. Maybe I can't sit with their pain right then, but I can sit with them. Maybe I can't carry their burden just then, but I can hold their hand and offer my shoulder. Sometimes, if I know my reserves are low, my well is running at a drip... I just have to step back and protect what I do have, realizing that if I run dry I won't be available to do myself or anyone else any favors. I could actually do more damage to someone's spirit if I'm responding from a place of fatigue, my own hurt or - god forbid- resentment. I can't be present or helpful for someone if I'm not even able to care for my own pieces.
So, yeah, learning to let go without guilt, learning to nurture every little piece of me, learning to allow the well to fill so that it's full when the drought comes.... because it will come, learning that I am enough.... but that I can't be enough for everybody all of the time. Very Hard lessons that I work on everyday of my life. For today, I'm filling my well by allowing myself to sit with all of you and just read and ponder. My laundry will get done when it gets done. You guys inspire me!! And that fills me up!!
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susie....i am so glad you are here! thank you for this......
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welcome home, susie......
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Okay I am completely Wigged out that THIS post is at the top.
Wow
How weird...
spooky
Welcome Susie!
this is a place of gentle
a place of kindness.
Terri has infused it with so much of who she is and where she is on her own journey that it shines, just like her.
I am still trying to figure out so many things, but this is the best place for bouncing ideas.Have some tea and join us!
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may may showed up! alright may may!! good to see you.and thank you for what you just said.......awwww shucks. :)may may's full of wisdom, susie......she's one of my favoritewomen on the planet!
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may may.........BEAUTIFUL!!!!!and really cool timing for me..........thank you!
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